Houston, Texas has been Devastated…

30 Aug

AND NOW YOU CAN OWN THE HATS COMMEMORATING IT!

Today In Corpus Christi, Texas, President Trump arrived wearing a white baseball cap that says, “USA” on the front and “Trump” on the back, with a small American flag on the side. President Trump’s official campaign website (yes, he is already on the campaign trail for 2020) says that the hat is the “official USA rope hat worn by 45th President-elect Donald J. Trump, himself” and is “proudly made in the USA.” He’s been wearing it in meetings and press conferences throughout this national emergency.

You can find them here for sale for only 40 bucks in both Red and White…so far Blue is not available (darn!)

Official USA 45th Presidential Hat – Red

Official USA 45th Presidential Hat – White

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And The First Lady, not to be outdone, sported a fashionable FLOTUS baseball cap upon her arrival in the hurricane damaged South Texas town, making it an iconic and self defining moment for the American monarch…because FLOTUS stands for First Lady of the United States, you know.

Duh! In case you didn’t know (who she is?… I guess?)

Anyway, so far the “FLOTUS” hat is not available on the website nor in any stores but perhaps someday soon? Although there is only one FLOTUS at any given time so if you or I were to wear one it just wouldn’t be right…However, with just a little bit of ironic tweaking perhaps the Trump campaign can have a very big seller on their hands:

     How about a FLOT-US hat Mr. and Mrs. USA?

Image result for people floating in Houston

I bet POTUS and FLOTUS never thought about that irony when they got dressed this morning, huh?… Or did they?

I know it’s not polite to criticize our President and the First Lady but it is exactly because of times like these why the President of the United States should not be running any businesses, or selling cheesy items that make money for himself while serving as the President of the United States…it’s simply not decent, proper, decorous or in good taste to do so… (is it?)

May Houston and all of Texas recover quickly and safely. We here in New Jersey also know how very deadly and devastating a hurricane can be and haven’t forgotten how our southern friends in Alabama and elsewhere came to help when Sandy hit us in 2012…even though some Texas politicians voted no in providing government aid afterwards…Help is on the way and NewJersians will not vote no! (I hope)

 

No Soup For You!

29 Aug

 

There has been much discussion and controversy lately as to whether or not southern states, or any state for that matter, should display statues and symbols celebrating the former confederacy of 11 southern states (1861-1865) and their attempt to secede from the American Union and establish their own country at the expense of the United States of America.

“They’re trying to take away our culture. They’re trying to take away our history,” President Trump said at a rally in Phoenix. “And our weak leaders, they do it overnight. These things have been there for 150 years, for a hundred years. You go back to a university and it’s gone. Weak, weak people.”

That culture and history that the President speaks of is the culture and history of slavery and treason and the denial of human rights and the hoped for destruction of the U.S.A as we knew it then and as we know it today. Is that a good thing to memorialize with statues and flags?

I’m pretty sure that most Americans think not…at least 65% anyway… but despite how our own President, Jefferson Davis Trump I,  feels, this entire problem would be an easy fix for Congress. All they have to do is pass a law that declares all states displaying such monuments publicly, as “Sanctuary States”… (now where have I heard that before?) and then cut off all federal funding until the statues and monuments are taken down.

Especially since it’s the southern states, and especially those that led the charge for secession from the union 157 years ago, that today receive the most tax dollars in federal aid from the U.S. Government…in some case up to 40% of their entire state budget! And these are the states that almost exclusively vote Republican and live by the mantra of, “a smaller federal government that spends less is a better federal government.”

So if they so choose, let the south keep their monuments to their “Great Lost Cause” (that of states rights, slavery and living in their own country) and let the rest of the USA keep our government money for running the federal government…you know, the UNITED States of America…the one government that didn’t lose our cause and truly did make America GREAT again…back in 1865!

It’s A Small World After All

23 Aug

Image: Onrushing Asteroid Drill Just a Test, Isn't It?

If you enjoyed the recent solar eclipse then you should really like this…maybe…

NASA reports that a 2.7 mile wide asteroid named Florence (They name asteroids now?) is headed toward Earth and should arrive just in time for the Labor Day weekend! Fortunately its trajectory will bring it only to within 4.4 million miles from Earth, which means we can stay outside with our barbecues and friends rather than heading for the hills on interstate 95!

According to NASA asteroids are passing by all of the time but this will be the biggest one to pass this closely to Earth since NASA’s program to detect and track near-Earth asteroids began. It’s called NASA’s Center for Near-Earth Object Studies. Who knew?

If you have a telescope you can even watch it pass by starting later this month. And if you are really into asteroids NASA says that another asteroid called 2012 TC4 (Who names these things anyway?) about roughly the size of a house will pass even closer to Earth in early October.

NASA says that it will fly inside the moon’s orbit! But rest easy because it will miss geostationary satellites (thank goodness!) but still they plan to keep a very close eye on it as a test of a new planetary defense system. (apparently we have one of those) NASA said the asteroid, 2012 TC4, had been out of range of telescopes since 2012 and would pass the Earth’s surface no closer than around 4,200 miles on Oct. 12.

However, news of testing the planetary defense system, has resulted in some astronomers speculating about the possibility the asteroid could hit the Earth…after all it’s only about as far away from Earth as New Jersey is from Italy…and I’m Italian! Cosmically speaking what are the odds?

 

NASA says not to worry though because no asteroids that could impact earth in the foreseeable future have been observed… but their spokesperson concluded their statement with “while we know the orbit of 2012 TC4 well enough to be absolutely certain it will not impact Earth, we haven’t established its exact path just yet.              (how un-worrying is that?)

