Tag Archives: New Jersey

I have a feeling I’m not in Jersey Anymore

24 Apr

Tornado in Toms River 4-21-20

This is what came down our street earlier this week! And it announced its arrival with the sound of a freight train, which was quite frightening because we don’t live near any train tracks. And it swept through our neighborhood like the monster from the Id did when it came for Dr. Morbius in Forbidden Planet, with trees tossed to and fro and houses be damned.

But do I live in Kansas or Oklahoma or somewhere else in the Midwest? Nope. I live in New Jersey… and near the beach!

Whatever happened to storms? You know, the kind the dictionary describes like this: a disturbance of the atmosphere marked by wind and usually by rain, snow, hail, sleet, or thunder and lightning… but NOT ALL AT ONCE!

Good grief! What’s happened to New Jersey?! That quiet little corner of the world east of the Delaware River tucked in between 2 other states big cities. Home of parkways and turnpikes and interstates peppered with rest stops serving pork roll and cheese sandwiches? Where a gas station or big lot store or Pizza Town can be found on most street corners? You know, The Garden State! Where did it go?

Because now it’s become a terrifying cornucopia of weather phenomena and disaster! What ever happened to the old New Jersey we New Jersians had come to know and love? The New Jersey where nothing exciting ever happened? The New Jersey that people from the north, south and western states only came to so they could drive to New Jersey’s eastern edge… and jump off!…into the ocean?!

We used to have seasons here in Jersey. Now we ride a weather roller coaster like the one we were on last Tuesday: 60 degrees and sunny, then dark ominous clouds riding in on the Southern Central Freight… a tornado! with rain, hail and snow…followed by sunny skies and temps below freezing!

Sometimes a hurricane will just decide to do an unannounced drive by. They used to visit every 25 years or so. And thunderstorms? Now we have thunder days with sideways lightning! In the winter! Or what used to be winter. Now it’s more like Wintummerspralling. In 2018  the Delaware Bay froze in January, the all-time monthly record for the warmest minimum temperature was set in August, followed by the wettest fall in 70 years and we even had a meteotsunami that May!(don’t even ask)!

Who knows what going to happen next?

Even the weather service doesn’t know what’s going on. They called this week’s tornado an “Incredible wind event”…just a few more feet into the ocean and we could have has a Sharkdado! but I’m sure that would have been called and incredible shark flying event…with wind!

No one seems to know what’s going on but we now have sometimes snow-less winters, all year round bugs and jellyfish, leaves that fall at Christmastime, flowers that bloom in February… and wineries! There’s no wining in Jersey! Who ever said, “Hey, lets go to Joisey and taste some wines. And fughettabout the pizza and the pork roll. Have the flatbread…and get the avocados?”

What the frig???

There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.


I’m still here! Wherever this is?!?!

Joisey? Oh, you ain’t gonna see him no more.


New Jersey: Most Millionaires! Most Stressed?

5 Feb

Image result for rich and poor

Here’s something interesting… According to Phoenix Marketing International, New Jersey now has more rich people percentage-wise than anybody after nudging out the State of Maryland in 2018 as the state with the most per capita millionaires.

New Jersey now has 293,992 millionaire households, for a ratio of just about 1 in 11 NJ households with a net worth of over 1 million dollars. Jersey was ranked second in 2017, when it had only 258,988 millionaire households, so that’s a 13% increase over last year. And you thought Snookie was just a dumb Jersey Girl.

The report found that nationwide 7.7 million U.S. households had more than 1 million dollars in assets, which is an increase of more than 2 million households since the financial crisis of 2008.

So how is your household doing? I know that my household has not recouped our loses from the 2008 financial disaster nor have many of my NJ neighbors who have since moved away after losing their homes because of their mortgages going underwater…and later drowning as a result. Remember when that happened?

But for at least 2 million NJ families, after dozens of major companies failed and America landed in one of the worst recessions in its history, one family’s crisis was another family’s fortune…I guess?

Because according to Wellness.com and a recent in-depth study by real estate blog Movoto. which ranked states based on unemployment rates, population density, how many held health insurance, total cost of living, and how many hours people worked per week to “survive”, New Jersey was ranked the 3rd most “stressed” state in the nation!

