The Jersey Red Tide

Coming To a Place Near You?

Some of you may know that I live in New Jersey but did you know that I live in one of the most deadly counties in the world? And it’s at the beach…well, mostly…and it’s the home of the deadly Red Tide! The Red Covid Tide that is…

You see, I live in Ocean County, NJ., one of the most Republican counties in all of New Jersey. In the 37 years that I have lived here I have seen only 3 people elected to serve as either mayor or on the town council in my town…and none of them were re-elected. And that’s true for just about all of the towns around me.

And why is that so important? Well, even though we are a mixture of semi-urban towns and beach towns and we have an average per capita income higher than the national average, we have one of the highest unvaccinated Covid rates in the Northeast. Only 53% of our residents have received at least 2 of the recommended Covid-19 vaccine doses with only 26% receiving the booster shot.

And what is it that explains the vaccine skepticism of Ocean County residents? It’s Politics mostly. Because our county is heavily Republican (President Trump won it by almost 30 percentage points in 2020) and most Republicans, just don’t believe in vaccines (anymore). And besides beach towns and exurban towns we here in O.C. are also the land of Senior Citizen “villages” and those of us who are older than 65 are the most vulnerable to severe Covid illness and death. (Senior C’s account for about 75% of all Covid deaths in the U.S.) So put that all together: Republicans, senior citizens, loss of faith in vaccines…and you’ve got a Covid-19 playground.

But who cares? Right? It’s a free country isn’t it?  However, the large number of unvaccinated residents in Ocean County has led to what some might categorize as a horrific amount of Covid illness and death. Nearly one out of every 200 residents has died from the virus. That is worse than the toll in Mississippi… the U.S. state with the largest amount of Covid deaths per capita! And even worse…it’s the worst death rate than in any Country, except for Peru! Peru? Sorry Peru, but you’re number 2… now. and thusly…Ocean County’s “Red Tide” was born.

And still does anyone care? If we do the math then 1 out of every 200 residents divided into about 618,000 county residents is only 3,090 people. Is that a lot? If 75% of those people are senior citizens… tucked away neatly in their senior villages…(self segregated by choice) then 2,317 of those folks were over the age of 65… and they were on deaths door anyway right? So how many noticed?

I’m sure that their children and grand children noticed but not many else. Hardly anyone is out and about wearing a mask these days and it seems as though every week, parents are assailing the school board about when mask mandates will be ended and Covid restrictions lifted. And what about sports? We must have regular crowded gyms and fields filled with sports and sports fans! And bars and restaurants and malls! It’s important that Americans get back to their way of life, and death, vaccinated or un.

I’m always amazed about how when the topic of Covid comes up in a conversation, someone will always ask, usually in a very condescending and smug way, “Do you know anyone who has died of Covid?!” As though that is the crucial bench mark of a disease. If you don’t personally know anyone who has died from it then it can’t be a thing can it? So why make such a fuss?

As many people have died from the Covid-19 virus and its variants in the past 2 years as have died from Cancer and Heart Disease. And those are the 2 leading killers of Americans year after year after year for quite a few years now (probably for as long as everyone alive today has been alive) and so everyone by now knows someone who has died from those deadly diseases…and so we fear them and don’t want to get them and try to avoid them don’t we? But Covid? This new kid on the block is a sissy, right?

Just imagine if Cancer and heart disease were contagious. They’re no more deadly than Covid-19 but would any of us go outside? Ever? And what if there were vaccines that could protect you from Cancer and Heart Disease and your loved ones also? Who would be so cavalier then to go without those vaccinations and proclaim their bodily sanctuary of freedom before their family and friends? And what if wearing a mask could protect others from catching cancer and heart disease from you? Ha! You say! No masks for me! I’m a free human being and you frightened Indians can go scratch for all I care!

And so alas, the Red Tide of free, bold and like thinking Americans sweeps over us all here in Ocean County and from sea to shining sea, unencumbered, until it infects that other “sea” of humanity that will need to become infected and die in such numbers as to make them take notice one day and say, “Hey God, that could happen to me?” For Chrissakes! When is somebody gonna do something about it?”

But until then it’s just a liberal nuisance like I’m sure cancer and heart disease once were. Now they are mainstays and entire businesses and lifestyles are devoted to them. We know how to prevent heart disease but do we? As many of our beloved institutions and practices are devoted to hurting our hearts as are devoted to helping them. (rehabs, health foods, gyms) (bars, fast foods, chips and sodas) And as for cancer? Are we polluting our environments with fewer noxious, poisonous, toxic, virulent and nasty effluents and pollutants than we once were? Hardly, we’ve added more! We’ve just gotten better at providing more treatments, medications and surgeries than we once did in our efforts to combat cancers.

