Tag Archives: life

Addendum

28 Jun

Image result for give us your tired your poor trump

 

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Just don’t get sick while you’re here…

or your shit-outa-luck…

And forget about dying.

You’ll never be able to afford burying yourself.

but you were tired, wretched, homeless and poor when you arrived…

So what were you expecting?

Freedom just isn’t free.

It’s also for profit.

So sail away, back to where you came from.

And don’t let the lamp hit you on the way out that golden door.

 

 

I’ve Gone Cross-eyed!

17 Jun

Image result for big bird

Tweet! Tweet!

Our American President is all a twitter! He has tweeted that he is the subject of a witch hunt for being investigated for firing a man that he was told to fire. “I am being investigated for firing the FBI Director by the man who told me to fire the FBI Director!” tweeted our biggest bird.

However it was the President himself who asked for the letter from the man recommending the firing of the other man by “THE” Man.

And then “THE” Man went on television to tell the reporter man that he was going to fire the man whether or not the other man recommended it or not. “I was going to fire Comey– my decision. There is no good time to do it, by the way,” Trump told NBC News’s Lester Holt. “I was going to fire him regardless of recommendation.”

So the man was getting fired by “THE” man anyway no matter what the other man said in a letter, or recommendation or not.

So “THE Man told the man to write a letter detailing why the man should be fired by “THE” Man even though “THE” Man was going to fire the man in the first place which has now prompted “THE” Man to tweet that the man wouldn’t have been fired by “THE” Man if the man hadn’t told “THE” man to fire the man in the second place even though “THE” Man had already made up his own mind to fire the man…and now we’re back to the first place!

And now I’ve gone cross-eyed! How about you?

 

He’s Just a Caveman

10 Jun

Image result for phil hartman caveman lawyer

The United States of America, as both a country and a T.V. show, has without a doubt “jumped the shark”!

Back in the early 1990’s the late Phil Hartman of Saturday Night Live fame would often play the character of the “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer”. In his sketches featuring this character he would play a Neanderthal who, after being discovered in a glacier and then unfrozen, became a defense and personal injury lawyer and eventually a politician running for the Senate on the platform of eliminating the capital gains tax.

He was portrayed as a “selfish, well-dressed attorney who repeatedly would employ simple folk wisdom  to win his cases.” He also enjoyed significant wealth, driving luxury cars and owning a home on Martha’s Vineyard. But whenever he made a mistake or committed a faux pas or said something crude or rude or out of line he would excuse himself and carry the day with his jury by uttering the line, ” But I’m just a caveman who is not familiar with the ways of the world.”

It struck me this week that our president is a lot like that, or at least that is how his fellow Republicans have decided to excuse his constant rude, crude and boorish behavior.

Whether our President lies or contradicts himself or shoves a fellow statesman out of the way, or insults this diplomat or that public servant, decries the American judicial system, mocks the handicapped, insults women, issues false accusations, tweets inarticulate and incoherent statements, exalts foreign dictators while demeaning friendly heads of state… and on and on and on… the fall back position for his indelicate conduct has become:

“He just doesn’t know how to be a politician. He’s a simple American learning on the job and trying to do the best he can for the American people.” (Like all you American simpleton’s out there?)

So don’t worry America. Our President… despite being a 70 year old billionaire who was able to build a real estate empire, run a presidential campaign and win the United States Presidency… is just a common man, unfamiliar with the ways of the modern world, justice and common human decency, who is going to learn how to be a better person and president while on the job.

And I’m a monkey’s Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!

It’s A Secret…

9 Jun

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Shhhhhhh… Because here in 21st century America if it has to do with our government…our government doesn’t want to talk about it. Oh they’re investigating it, whatever “it” may be… but whatever it is that they are finding is too delicate for “we the people” to know about. I suppose we might get upset and decide not to go shopping, which I think has become the American citizen’s only national duty. (and use a credit card please, while doing so)

Other than that we are to be left in the fog of disputed facts and testimonies, various and sundry leaks and tweets and obligatory 5th amendment pleas…and lets not forget the distorted and dark glassed perspectives of opposing political parties and their networked counterparts.

What’s going on inside America’s hallowed halls of government these days? Oh we can talk about it. We just can’t say anything with certainty. No absolutes please. It’s under investigation so we’ll get back to you on that as soon as it’s determined whether or not it’s appropriate to discuss in public.

We’ve ascertained some facts and we’re even following up on some appropriate suspicions. We’ve even gathered some information both dubious and not…so we’ll get back to you on that after our intelligence committees finish their…committeeing? Is that a word?

We’ll investigate and we’ll let you know…

In the mean time, and as Russian President, Putin, would say, “Don’t worry. Be happy!”

 

General Tso’s Fish

25 May

Image result for chinese fishing trawler

Here is the United States our military has 11 aircraft carriers to China’s 1. But when it comes to fishing trawlers China out numbers our fleet by 2,000! As a result the Chinese are happily on their way to eating all of the fish in the ocean…or oceans I should say.