Go figure! New Jersey has the most wealthy and the third most financially stressed residents in the nation! It’s now the Have Most and the Have Not State! Hmmmmmm…so does this mean that as the rich get richer the poor really do get poorer? Gee who would have thunk it?!

At least the economy is doing great whether you are or not…So, Hey New Jersians! Are you working hard or hardly working? And here in the 21st Century does that necessarily mean what we think it means?




Who Am I?!

27 May

This month I have to renew my New Jersey Driver’s License. 4 years ago, for the first time in my life (I’m 61) I needed to show 6 points of identification to prove my identity (which includes Birth Certificate, Social Security card, Voter Registration card, Utility Bills, Tax bills and my old Drivers License) and then have my picture taken so there would be no mistake that from that point on I was who I said I was. This was all done in 2011 as part of all of the states compliance with Homeland Security rules and regulations.

Here is the copy as it appears on the Homeland Security News Wire explaining just how sophisticated the new NJ driver’s licenses are.

In compliance with Secure ID, the federal law that mandates that states create more stringent identification cards, New Jersey has unveiled a sophisticated new driver’s license; according to New Jersey officials, the new Enhanced Digital Driver’s License puts New Jersey among the ten states with the most secure identity cards; to prevent counterfeiting, security features include an embedded pattern on the license, one and two dimensional bar codes, and “purposeful errors” like misspellings; to implement these new licenses, the state’s MVCs have had to undergo a $19 million upgrade to install new computer systems, hardware, and software.

Notice how NJ had to spend 19 million dollars to upgrade their software etc. But the new licenses had photos and embeds and bar codes to make them super secure and fraud preventive. So whenever I go to purchase my Claritin-D  all the pharmacist has to do is look at my face and compare it to the face on my license, then scan the back of my license which inputs everything there is to know about me into their pharmacy computers where then even the Federal government will be notified and able to track my pseudoephedrine purchases to make sure I’m just into allergies and not into crystal meth!

Anyway, my license is now expiring and I have to have it renewed…in person…at the NJ Motor vehicles office…And I have to bring my 6 points of ID with me, just like I did in 2012…to prove who I am!…Again!

Why can’t they just look at my face and then look at my Super Secure Homeland Security Specific NJ drivers license… with my face on it, and then scan the super secure embedded bar code on the back and say “Hey it’s You! Congratulations! Go home and have a nice day!”

Why do I have to go through the entire 6 point, prove who I am, like nobody but me knows, like you can’t see the face I’m wearing, that matches the drivers license I have, that I couldn’t have gotten, unless I had proven who I was, 4 years ago, so I could get the license that I’m holding in my hand now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently My NJ Drivers License proves who I am to everyone except the NJ Motor Vehicles Department! And they gave it to me in the first place when I proved to them who I was! These guys are worse than my bankers. Who also pretend to NOT know who I am whenever I go there to get some of my own money, that I could only put there by proving who I was!

So off I go tomorrow to hopefully once again prove who I am to bureaucrats with a short term memory offering the promise of a long term ID card that they can’t ever make good on.

I’ve got IDs up the wazoo and still nobody knows the me I really am! Do I? Does anyone?

All I can say is… Thanks a lot Alzheimer bin-Laden!


Twelve Years A-Float…

9 Jul

I have 12 years to live!

At least to live above the poverty line…

That is If I do in fact live that long…

Because by age 72, according to our most corpulent governor, Chris Christie the 1st, my pension fund will be empty. He practically guarantees it! Our Beefy Boss says that any system where a person pays in 95,000 dollars and takes out 2.3 million dollars is destined to fail…that would of course be a system where Methuselah represented every pensioner because I would have to live to be about 969 to get paid 2.3 million dollars in retirement.

That’s an exaggeration on my part of course (by about 700 years) but then again so is everything that comes out of the Governor’s mouth, rather like so many of his farts, which I have no doubt represent more of the truth about our Over-sized Overseer than anything that he has to say.