So all in all it’s a win/win! More sickness and disease. More healthcare and hospitals. The real crisis of Covid it seems has been the lack of hospital space to make this disease cost effective… not the tremendous loss of life. After all what’s 900,000 souls lost when almost 8 billion souls are still with us here on Earth?

Sounds pretty cold and crass doesn’t it? But hey! Do you know anyone who’s died from Covid?

So take care of yourself and Let the Red Tide roll on?

All I Want For Christmas Is…

Someone to shoot!

Ah yes, it’s a Republican Christmas: A time to spread cheer and love and peace on Earth. And what says love and peace and joy better than a wholesome family of mother and child(ren) packing heat along with their holiday message of Christian love?

Is Christmas dead? Apparently not yet!

At least not until Congresswoman Lauren Boebert and her 4 children decide they have a good reason to kill it? No doubt in defense of the Constitution, Santa Claus and Jesus! Because making friends with people who may be different from you is for Heaven…I guess.

And if you are a Republican, or anyone who thinks that this kind of crap is funny or cute or Christian or promoting positive values at Christmas time, especially from a United States Congresswoman who has sworn to represent all Americans, than you might as well get your gun and keep it by your side so you can always be ready to defend yourself… in Hell… where you’ll have all of eternity to blast away at lost souls who think just like you do.

Merry Christmas!

Cracker Box Palace

Somewhere out in the great beyond President Jefferson Davis and General Robert E. Lee are smiling. It may have taken 160 years but the U.S. Capitol, home of those Damned Dirty Yankees, has finally fallen! For yesterday, January 6th, 2021 another American date that will live in infamy (and infancy…as in tantrum) our Capitol building in Washington D.C. was attacked, captured and desecrated by the Confederacy… of Dunces.

It didn’t take very long, just a few pushes and shoves, broken windows, fireworks and Confederate flags flown high and the Republican mob was up Capitol Hill and over the Union’s defenses and into the Capital Building’s domed lobbies, sacred offices and grand legislative chambers.

The insurgents broke windows, started fires, trashed offices and occupied the building with little resistance from the Capitol Police who seemed flustered and confused over how to stop an angry, well armed white mob composed mostly of middle aged ladies in mom jeans and mostly bearded men flaunting their finest hillbilly chic sportswear and work boots.

Our Nation’s National Emblem, The Capitol Building, was in no way defended. There were no teargas canisters deployed, nor rubber bullets fired, nor any sign of heavily armored policemen to thwart the mob’s assault or stand in its way. Our country’s Vice President, and Congressmen and Women, who were inside the building fled in panic or cowered beneath their desks, taken completely by surprise even though they had been warned time and time again by our own President, most of his entourage and scores of elected Congressmen and women, that he would be avenged (most likely with violence) for his election loss.

In fact, only a few minutes before the attack, at a rally near the White House, President Trump and his son Donald Jr. along with trusted lawyer and friend, Rudy Giuliani, exhorted their adoring crowd of sycophantic psychos that it would take strength and not weakness to reclaim their country!

“We will never give up. We will never concede,” Trump told the attendees outside the White House, who cheered him on. “We will stop the steal!” (The election was stolen from him because more people voted against him than for him…and besides as any redneck ninny knows, the only real way to tell if an election held in the USA isn’t rigged is if the Republican candidate wins)

And so off they went, onwards to the Capitol Building of the United States of America! And in a most embarrassing and startling turn of events, captured it with ease…and the Confederacy of Trump was born! They broke and entered! Came, Saw… and Conquered!

The angry mob even Took photos and selfies with some smiling law enforcement? officers? And were even saluted by the Junior Senator from Missouri (seen below raising his fist in a show of white power) as they went about their business of pillaging, desecrating and mocking The Union that had once defeated them in war back in 1865.

All in all the insurrection seemed like Great, White, American fun! Yes, some were arrested (52) and some were killed (4) but when you figure it out as a percentage of the thousands who stormed the barricades (spoiler alert: there weren’t any barricades) it’s positively insignificant! (just like Covid-19) It was the most complete and swift victory ever accomplished by Confederate forces on American soil!

And when the President was appealed to and called upon to do something! anything! in defense of our Great Nation to help stop the rioting and to defend our Revered Constitution and intervene in this most violent insurrection… he took immediate action…and tweeted!!! (The tweet heard round the world?)

“You have to go home now…he said. We have to have peace.” and he added…”I know your pain. I know you’re hurt. We had an election that was stolen from us. It was a landslide election and everyone knows it. Especially the other side. But you have to go home now,” Trump said.