It seems that in recent years the Chinese have had to sail away from their own fishing grounds where they have actually caught almost all of the fish, to fisheries all over the world and thousands of miles from home because…well, there are over a billion and a half Chinese…and they love to eat  fish! To the tune of 3.1 million tons per year! That’s a lot of Sushi.

So much so that other countries around the world are now finding it hard to catch their own fish in their own waters because…as it turns out, there truly are… only so many fish in the sea and not the unlimited supply that Red Lobster tells us there are.

But the Chinese don’t just eat the fish that they catch in the ocean because a 2017 study  published in Fish and Fisheries found that China also hauls in more fish catch for non-human consumption than any other country in the world. Those fish they use to convert into fish oil and fishmeal which they then use to feed to aquaculture fish like farm raised Salmon, which the Chinese apparently really like.

So they are not just feeding fish to people. They are feeding fish to fish so they don’t have to fish for so much fish! Which of course, while delicious, is only making things worse for fishermen around the world.

So if you like to eat fish enjoy them while you can because even though we are pumping money into our navy to protect the seven seas, China is pumping money into its fishing fleet so they can eat all of the fish in the seven seas. Then I suppose when they are done eating… we can have it.

Just ask any mermaid you happen to see, “What’s the best tuna?”

There is none! Just a bunch of aircraft carriers. And they are not very tasty.

Where In the World is North Korea?

15 May
Image result for north korea
North Korea has made significant advances in its attempts to build an intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) with its recent and successful launch of a mid-to-long range missile. Their leader, Kim Jong Un even boasted that their recent launch was aimed at verifying the capability of carrying a “large scale heavy nuclear warhead.” He also

warned our leaders in Washington D.C. not to misjudge the reality that the U.S. is now in North Korea’s “sighting range for a strike.”

The U.S. military’s Pacific Command however, said that the type of missile that was fired was “not consistent” with an ICBM…So… should American’s be worried anyway?

Well, according to a New York Times survey… probably not, because only 36% of Americans know where North Korea is!

Yep, only 36% of adults surveyed could place North Korea on a map. So as far as most Americans are concerned it might as well be on the moon or in Narnia or on the Klingon’s home planet. Now where’s my iPhone??? I want to invade Westeros!

Oh well, that’s according to the New York Times… which of course we all now know is fake news…so no worries… and on the bright side, even if we are attacked with nuclear weapons we’ll certainly never know what hit us…nor where the heck they came from either.

And besides North Koreans can’t be as smart as we Americans are, can they? I mean, how could they be…they’re North Koreans after all…from wherever that is! So if we don’t know where they are, how could they even find us in the first place? Or is that second place? Anyway…

They say that Ignorance is bliss…and maybe so too will be the Apocalypse?

 

 

L…Is Still for Mom

15 May

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone. If you aren’t a mother than you most assuredly have one, so it is a day that we can and should all celebrate. I posted this 4 years ago and as I read it over, I see that most if not all of what I had said then is still true today…so here it is… once again…

It has always struck me as odd, that most westerners of the modern age worship a god who is male when it is the female who gives life and who is most likely to care for and nurture the child…of course I suppose that this same fact could also support our belief in a male deity because we can always say…”where did he go? And why did he leave us alone like this?” too.

Sadly however, in our day and age, the single most important indicator in determining a woman’s likelihood to live out her days in poverty is…childbirth. If a woman in this world can call herself a mother, she is more likely than not… to be poor. That in my opinion is the saddest testament to the failures of the human race that I could ever imagine…And the saddest testament to the failures of men because we are supposed to be partners with women aren’t we? So how come so many women have to go it alone, whether they choose to or not.

The abject cruelty and disdain with how many men treat women, has always been puzzling to me because all men have mothers and most men have wives and many men have sisters and daughters too…and it is not uncommon for almost all men to become angry and outraged should anyone say anything bad about their mothers, daughters sisters or wives.

Yet many if not most of these same men never seem to equate other women as being someone elses mother, daughter, sister or wife thereby causing them to treat those women with the same thoughtfulness, kindness, love and respect that all women, not just “theirs”, deserve.

Instead so many men behave so violently towards women that it is enough to boggle any god’s (male or female) mind. But that is the tragic flaw of men is it not? We see violence as a real solution to problems…and we really believe that it is…really.

And so we keep putting each other in charge and we keep coming up with the same solution…to everything…even when we are fathers we still think that it is a good idea to send our sons…or other people’s sons off to war.

I know that women send there sons to war too, but I think only because men make them. I do believe that If moms were in charge wars and violence would be harder to come by…maybe…but I only say maybe because men would still be around to point out, and insist upon,  how we need to resort to violence to get the job done.

So here’s to moms everywhere. I wish you peace and happiness and the love and respect of grateful children everywhere. And I hope you someday get the chance to  take control of the planet and have the opportunity to show us if indeed, love is the answer…to war, hunger, poverty, religion and greed…because we men still have no freakin’ ideas.

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