I have 12 years to live!
At least to live above the poverty line…
That is If I do in fact live that long…
Because by age 72, according to our most corpulent governor, Chris Christie the 1st, my pension fund will be empty. He practically guarantees it! Our Beefy Boss says that any system where a person pays in 95,000 dollars and takes out 2.3 million dollars is destined to fail…that would of course be a system where Methuselah represented every pensioner because I would have to live to be about 969 to get paid 2.3 million dollars in retirement.
That’s an exaggeration on my part of course (by about 700 years) but then again so is everything that comes out of the Governor’s mouth, rather like so many of his farts, which I have no doubt represent more of the truth about our Over-sized Overseer than anything that he has to say.
When Mr. Christie was elected governor of New Jersey in 2009, he assured the state’s police officers and firefighters that, “Nothing will change for the pensions of current officers, future officers or retirees in a Christie administration. It is a sacred trust.” He told the state’s teachers the same thing…
But the intervening six years have shown just how little that “sacred trust” is worth to our Garden State Gargantuan, who signed legislation in 2011 raising public employees’ pension contributions and curbing their benefits. Employees were asked to make concessions which included raising the retirement age, suspending cost-of-living increases for retirees, and requiring workers to contribute more toward their pensions and health benefits, from 5.5 percent to 7.5 percent for teachers and 8.5 to 10 percent for Police and firemen with Judicial employees kicking in an additional 9 percent of their salary.
In return, our Most Magnanimous and Meaty Manager promised to make the state’s regular and contractual payments into the pension system, something that hadn’t been done by Governor Christie before (nor by most of his thieving governmental predecessors, I must add) However, this Head Honcho of Husk failed to deliver on those promises and those payments, which drove our pension system deeper into debt — a move that a judge later ruled to be unlawful.
But unlike previous Governors, Chris “Crispy Creme” Christie didn’t just stop payments but has also seen to it that the New Jersey pension system paid more than $600 million in fees to financial firms in 2014 — 50 percent more than the previous year, and at a higher rate than almost any other state reports paying for pension management. And he has had the pension money invested in high-fee firms whose executives made campaign contributions to Republican political groups…all the while telling New Jersey teachers, firefighters, cops and other public workers that “there are no alternatives” to cutting our retirement benefits because the state pension system is so strapped for cash.
Mr Christie’s overbite (excuse me, oversight) of our pension system has gotten so bad that former Securities and Exchange Commission attorney Ted Siedle, who conducts forensic investigations of state and local pensions says that New Jersey is the “Poster Child for pension system shenanigans happening to pension systems all across the country.” Including shenanigans like: lack of transparency, skyrocketing risks and fees and chronic under performance…with shenanigans being the operative euphemism for…stealing!
And now of course our Weighty Chief of State is happy, no, practically giddy, if you watch him on the morning shows, to tell us and all of America that the NJ pension system will collapse and go broke in 12 years. Now everyone sit down and shut the ef up!
But On a lighter note:
Our Elephantine Executive paid for food and drinks at MetLife Stadium with a state debit card 58 times over the 2010 and 2011 NFL seasons, accruing a bill of 82,594 dollars. That’s an average of nearly $1,500 on food and drinks every time he attended a football game. If you follow the governor at all you know that Our Paragon of Plump is fond of saying that while serving in public office he wants to “squeeze the orange for everything he can get.”… Here I believe orange being his operative euphemism for electorate, while he means squeeze, as in…screw.
So go ahead America and vote for Chris Christie for president of the United States! I’m sure He’ll be more than happy to liquidate your Social Security checks in an all out effort to outdo the late great Roman Emperor, Nero, who was once said to have fiddled while Rome burned.
So Won’t it be great fun America, to watch New Jersey’s Rotunda of Rule… Fart while America goes Belly Up!