He also added, and I paraphrase here because most of those tweets and videos have been deleted from the internet, (evidence of treason?) that he knows what it’s like to be a poor Confederate who loses when he should win and who doesn’t get what he wants when he wants it and who is persecuted by those who won’t give him what he wants…

He went on…

(And now I quote again) “These are the things and events that happen (the attempted over throw of Democracy?) when a sacred (?) landslide election victory (huh?) is so unceremoniously and viciously stripped away (by counting the voters votes?) from great patriots (He is calling the Confederate insurrectionists great patriots!) who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long, (Since the Civil War?) So go home. We love you. (He loves those who stormed the Capitol?) You’re very special. (because they did it for him?)

“It’s a very tough period of time,” he added. “But we can’t play into the hands of these people. (Americans? The Union? Those Citizens who didn’t vote for him?) who he went on to characterize as “so so bad and so so evil”! (If you didn’t vote for him you are evil…it’s THAT simple?) 330 million citizens – 74 million Trump voters leaves @ 256 Evil Americans! That’s a lot of evil Americans! No wonder most Republicans find so much fault with America…and Americans.

Ah well…and so when it got dark they were asked to leave and they left: these Haters of Democracy…these Champions of evil… rooting out of!…these Overthrowers of elections…not winning!… These Crackers of… where’s my cream cheese!

And they suffered No consequences…No bullets in the back as they retreated…No kneels to the backs of their necks as they gasped desperately in defense of their innocence…No hours long interrogations or confession signings… nope, nada. It’s as though they all had Presidential PBA Cards! It’s so good to know someone important isn’t it? It’s just so good to be so white and so right in America… isn’t it?

But what happens now? President Trump still has 2 full weeks to wield his scepter of seemingly unlimited influence and control over his mutineer minions. He still maintains that he has been wronged, swindled and unfairly toppled from his rightful throne. … and his confederated zealots, fresh from victory agree. And both have sworn to never give up their fight to restore him to his most lofty latrine of power.

One commentator offered a suggestion as to why all of this was happening: “The president just doesn’t know how to accept losing” he said… But I say that our President just doesn’t know how to accept America… and never has…nor do his followers.

So what happens now? Will this republican mob make another coordinated attack before or during the inauguration of President-elect Biden? Will President Trump have already pardoned himself before they do so? Will the insurgents be carrying Presidential pardons in their pockets too… thus having been made an invulnerable, un-prosecutable, monster mob of President Trump’s self righteous Id?

Holy Psyche Batman!

Who will stand up to this disparagement of Democracy? Will only the crack of doom cancel this shit show? Maybe President Trump will leave office peacefully, only to retire to Florida to live in Ex-presidential exile where he will then take to the airwaves as a prognosticating naysayer of all things not to his liking?… His family squabbling on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram as a veritable Duck Dynasty of Doomsday Drivel and Despair?

Will we all be subjected to a daily soundtrack of American mockery…without reprieve nor end, from a self pardoned President and his brood awaiting their return to power?

Stay tuned America! Same Trump time! Same Trump channel!

Breaking News from the White House Press Secretary…(republicans, you will not want to miss this!)

The White House press secretary has just announced that in 2016 President Trump had the largest, greatest and most attended inauguration in the history of the United States!

(Note: images may appear doctored depending on your point of view and/or mental health)

And in News from the Justice Department: The Attorney General of the Unites States has announced that U.S. prosecutors may begin looking for the strawberries!

Meanwhile: The President-Elect, Joseph Biden, is not receiving his daily intelligence briefings as per U.S. law, and national security officials are being fired and/or resigning from office.

The CDC says that Democracy may have contracted a terminal illness but their findings as of yet remain unclear…

Stay tuned for more breaking news!

White House Surrenders! Victory Declared!

It’s Over! Hurrah! The Covid-19 Virus has been defeated even though our government has just announced that “We will not try to control the pandemic!”

From now on we will just treat it like the common ordinary flu with vaccines and medicines and getting better. So there!

Even though the Coronavirus has felled almost 230,000 citizens in 8 months and is 10 times more deadly than the common, ordinary flu virus it can’t win if we just ignore it…

You know, like we do with the common, everyday, ordinary flu! So what if it kills 36,000 Americans each year? Who cares? Do you know any of those 36,000?…probably not. And so what if this new virus kills 360,000 per year? Do you know any of those people either?

“Just get over it!” Says our President! “Don’t let it dominate you!” “It’s all just a big media hoax.”

If we stop testing it, it can’t pass the test now can it? And we won’t have so many cases then will we? And if you do get it and die from it because you were too fat or too asthmatic or too old or too poor or whatever… then that was the real killer wasn’t it? And it really was all your fault wasn’t it?

So stop complaining and take better care of yourself!