When Mr. Christie was elected governor of New Jersey in 2009, he assured the state’s police officers and firefighters that, “Nothing will change for the pensions of current officers, future officers or retirees in a Christie administration. It is a sacred trust.” He told the state’s teachers the same thing…

But the intervening six years have shown just how little that “sacred trust” is worth to our Garden State Gargantuan, who signed legislation in 2011 raising public employees’ pension contributions and curbing their benefits. Employees were asked to make concessions which included raising the retirement age, suspending cost-of-living increases for retirees, and requiring workers to contribute more toward their pensions and health benefits, from 5.5 percent to 7.5 percent for teachers and 8.5 to 10 percent for Police and firemen with Judicial employees kicking in an additional 9 percent of their salary.

In return, our Most Magnanimous and Meaty Manager promised to make the state’s regular and contractual payments into the pension system, something that hadn’t been done by Governor Christie before (nor by most of his thieving governmental predecessors, I must add) However, this Head Honcho of Husk failed to deliver on those promises and those payments, which drove our pension system deeper into debt — a move that a judge later ruled to be unlawful.

But unlike previous Governors, Chris “Crispy Creme” Christie didn’t just stop payments but has also seen to it that the New Jersey pension system paid more than $600 million in fees to financial firms in 2014 — 50 percent more than the previous year, and at a higher rate than almost any other state reports paying for pension management. And he has had the pension money invested in high-fee firms whose executives made campaign contributions to Republican political groups…all the while telling New Jersey teachers, firefighters, cops and other public workers that “there are no alternatives” to cutting our retirement benefits because the state pension system is so strapped for cash.

Mr Christie’s overbite (excuse me, oversight)  of our pension system has gotten so bad that former Securities and Exchange Commission attorney Ted Siedle, who conducts forensic investigations of state and local pensions says that New Jersey is the “Poster Child for pension system shenanigans happening to pension systems all across the country.” Including shenanigans like: lack of transparency, skyrocketing risks and fees and chronic under performance…with shenanigans being the operative euphemism for…stealing!

And now of course our Weighty Chief of State is happy, no, practically giddy, if you watch him on the morning shows, to tell us and all of America that the NJ pension system will collapse and go broke in 12 years. Now everyone sit down and shut the ef up!

But On a lighter note:

Our Elephantine Executive paid for food and drinks at MetLife Stadium with a state debit card 58 times over the 2010 and 2011 NFL seasons, accruing a bill of 82,594 dollars. That’s an average of nearly $1,500 on food and drinks every time he attended a football game. If you follow the governor at all you know that Our Paragon of Plump is fond of saying that while serving in public office he wants to “squeeze the orange for everything he can get.”… Here I believe orange being his operative euphemism for electorate, while he means squeeze, as in…screw.

So go ahead America and vote for Chris Christie for president of the United States! I’m sure He’ll be more than happy to liquidate your Social Security checks in an all out effort to outdo the late great Roman Emperor, Nero, who was once said to have fiddled while Rome burned.

So Won’t it be great fun America, to watch New Jersey’s Rotunda of Rule… Fart while America goes Belly Up!

Dirty Little Secret in the Garden State?

11 Jun

Is the New Jersey cat out of the bag? Do we finally know where all of those missing bodies have gone? Is this the final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa…may he rest in pavement?

This is a photo of a sign that can be seen on a construction site along the Garden State Parkway here in my beloved state of New Jersey. For years it has been rumored that Southern Jersey was the veritable dumping ground for bodies that Northern Jersey had grown tired of… Have you seen the Sopranos?

Could it be that have we grown so jaded here in the 21st century that secrecy is no longer needed? Do our New Jersey skeletons no longer require closets? And has anyone told Governor Christie about this?! Because I’m not sure he watches, nor cares to watch, the channel 12 news.

Anyway, this sign reminds me of an old New Jersey advertising slogan…with a slightly newer twist…

“New Jersey and You: Buried together!”

They don’t call us the “Garden State” for nothin’…I suppose gardens do need their fertilizer as do parkways their fill.