I don’t know about you but I’d feel a lot better if they’d give this house sized chunk of rock a real name like that Florence asteroid… Maybe Gail or Godzilla or Gomorrah? If I’m gonna get hit by an asteroid I’d much rather look up into the sky and shout, “Oh no! It’s Gail! Run!” or Look out for Gomorrah! It cometh again!!!”

Who wants to point up into the sky and shout, “It’s 2012TC Foooooooooore!…right before having to watch your neighbors squashed into oblivion?! Maybe if I were on the golf course at the time with a 1 iron in my hands but other than that…

Anyway, keep an eye out! October 12th… it come!…close?

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes?

22 Aug

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Did you know that  according to Secret Service Director, Randolph Alles , President Trump has traveled so frequently to his properties in Florida, Virginia and New Jersey and his adult children have made so many business trips and/or taken vacations to so many different destinations around the world, that the Secret Service has exhausted the funds reserved to pay for the agents that are needed to protect them (in their travels) by law?

In fact, unless Congress provides more funding,  agents will not be able to receive pay for work they have already done. Over 1,000 agents have reached the federally mandated caps for salary and overtime that were meant to last the entire year!

And President Trump, the candidate who promised that he would be too busy working as POTUS to ever have time to go anywhere, is now on pace, in just his first year of his presidency,  to surpass former President Barack Obama’s spending on travel for his entire eight years.

I have not written much on this blog lately about our president and his administration, partly because of a general malaise on my part and partly because of a growing  weariness as to the constant Republican chants of “Who cares?” and “Give him a chance!” or “He’s better than Obama.”

But now, after 6 months in office Republicans need to explain why this President Trump is so much different, and so much better than any other ordinary, typical, run-of-the-mill  politician, when he is so obviously (made evident by his own words and deeds) so many times more worse than any president, politician or human being that has ever held this great office?!

What did you Republicans hate so much about President Obama and his family’s travel expenses that you now love to the tune of 8 times more when President Trump and his family spend your tax dollars? What kind of uncontrollable cultish hard-on do you have for this man and his ideology? And why? And how did you manage to get it…was it love at first sight? And when the cool-aid is finally served will you drink it down with gusto, reverence and in total fealty to the man…or will he have to deliver you your tax break and Nazi arm band first?

 

 

Addendum

28 Jun

Image result for give us your tired your poor trump

 

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Just don’t get sick while you’re here…

or your shit-outa-luck…

And forget about dying.

You’ll never be able to afford burying yourself.

but you were tired, wretched, homeless and poor when you arrived…

So what were you expecting?

Freedom just isn’t free.

It’s also for profit.

So sail away, back to where you came from.

And don’t let the lamp hit you on the way out that golden door.

 

 

I’ve Gone Cross-eyed!

17 Jun

Image result for big bird

Tweet! Tweet!

Our American President is all a twitter! He has tweeted that he is the subject of a witch hunt for being investigated for firing a man that he was told to fire. “I am being investigated for firing the FBI Director by the man who told me to fire the FBI Director!” tweeted our biggest bird.

However it was the President himself who asked for the letter from the man recommending the firing of the other man by “THE” Man.

And then “THE” Man went on television to tell the reporter man that he was going to fire the man whether or not the other man recommended it or not. “I was going to fire Comey– my decision. There is no good time to do it, by the way,” Trump told NBC News’s Lester Holt. “I was going to fire him regardless of recommendation.”

So the man was getting fired by “THE” man anyway no matter what the other man said in a letter, or recommendation or not.

So “THE Man told the man to write a letter detailing why the man should be fired by “THE” Man even though “THE” Man was going to fire the man in the first place which has now prompted “THE” Man to tweet that the man wouldn’t have been fired by “THE” Man if the man hadn’t told “THE” man to fire the man in the second place even though “THE” Man had already made up his own mind to fire the man…and now we’re back to the first place!

And now I’ve gone cross-eyed! How about you?

 

He’s Just a Caveman

10 Jun

Image result for phil hartman caveman lawyer

The United States of America, as both a country and a T.V. show, has without a doubt “jumped the shark”!

Back in the early 1990’s the late Phil Hartman of Saturday Night Live fame would often play the character of the “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer”. In his sketches featuring this character he would play a Neanderthal who, after being discovered in a glacier and then unfrozen, became a defense and personal injury lawyer and eventually a politician running for the Senate on the platform of eliminating the capital gains tax.

He was portrayed as a “selfish, well-dressed attorney who repeatedly would employ simple folk wisdom  to win his cases.” He also enjoyed significant wealth, driving luxury cars and owning a home on Martha’s Vineyard. But whenever he made a mistake or committed a faux pas or said something crude or rude or out of line he would excuse himself and carry the day with his jury by uttering the line, ” But I’m just a caveman who is not familiar with the ways of the world.”

It struck me this week that our president is a lot like that, or at least that is how his fellow Republicans have decided to excuse his constant rude, crude and boorish behavior.

Whether our President lies or contradicts himself or shoves a fellow statesman out of the way, or insults this diplomat or that public servant, decries the American judicial system, mocks the handicapped, insults women, issues false accusations, tweets inarticulate and incoherent statements, exalts foreign dictators while demeaning friendly heads of state… and on and on and on… the fall back position for his indelicate conduct has become:

“He just doesn’t know how to be a politician. He’s a simple American learning on the job and trying to do the best he can for the American people.” (Like all you American simpleton’s out there?)

So don’t worry America. Our President… despite being a 70 year old billionaire who was able to build a real estate empire, run a presidential campaign and win the United States Presidency… is just a common man, unfamiliar with the ways of the modern world, justice and common human decency, who is going to learn how to be a better person and president while on the job.

And I’m a monkey’s Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!

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