Let’s all just ignore it and stop being so frightened and simply declare victory! How can the virus win if we win first?! We can’t both win can we? So there! Take that Coronavirus!

And today The White House science office (when did the White House get a science office?) listed “ending the COVID-19 pandemic” as the top accomplishment of  President Trump’s first term. His TOP accomplishment!…Which he just accomplished! Wow!

And today was also the day when the U.S. set a record for new daily infections! Talk about snatching victory from the jaws of defeat! Way to go White House Science Department!

Who knew that surrender could lead to such sweet, wonderful victory!?

I mean who knew that victory could lead to such sweet wonderful surrender?

I don’t know what I mean but someone does…

Our very own stable genius, That’s who!

And according to Presidential Advisor, Jared Kushner, President Trump has been “getting the country back from the doctors” in what he called a “negotiated settlement.”

It was such a simple minded idea that it was simply, absolutely brilliant!

We negotiated a settlement with the doctors who agreed to stand down from their all out assault on the American public’s freedom, while our President (AKA The “great negotiator” BTW) stepped in and made peace with the deadly virus by declaring it an enemy that he no longer recognizes.

So it’s all over now folks…Huzzah! (except for The Dying)

Nothing to do from now on but the shopping and the playing and the school going and the work doing and the stock marketing and well, you know…(The Dying)

so just do me a favor will ya?

Don’t die!

And if by chance you do…keep it to yourself… okay?

Why spoil such a good plan?

You’re Welcome!

Don’t Forget to Vote! Twice!

Yes, I want you! To Vote Twice!

United States President Donald Trump has told people in the state of North Carolina to vote twice in this November’s election! He has suggested to voters that in order to test the voting system they should send in a vote by mail postal and then go vote in person on Election Day just in case.

You know just in case you’d like to take a chance and commit a Federal crime punishable by a 10 thousand dollar fine and 5 years in the federal pokey. “Let them send it in and let them go vote,” he told North Carolina broadcaster WECT-TV…(and let them have a piece of cake too!)

And then, just to be clear about what he wanted U.S. voters to do, (in case you thought you’d heard him wrong) he tweeted the next day: if people vote by post they should also go to the polling station “to see whether or not your mail-in vote has been tabulated” and then vote in person if necessary.

And then when President Trump’s comments were put to Attorney General William Barr, he said it was unclear what the president meant!?!

WTF? How is anything that the President says ever unclear? He usually repeats himself, then smiles and waves, later retweets it on Twitter and then goes on FOX News and repeats himself on camera and in front of a microphone… and several million witnesses!

And our Attorney General, the ultimate arbiter of law in our country, doesn’t understand what he means when he speaks in English, tweets in English and repeats himself on TV????? How does he do his freakin’ job if he can’t understand what people say?

Our POTUS tells us to go break the law of the country that he is President of and our Attorney General when asked for a clarification says, Duh, I dunno? And both of these “law and order” statesmen have already sanctioned committees and investigative bodies to look into our election laws and practices to see if there was any fraudulent hank panky going on…and came up with…

Nada! Zilch! Nil! Zero! Bupkis! Zip! Sweet Fanny Adams! Nothing at all.

And yet when Speaking at the Republican National Convention last month, The President claimed “there’s tremendous fraud involved” with postal voting and that “we have to be very, very careful”.

But these claims have been strongly and repeatedly debunked by experts. Ellen Weintraub, the commissioner of the Federal Election Commission, responded at the time that “there’s simply no basis for the conspiracy theory that voting by mail causes fraud”. In addition, numerous nationwide and state-level studies over the years have not revealed evidence of major, widespread fraud. And according to a 2017 study by the Brennan Center for Justice, The rate of voting fraud overall in the US is between 0.00004% and 0.0009%.

In the 2016 US presidential election, nearly one quarter of votes were cast by post, and did you hear then President Elect Donald J. Trump complain about that?

Nope! Nada! Zilch! Bupkis! Zip! Not a goose egg nor a dicky bird…

Yet both our President and our Attorney General continue to float completely baseless hypothetical and nonsensical theories in which thousands of ballots and voters will appear from out of nowhere. THE LEADERS OF OUR COUNTRY are deliberately and maliciously undermining our normal and legitimate election procedures and dismissing any criticism of them as delusional.

And! Our President has already stated the the only way he can lose this election is if it is “rigged” and that there is “no way in which the Democrats can legitimately win” and that if they do win he is “not sure that he will accept the results”!

The 2 top authoritative figures in America are mocking America not trying to make it great! And no one seems to care? And their Republican minions think it’s outrageously patriotic for them to be so dismissive of American institutions, traditions and laws! All while making America great again???