And please drive safely…

A Big, Fat…Waist… of Time

4 Feb

How can we save money in Government expenditures? Fire the politicians! They obviously don’t have very much to do and if they ever do find something to do…they don’t do it anyway! Just check out this link to an article in the New York Times about the carousing and cavorting of our own New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie. He obviously finds extra time to squeeze in some snacking, noshing and grazing but When does he find time to squeeze in any effort to govern something? And at $175,000 per year in salary he is the 4th highest paid governor in the U.S….If this were you at your job you would have been fired long ago. Hopefully if our Girth-ful Governor does decide to run for the presidency the American people and the Republican Party will have enough sense to tell him (in his own favorite words) to “Shut Up and Sit down!”


New Jersey’s Big Fat Investigation

28 Mar

The verdict is in!

New Jersey has just spent 1 million tax payer dollars for a complete investigation of our Governor’s possible involvement in the closing of 3 lanes of the George Washington Bridge and the creation of a massive traffic jam, as payback for a Democratic mayor who did not support him.

And the Survey says: Governor Christie knew nothing!

That sure is comforting.

It’s always nice to know that your governor’s close personal friends and appointed aides are working hard for him and your state, without his direction nor his knowledge of what they are doing.

And who conducted this thorough and complete investigation?…for the tidy sum of 1 million dollars?

The governor’s close personal friends of course!

The law firm responsible for the investigation, Gibson, Dunn and Crutcher, has worked for the Christie administration previously. Debra Wong Yang, one of the top partners at the firm, is a friend of Governor Christie and, employees of the firm have previously donated money to Governor Christie’s campaign for statewide office…And three of the Governor’s aides, who were most integrally involved in the scandal, refused to be interviewed by the investigators…which is always nice to know.

They don’t do law in real life like they do it on TV do they? I sure hope the lunches were good.

But, I guess that when you are only paying 1 million dollars for an internal investigation you can’t expect the investigation to be very thorough. I mean really, how many billable hours can you expect from a top notch law firm when you are only paying them 1 million dollars??? Perhaps the Governor might want to look into cutting some of these wasteful, overpaid lawyers from the state budget just like he did with the wasteful, overpaid policemen, firemen and teachers a few years back.

Oh well, just more money down the New Jersey political drain. I wonder if any of that 1 million will find its way back to the Governor through campaign contributions from his favorite law firm. That’s probably very impolite of me to wonder and I’m sure the Governor wouldn’t know anything about that anyway since he’s going to be so busy running for the Presidency over the next 2 years, to pay much attention to the job that I do believe we tax payers are paying him to do…for us.

Wow! What a big, fat waste of time!

The investigation I mean.

New Jersey’s Big Fat Traffic Study

2 Feb


This is a paragraph taken from The Traffic Study Policies and Procedures of the City of Los Angeles, Dept. of Transportation:


“A traffic study may be required of a development project due to environmental law or to City regulations, and its purpose is to predict and analyze the circulation and congestion impacts of project-generated traffic, and identify feasible mitigation measures.”

You might have heard that here in New Jersey our Governor, Chris Christie, has been accused of purposely creating a major traffic jam at the George Washington Bridge in order to take revenge against the mayor of Fort Lee for not endorsing the Governor’s reelection bid this past November.

Governor Christie denies having any knowledge of the events that led to the traffic congestion and says that it was all the the fault of his aids and staff who were acting without his approval, “I had no knowledge of this — of the planning, the execution or anything about it.” said Sergeant Schultz…I mean the governor…”I was told and thought they were performing a traffic study.”

A TRAFFIC STUDY?! Forget about what Governor Christie knew or didn’t know. Why hasn’t anyone questioned him on what he and his cronies  think a traffic study involves because apparently they are all complete morons and incompetent public servants if they think and believe that a traffic study involves closing 3 lanes from NJ into the George Washington Bridge to see what happens? That’s a study? Really? Someone intelligent, important and/or competent at what they do really needs to observe and STUDY a colossal traffic jam in order to believe that it will happen? When you close down all of the traffic lanes? In New Jersey? Heading to the George Washington Bridge? At rush hour? Really? Seriously? This is the best excuse that you’ve got? And we believe you?!

His saying “I thought it was a traffic jam.” is simply NJ Goombah speak for “Of course I was doing it on purpose with full knowledge aforethought, duh! Now who’s the idiot for asking such an obvious and dumb question?”

It’s like saying, “Hey Tony! Don’t make me come over there and perform a colonoscopy on your ass!” when you’re not a proctologist!

