Killing People and Breaking Things

8 Aug

If you watched the Republican debate yesterday then you know that Mike Huckabee probably summed it up best when he said that “the point of the military is to kill people and break things”, because that was the one thing that all 10 candidates on the dais seemed to agree upon: The United States needs to spend more money on the military…Oh wait, there was another thing: The United States must break from the proposed treaty with Iran.

So If we are to take what they said as gospel then should one of the 10 Republicans be elected president, He will immediately dissolve the treaty with Iran, increase spending on the military and, I assume, eventually go to war with Iran. Because according to all of the Republican candidates you cannot trust the Iranian government, nor any Iranian because they are an evil and untrustworthy sort and that apparently includes all 55 million of them! Which should make for quite a very long war….and more veterans too! Which the Republicans all pledged to take better care of.

But not to worry because the Republican plan to pay for that war includes not raising taxes…not ever! Not one of the candidates plans on adding revenue to the budget because it is already too big and in too much debt. And Really, who wants more money when you are in debt? Not me. How about you?

So how will we pay for a larger military and a possible decades long war with Iran?…By cutting taxes of course! They almost all agree on that. Raise spending and cut income! Cut taxes and collect more money! But from where? Savings of course!

They also all seem to agree that Medicare and Medicaid must go! So should Social Security! And no more Health Care as in The Affordable Care Act! All of those programs are too expensive and broken to boot! We also need to cut welfare and food stamps and programs for the poor and downtrodden… and women especially. Those are all things that we have too much of already.

So with all of this money we are going to save by not helping our citizens make ends meet, what else do we need besides a larger Military? Anything? Yes! Say the Republicans. We need a wall to keep people, namely Spanish people, out!…or a fence will do…or perhaps the Rio Grande filled to the brim with battery acid? (My idea)…but in any event they all agree that something must be done to keep people out of America.

Except for babies! We need more babies, definitely. Because babies, no matter how many months, days or hours old, are people who have rights that need to be protected… just like corporations…but not like mothers…because my best guess is  that a mother is a person who has used up all of her rights by getting pregnant…while a man’s rights it seems are never diminished by impregnating others…just enhanced, I think.

Anyway, that’s the Republican plan in a nutshell:

More: Military, War, Veterans, Veteran care, Walls and Babies.

Less, fewer or no: Taxes, Hispanics, Social Programs, Health Care and Abortions.

So vote Republican! And look for a job in the Armed Forces, construction or a womb near you…but please, please, please, if you choose the womb, do not grow up to be gay, poor, sick, Spanish, a woman or old!

8 Responses to “Killing People and Breaking Things”

  1. George August 8, 2015 at 1:35 am #

    There isn’t a politician, Republican or Democrat, that isn’t a human sound bite filled with sludge. Three hundred million people and we can’t find two individuals whose resume doesn’t consider lying as second language. It’s pathetic.

  2. RAB August 8, 2015 at 2:51 am #

    A very good summary of the Republican platform!

  3. ruminationville August 8, 2015 at 3:26 am #


  4. Morgan Mussell August 8, 2015 at 6:06 am #

    You seem to be engaged in “critical thinking,” which has been cut from the curriculum in Texas, and I assume will be stricken from more systems if this party prevails.

  5. emmylgant August 8, 2015 at 7:34 am #

    Words fail me.

  6. Ruth August 8, 2015 at 10:24 am #

    Astute summation. Yikes!

  7. Listicle Soup August 8, 2015 at 8:53 pm #

    Here in the UK we’ve been treated to the Conservative (with a big and a small c)approach to a post credit crunch political world for the last 5 year and are still motoring ahead: cuts in welfare, tax cuts for the rich, attacks on the Unions; and the Conservative party here are just a pale imitation of the GOP. We’re all still waiting for the crumbs from the rich man’s table to land.

  8. J.R.Goldrich August 10, 2015 at 11:46 pm #

    Once again, you have artfully and powerfully voiced my thoughts in your immitable way! FANTASTIC! I am posting this one on my Facebook page, for sure!

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