I just don’t get it. It seems as though The POTUS and The AGOTUS are rooting against America, doing their best to divide the citizens of the United States and hoping to create chaos in our country come November no matter what the outcome of the election may be.

They couldn’t be doing a better job of undermining America’s values and constitutional principles than if they were actually working for a foreign government. Maybe they are? If they aren’t then they certainly are putting together a fantastic resume for their next job interview…that is if they lose!

How could they possibly win when they are openly displaying their dirty tricks, dirty laundry and dirty tactics in front of the entire world and their sycophantic, gullible minions to see?…And they still want to see what was in Hillary’s emails?! What could Hillary possibly have emailed anyone, friend or foe, that could have possibly compromised America as much as these 2 men openly do on a daily basis?

If this carnival show is picked up for another season ladies and gentlemen…and it is just that: a grotesque circus of perverse entertainment… just unplug your television sets, sit quietly and wait for the sky to fall on Democracy, Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, apple pie and George Washington’s Holy Ghost…because I can’t seem to shake this horrible feeling that it will truly be over.

Finished! fini! The end! cancelled! The fat lady will belt out her big finale! goodnight sweet prince!…and God bless us…everyone.

The Children’s Crusade

Once upon a time in America, if you were a politician, you could be assured of losing the voters confidence and/or your job just by refusing to acknowledge or by merely implying that America’s children weren’t the most important and precious resource that out country has.

And once upon a time in history over 800 years ago as the story goes, A young man began to preach in either France or Germany; claiming that he had been visited by Jesus, who instructed him to lead a crusade in order to peacefully convert Muslims to Christianity.

Through a series of portents and miracles, he gained a following of up to 30,000 children and led his followers south towards the Mediterranean Sea, in the belief that the sea would part on their arrival, which would allow him and his followers to walk to Jerusalem.

Unfortunately That did not happen and the children wound up being sold to two merchants who gave them free passage by boat to Tunisia where they were then sold into slavery… or in another version of the story, died in a shipwreck.

Although much of that story may be part myth, part legend  and part history many historians came to believe that they were not all children, but multiple bands of “wandering poor” in Germany and France who were part of a social upheaval: the downtrodden and disenfranchised in search of a “cause” so to speak…

The Children’s Crusade occurred in 1212 and at that time the words used to describe the travellers or crusaders were “parvuli” or “infantes” which were words that scholars have come to interpret as being words that The Church at that time used to describe “wage workers or labourers” who were young and had no inheritance and who were also “powerless”… and as a consequence, expendable.

However, today in modern times it is early September of 2020, or 808 years later, and once again we are about to embark on another children’s crusade as we send our youngest and most powerless children back to school during the midst of the Covid-19 Pandemic.

And they are being sent on a mission to save America from itself…asked to bravely go out into the world together in large groups to basically…send America back to work and to lead Americans back indoors and to return the economy to a sense of normalcy in an effort to…see what happens.

Are our children, as some say, immune to this terrible disease? Or will they catch it in large numbers like grown ups do and fall ill? Perhaps they will contract the virus but feel no effects and be no worse for the wear? Maybe they will bring it home to others in their family and spread the disease to loved ones who will too get sick but suffer a worse degree of illness than they, the carriers, do?

We just don’t know because while we suspended school and large social gatherings last March to avoid the spread of the Covid-19 virus, we have done nothing to hinder the virus from lying in wait for our, and our children’s return.

And thus, their “crusade”, if you will, begins. And why must we send them to schools and colleges en masse? Because who is to watch the children if they stay home? For our 2020 modern society is now based on work and capitalism where mothers and fathers alike go out into the working world to earn money to keep the economy growing… and one cannot grow the economy with children in tow.

And so, they go…to school…to learn…but mostly to be watched by teachers who are also child care-takers, an extra job also necessitated by the rise and popularity of capitalism. Alas, no one is home anymore, at least among the “wage workers” who are young and without capital.

But sadly teachers are wage workers also and many cannot go to work and watch the children of others when they have to leave their children at home.

And even though more than 97,000 children in the U.S. tested positive for the coronavirus in the last two weeks of July, findings, compiled by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Children’s Hospital Association, included data from 49 states, meaning the number of infections could be even higher.

Health Officials have long warned that the true coronavirus toll may be much higher than reported due to insufficient testing and the lack of symptoms in many people who are infected. And with over 6 million confirmed cases in the U.S. with more than 500,000 of those cases being children there is no way of knowing what will happen next.

Yet still we plan to send our “les infantes” out on this crusade… except this time we are actually sending real children out into the fray! (along with teachers and support staff and other wage workers) Some actually want to go, some are choosing to stay at home and still others are being forced against their will and better judgement… But Will their sacrifice breathe life back into our economy or will our hopes and dreams be dashed on the rocks of poor judgement and greed? 