Or, Hey youse! Hows about I come over to your place of business and interview you for that position in the concrete factory in front of all of your friends?” When you don’t own a concrete factory nor plan on conducting an actual job interview!

It’s like running down a rival gang with with your Land Rover and telling the police, “Hey like uh…I thought it was a traffic study!”

We had a bully in the school where I taught, who punched a kid in the hallway just because he didn’t like the kid’s looks which started a tremendous brawl that jammed the hallways and kept everyone from getting to class but later when we finally caught him, rather than own up to it, he told us in all seriousness and with all due respect that he was just conducting a hall traffic study. You know, to see what would happen …so of course we just let him go and spent the rest of the day debating  whether he was telling us the truth or not…

Yeah right! What were we idiots!? He was a wise ass just like most bullies are, but that doesn’t mean we have to believe them.

So now Governor Don Christie’s close personal aid who resigned and took the fall for said traffic jam has come forward to announce that the governor knew all along about the “traffic study” and the dirty trick they were going to play on the mayor and good people of Fort Lee. Of course he didn’t come forward personally but rather issued a statement through his lawyer…most probably because he wants to avoid that later interview at the concrete factory!

So, did our illustrious Governor, born and raised in and vowing never to leave, New Jersey…really know about the… uh…how should I say…said and aforementioned, uh… traffic study? (wink, wink)…before he said he knew about it?


Oh, And by the way, we have a nice bridge we’d like to sell you too.

A Big Fat Mistake

11 Jan

Bullying: The use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual…

And many times political…

Here in New Jersey we’ve had our own big bully running the state as Governor since 2009.

The trouble with bullies is that those who aren’t being bullied tend to just stand around and watch the bully do his thing rather than intercede and come to the aid of his poor victim. Perhaps it’s because we don’t want to direct his attention towards us and become his next victim or perhaps we just don’t care about who is being bullied. We may sympathize, but mostly we’re thinking, “Thank god it isn’t me.”

Then we just move along and try to stay out of his, or sometimes her, way. Why people don’t intercede immediately and en masse, to stop the bully’s bullying is a question for the ages… but usually it requires the bully’s eventual bullying of the wrong person or group or the result of his bullying being simply too egregious for the majority of onlookers to let pass.

In New Jersey, not too many folks were upset when the Governor bullied the teachers and their unions or the firefighters and police and their unions, by cutting their pensions and benefits. After all in America, who likes unions these days? Even though we are all part of what is known as the United States. Go figure. But I digress…

When he cut the budgets of family planning groups or public libraries or aid to women’s clinics or refused to return $66 million in energy tax revenue to cities, and vetoed a proposal to bolster tax credits for the working poor after slashing them in 2010, all the while using that money to help bulk up the state’s cash reserves to $648 million while proposing cuts in taxes for his wealthy friends, nobody seemed to pay much attention.

Medical services for the elderly were cut, along with child care services and opportunity grants. Nursing home and legal services were next in line, but these were fringe expenses during hard budgetary times.. so what could anyone do?

And when New Jersey’s governor cut $1 billion from public education while handing out $2.1 billion in corporate tax breaks to his favorite charity (Corporations…they are people now, you know), more than in the entire previous decade of New Jersey tax breaks, what could we say? We elected him.

But finally our big bully has picked on the wrong set of New Jersey constituents. It seems that He may finally have gone too far and hit that one last nerve that ALL New Jerseyans can feel and sympathize with.

Traffic! He stopped traffic! In New Jersey! On purpose!

In the land of, “Hey you live in Jersey?… what exit?”

He willfully and with malice aforethought, stopped the cars! Rich cars, poor cars, everybody’s cars!

And just to get back at a Democratic mayor who, during an election year, dared to say that he didn’t agree with the self proclaimed bi-partisan Republican governor!

Governor Christie closed the roads just because he wanted to say, “Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah Nyah!” to Fort Lee’s mayor.

What kind of a reason is that to stop New Jersey’s most cherished citizens: Our beloved vehicles and the road raging voters who drive them?!