I can’t believe I’m saying this but…we shall see? To paraphrase an ancient Greek philosopher’s maxim:  We are sending our hearts out into the world…unguarded.

Good luck and Godspeed to the crusaders… and us all!

It’s Aca…Epidemic

 

 

Unfortunately here in America gun violence is now both academic and epidemic and has been for a long time…for such a long time that we are no longer even surprised that there is so much gun violence in America. Let me ask you this: When you heard about the most recent mass shooting at a public high school in Florida was your first thought or question, “How many?”…I’ll bet it wasn’t, “I can’t believe it” or “How shocking!”

A few weeks ago I heard a newscaster say on the air, “Today we had the largest mass shooting in a church.” …mass killings by lone individuals have become so common here in America that we now categorize them. We no longer just ask “how many” we also want to know where the killings happened. “Gee, was it in a Church? Movie Theater? Office building? At a concert? In a Public school?… Really? College, High School or Grammar??”

So far a total of 30 mass shooting incidents have occurred as of February 14, in 2018 alone… including the most recent school shooting in Florida. Can you even name or remember the other 29?…When? Where? or Who? and by Whom?… It’s only been 45 days since they ALL occurred.

But oddly enough for a country that seems to be so good at violence we don’t even agree on a definition as to what a mass shooting is. According to the Gun Violence Archive, a mass shooting is described as four or more individuals being shot or killed in the same general time and location while the The F.B.I. defines a “mass killing” as the killing of three or more people in a public place.

Here’s another way to understand how routine gun killing has become here in America. If you are now thinking: “Only 3 or 4 at a time is a mass shooting? That’s all?” …58 is the record so far…in case you were wondering. In fact, There have been 1,624 mass shootings in the last 1,870 days with 8 thousand seven hundred and twenty three casualties…(8,723!)

And now you might be thinking: “That sounds like quite a lot of people for 1,624 shootings…But how many of those casualties were actually, you know, people who were killed?” We Americans do like to qualify our statistics… but does it really matter? Is being wounded, terrified or emotionally broken during a mass shooting really all that much better than being killed? Because quite often we don’t even count you when we recall the tragedy in it’s aftermath, do we?

That’s how much we love guns in America! We don’t want guns to feel too bad for all of the havoc, pain and suffering they wreak upon our countrymen so we just count the dead, offer our rote prayers and let the wounded heal themselves and move on with our own lives. In fact we love to say that guns don’t kill people at all… Silly humans…it’s the people that do the killing! So don’t feel bad guns, you are totally innocent and blameless in this equation.

And it isn’t even people that do the killing. It’s “crazy people!” that do it. In fact if you outlawed the innocent guns, then only regular normal Americans would be deprived of their beloved guns while the crazy people and outlaws (also crazy) would have all of the guns…because…there is no way to keep “crazy people” from getting a hold of and having guns because…”they are crazy!!!”

And besides, have you not read the 2nd Amendment to our Constitution of these United States which is the greatest and most noble of all of the Amendments and which supersedes and supplants all other documents and writs, amendments and rules…including those of the second greatest document ever written, and that one in stone!

Let us never forget that it is written: Thou shalt own a gun if thou wants one! And as many as thou likes! In all their newest and most recent incarnations! And from the first time when our Founding Fathers’s first formed this immutable truth in their divine minds until the crack of doom shall they be made available to all American citizens of all ages! Amen!

And even though the 2nd Amendment, rather succinctly and somewhat poetically, says this: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”…I’m pretty sure that my version is what many if not most Americans hear in their gun adoring minds when they read those most sacred words.

Why do you suppose that our Founding Fathers put words like “militia” and “regulated” into that amendment along with commas and clauses, if they had no meaning or purpose? They must have had a reason don’t you think? Sadly, Our Supreme Court can’t even figure that one out…and they went to lots of schools! Where supposedly they learned language and how to read a sentence.

And now look what’s happened. Our institutions of learning, have become killing grounds…no offense to you churches, theaters, concert venues, office buildings… and our homes!…for you too have become frightening fields of fire also. So what to do?

Gun proponents have an idea! One that they just won’t let go…and that of course is: GUNS! More guns! Great, Glorious and Mandatory guns for everyone! Teachers, Reverends, Office Managers, Concert Organizers…Heck EVERYONE should have a gun and be at the ready to shoot “the crazy ones”!

Sure, that doesn’t sound crazy. It sounds cool! In comes the shooter. He (not sexist because it’s always a he) comes in to wherever, and starts to shoot people… and then other people (not crazy, hes or shes) take out their guns and start a shootout! Which continues until the police arrive with their guns, calm things down (another shootout?) and sort out the victims, villains and new heroes! And hopefully it’s all recorded so we other Americans can watch on TV how it all worked so well and then hand out our prayers, penalties and awards.

And this will of course work because Other crazy people with guns will of course be watching also and they will realize that they had better not go out shooting in places where they thought would be others without guns because they will just get shot too. And so the violence will end and our much beloved guns will be the reason why.

And so now you are thinking: “Boy this guy is really stupid!” There will be no shootouts because the bad guys will already know that everyone is carrying a gun because gun laws will be passed allowing everyone, everywhere to carry a “concealed weapon” and then the bad guys won’t know if you have one or not or who has one or doesn’t and then they will be afraid to go anywhere to shoot anyone because they might get shot. The end.

But now let me ask you this: Imagine for an instant that you want to go out and kill people (because you are crazy) and you have an AR-15 semi-automatic assault style rifle but you are afraid that regular normal people are packing too, (handguns) so, can you think of any other places to go besides, schools, concerts, churches, office buildings and theaters? Go ahead and try…I’ll wait…

Well? Anywhere and everywhere comes to my mind and I don’t want to give any ideas to anyone lest you think me crazy but so far in this essay I have forgotten to mention malls, homes and post offices as places where we have had many mass shootings. Remember the phrase “Going Postal”? Once upon a time post offices and postmen (not women) were places and people to stay away from. I wonder why we don’t go postal anymore? Email?

Anyway, most of America’s mass shooters were known to have violent tendencies or criminal pasts. Others seemed largely fine until they attacked. All but 3 were male and the vast majority were between the ages of 20 and 49. More than half — 88 of them — died at or near the scene of the shooting, often by killing themselves…so mass shooters are often not even thinking about living to “tell the tale” or gloat in their madness. So I sincerely doubt that you or me having a gun with which to defend ourselves will deter their madness in any way…in fact it might just provide more of a challenge to them. Why? Because they are freaking, crazy nut-bars! Remember?

Just so you know, here is a computer rendering of an average mass shooter in America taken from the analysis and conglomeration of faces of 39 recent mass American killers. Notice anything that might give you a clue as to what to look out for in the future as you make it through your typical daily life adventures?

It’s white men who are most often the perpetrators behind mass violence! More than 50 percent of shooters are white. That’s more than three 1/2 times the likelihood of a black shooter and despite misconceptions of terrorists from the Middle East killing Americans, only 4 percent of mass shooters are Middle Eastern.

Which brings us to another question: Why do we spend trillions of dollars on our military and on waging wars in far off countries in efforts to protect our freedom and to keep us safe from immigrants who “just want to come over here and kill us” when we Americans are the ones who do almost all of the killing in America? The average yearly score is something like 35,000 to 6! So put down the phone and get out of the house! The killer is in the house!

Even American toddlers out kill terrorists (accidentally of course) and that’s only when they have access to guns, which is why gun owners live more dangerous lives than non gun owners…but do we have a war on toddlers? Of course not.

Let’s face it. Americans enjoy killing, especially with guns. It is our preferred method of murder and of suicide. We may even have a gun parade this fall in the middle of Washington D.C….And when our President goes on his speaking rallies he mentions a stronger military and the crowd goes wild! When he says that he has done more to protect our 2nd Amendment rights in his first year as President than any other President…the crowd goes wild! When he says that he will build a wall and keep murdering, horrible, shit hole foreigners out of our country…the crowd goes Ape shit!

This is what we do people. Among the industrialized nations of the world, We are first in childhood poverty and first in military expenditures! We are first in childhood hunger and first in gun ownership! We are first in school shootings and first in children without access to proper healthcare! Is it any wonder that we are first in crazy?

Right now people on Twitter are trashing the children in Florida for demonstrating against gun violence. The White House is blaming the FBI as a useless, corrupt, wasteful organization that needs to be purged and even many of our leaders of faith are taking the side of the poor innocent AR-15 because what we have here is not a gun problem… it’s a social disease that can only be cured with more Jesus.

Well, we Americans do have some kind of disease and whatever it is we’ve got it bad. So bad that many of us can no longer even accept that we have a disease or were ever even sick in the first place.

Let’s face it we have all of the signs of addiction: We have a problem but won’t do anything about it. When someone else points out that we have a problem we refuse to believe it. We think someone else has the problem. We accept no solutions, because we have no problem in the first place. When our pusher/provider (The NRA) tells us that what we need is more product…we buy more product. And when and if the law does come around to try to penalize us we bad mouth the law.