Now that’s what I call a bully taking a bridge too far! (pun intended)


Fifteen months after Superstorm Sandy pounded New Jersey, the state has distributed nearly half the $1.8 billion in initial funding it received from the federal government, the state’s community affairs commissioner told lawmakers Wednesday.

At a state Assembly hearing, Community Affairs Commissioner Richard Constable said the state has awarded nearly $900 million in post-Sandy aid. New Jersey will soon get another payout of $1.4 billion in aid.

– See more at: http://www.northjersey.com/news/NJ_has_distributed_half_of_18B_in_Sandy_aid_.html?page=all#sthash.8ahtGZ0V.dpuf

Fifteen months after Superstorm Sandy pounded New Jersey, the state has distributed nearly half the $1.8 billion in initial funding it received from the federal government, the state’s community affairs commissioner told lawmakers Wednesday.

At a state Assembly hearing, Community Affairs Commissioner Richard Constable said the state has awarded nearly $900 million in post-Sandy aid. New Jersey will soon get another payout of $1.4 billion in aid.

– See more at: http://www.northjersey.com/news/NJ_has_distributed_half_of_18B_in_Sandy_aid_.html?page=all#sthash.8ahtGZ0V.dpuf

Where’s a Good Rapture When You Need One?

10 Oct

It’s almost time for New Jersey’s big fat state election, coming this Wednesday October 16th!

Yes, I know…a major United States Senate election… on a Wednesday… in October is unheard of. It’s never been done before but can now be proudly counted as another New Jersey first!…to go along with the pork roll sandwich, Snookie and fuhgettaboutit. It was our very own governor’s idea and is costing the state only about 12 and a half million dollars to hold 20 days before…now what was that called? Oh yeah…ELECTION DAY!

Some say our governor shouldn’t be held accountable for recklessly making such a fiscally irresponsible decision because he was most likely in a diabetic haze when he made it , while many Democrats believe he did it just so he wouldn’t have to face popular Newark mayor Corey Booker on the same ballot in November (Even though they aren’t even running for the same political office) However most state Republicans simply say, ” It’s only 12 and a half million dollars being wasted, Fuhgettaboutit!”

Which brings me to my next point. Our New Jersey Senate race is between Democratic Newark mayor Cory Booker and Republican and former Bogota mayor Steve Lonegan. Mr Lonegan is a Tea Party supporter and as such is in favor of the current government shutdown.

He is also opposed to legal abortion, against gay marriage, and in support of a rollback in all environmental regulations. And when in their last debate it came to a discussion of the Delaware River and the potential impact that natural gas fracking, if allowed, may have on this most precious of New Jersey’s natural resources he said to Mayor Booker, “You may not be able to swim in that river, but it’s probably, I think, because of all the bodies floating around from shooting victims in your city,” …he also proved that manners and people were not high on the list of things that Tea Party members are in favor of.

Which begs asking the question: What exactly is the Tea Party in favor of? And do we really need more of their members in our government?

We know what they are against. The Tea in Tea Party is supposed to stand for. “Taxed Enough Already”.

So they are against taxes. And we know they don’t like government…they’d like to see it “drowned in a bathtub.”

They don’t like nor do they believe in science…they believe the Earth is a little more than 5,000 years old and not in any climate danger at all and they believe that more fossil fuels need to be found…and burned.

They are against healthcare for all citizens unless they can pay for it themselves in the “free market”…no matter how much the bad government subsidizes insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies and healthcare device manufacturers within that “free market.”

They are against food stamps and welfare programs that help children, the aged and others in need.

In fact they are against a lot of things.

But what are they for?

It seems to me that they are for whatever it is that they believe in whether they are in the majority or not and whether or not the majority of American citizens agree with them…

Because I assume…they know what’s best…Because they are good Christians who believe in a good Christian god…Because unlike you and me, they were brought up properly and were taught the proper things to believe in…so there!

And they appear to be against rules too! Because rules are for wrong people…not right people. Right?

So can we please have the Rapture now?

Can they please just disappear and get their wish and go to heaven where they really belong?

And when they get there and meet with God and discover that there may be people in heaven that they don’t like, they can hold heaven hostage until God agrees to let them in on deciding who gets into heaven and who doesn’t…

Because after all, who does God think she is anyway?

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