Cravings, Tolerance, Dependence, Poor Judgement, Withdrawal, Neglect. We’ve got all of the signs! We’re Gunaholics! Firearms have become our heroine…our drug of choice…and we can’t get sober… and we are not about to go cold turkey on our guns any time soon. Nohow, noway.

So what do we do? When you are an addict there are only two ways to go. Withdrawal or Overdose and as everyone who has ever been an addict or been with an addict knows…it is up to the addict to decide. So which way will America go? What shall we decide? I have no clue but I would offer up one suggestion as we move forward.

Please don’t let us white guys lead the way. We will trick you at every turn.

 

 

 

 

 

A First Family Example

President Trump and the First family live in the White House now but their official address for voting purposes is still in New York City so during the 2017 election this November the First Family sent in absentee ballots to cast their official votes in the election.

President Trump however, signed and mailed in his absentee ballot for NYC’s mayoral race, with the wrong date of birth. Above is a copy of his ballot obtained and published by the New York Daily News. The President was born in June and not July as his ballot states.

Meanwhile, First Lady, Melania Trump, had her absentee ballot rejected because she incorrectly wrote in her address… Under “county” she wrote in “USA” rather than “New York.” She also failed to sign the inner envelope, per the instructions.

Then First Daughter, Ivanka, had her ballot rejected because she mailed it too late!… And her husband Jared? Well, he just didn’t bother to vote at all… Perhaps he was too busy brokering peace in the Middle East?

So there you have it: The First Family goes 0 for 4 in their first election after winning the White House in 2016…And this from a President whose first order of business was to create a special Presidential Commission to look into what is wrong with our electoral system!?!

So much for the common folk of America trying to clean the government swamp that is filled with too many career politicians and the serial wealthy…I guess this is what happens when you’re like, really smart…huh? Hey where’s the forest? All I can see is a bunch of trees! Now let’s all eat some cake! Chocolate! Mmmmmmmm, yummy!

 

 

The NFL and SOBs

According to the most recent Nielsen data, NBC’s “Sunday Night Football” in the first two weeks of the regular season is down 7% in viewership compared to last year, while ESPN’s “Monday Night Football,” is down 5% and the averages of Sunday afternoon games on Fox and CBS are down 11% and 19% respectively. 

And President Donald Trump thinks that he knows the reason why because he tweeted this: “NFL ratings are down massively, Now, the No. 1 reason happens to be that they like watching what’s happening…with yours truly.”

Wow! Our POTUS believes that people…up to 19% more, would rather watch him than football! But to be fair he also tweeted that NFL viewership is down because NFL players don’t hit each other hard enough anymore and that has made the games boring. Too much safety and not enough entertainment.

He also said that the players who protest by kneeling during the National Anthem have disrespected America to the point where no one wants to watch their games anymore and he tweeted: “Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a bitch off the field right now, out, he’s fired!’ … They’ll be (the owner) the most popular person, for a week. They’ll be the most popular person in the country.” (our president puts a high premium on popularity)

President Trump however is also the president who said that Neo-Nazis and white supremacists who marched in Virginia had a permit and the right to free speech under the first amendment of our Constitution… And he did not call them sons of bitches either… But he did point out that those who protested against the Neo/WS and did so violently, were just as bad as any neo-nazis… but only the bad ones.

So why is an NFL protester who quietly takes a knee during our National Anthem a son of a bitch who should lose his job, while a white supremacist neo nazi who shouts “blood and soil” and “no more Jews” while carrying a torch and marching en masse, is protected by the First Amendment and his permit?

By our president’s own logic he is just as bad as an NFL player because he has violently spoken out in protest against NFL protesters!…and as a consequence should lose his job? Unless of course he is protected by the First Amendment too and or has/had a permit to tweet/speak? Plus, I don’t think he has a boss who could fire him anyway.

But seriously folks, doesn’t he have anything better to do? Like Presidenting? Is it really important who has better ratings? The President and All 32 NFL franchises are worth over 1 billion dollars. Someone must be watching. Is this a TV show or a sovereign nation we’re living in?

And finally…We do actually have a first Amendment in this country! Which says: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

That’s why we have protests and quarrels about religious differences and public grievances and news, both real and fake (unfortunately) It’s FREEDOM! And you may freely express yourself, WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOUR JOB! or BEING CALLED A SON OF A BITCH! OR GETTING RUN OVER BY A CAR!

By-the- way…Being PEACEABLE,  (inclined to avoid argument or violent conflict) is the operative word in that amendment.

So get over it America… and Mr. President…and PLAY BALL!… Peaceably… (except for the part about where the President wants NFL players to hit each other more often and more violently…but just for ratings, and entertainment, and not to be so boring…you understand?)… I swear you just can’t make this stuff up anymore!