Tag Archives: television

He’s Just a Caveman

10 Jun

Image result for phil hartman caveman lawyer

The United States of America, as both a country and a T.V. show, has without a doubt “jumped the shark”!

Back in the early 1990’s the late Phil Hartman of Saturday Night Live fame would often play the character of the “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer”. In his sketches featuring this character he would play a Neanderthal who, after being discovered in a glacier and then unfrozen, became a defense and personal injury lawyer and eventually a politician running for the Senate on the platform of eliminating the capital gains tax.

He was portrayed as a “selfish, well-dressed attorney who repeatedly would employ simple folk wisdom  to win his cases.” He also enjoyed significant wealth, driving luxury cars and owning a home on Martha’s Vineyard. But whenever he made a mistake or committed a faux pas or said something crude or rude or out of line he would excuse himself and carry the day with his jury by uttering the line, ” But I’m just a caveman who is not familiar with the ways of the world.”

It struck me this week that our president is a lot like that, or at least that is how his fellow Republicans have decided to excuse his constant rude, crude and boorish behavior.

Whether our President lies or contradicts himself or shoves a fellow statesman out of the way, or insults this diplomat or that public servant, decries the American judicial system, mocks the handicapped, insults women, issues false accusations, tweets inarticulate and incoherent statements, exalts foreign dictators while demeaning friendly heads of state… and on and on and on… the fall back position for his indelicate conduct has become:

“He just doesn’t know how to be a politician. He’s a simple American learning on the job and trying to do the best he can for the American people.” (Like all you American simpleton’s out there?)

So don’t worry America. Our President… despite being a 70 year old billionaire who was able to build a real estate empire, run a presidential campaign and win the United States Presidency… is just a common man, unfamiliar with the ways of the modern world, justice and common human decency, who is going to learn how to be a better person and president while on the job.

And I’m a monkey’s Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!

Will America Jump the Shark in 2016

2 Sep

With Donald Trump atop the polls in the Republican presidential race so far, it makes one wonder (at least me) if America is about ready to “jump the shark” which is entertainment parlance used to describe “the moment in the evolution of a television show when it begins a decline in quality, signaled by a particular scene, episode, or aspect of a show in which the writers use some type of gimmick in an attempt to keep viewers’ interest.”

With all of the craziness going on in the United States these days with the endless wars on terror, poverty and drugs and the seemingly endless shooting wars in the Middle East along with the declaration of money as speech and corporations as people, and with bank for-closings and banking shenanigans and “too big to fail” and the stock market rising and failing like a roller coaster every few years…and on and on and on…

Have we Americans run out of ideas? Is our quality waning? Are we just too tired to keep on keeping on and suddenly willing to say, “Ah what the heck. Let’s do it. Let’s give ‘the Donald’ a try and see what he can do?!”

And why not? We do love entertainment. We are the TV generation or all descendants thereof. We do love a good show… and this is sure shaping up to be one hell of a reality show…and what better host than Donald Trump himself?

It’s almost too good to pass up isn’t it? 4 years of…the greatest country in the world putting on the greatest show on earth? I don’t know if we Americans can pass up such an opportunity to entertain, astound and scare the crap out of the world…or will cooler and more intelligent minds prevail?

What do you think? In any event, I’m pretty sure we’re all going to at least stay tuned…

Just When You Thought We Couldn’t Get Any Dumber…or…Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

21 Nov

In just one year, the percentage of Americans who don’t believe in climate change has actually gone up 7%! Now almost 1 in 4 Americans thinks that climate change is just a big hoax… even though over 97% of all scientists who have written about global warming and its causes agree that its human caused.  And The other 3% don’t deny it, they simply haven’t stated their position as to its cause one way or the other.

So 23% of Americans (laymen) still don’t believe in climate change despite what facts and statements scientists (the experts) show and tell them… But if you’ve ever been a teacher you know that this is nothing new and why testing is a big waste of time. If all of these scientists, who completely agree on the facts, were teachers in today’s public schools, they would be facing pay cuts and possible unemployment because their students (in this case 23% of the public) just don’t listen to them and/or believe in what they have to say…no matter how hard they try…and as a result wouldn’t be able to pass a test on the facts…leaving a passing rate of 77% …or in public school terminology…total failure!

So do we need better trained scientists? Higher science standards? Free market Charter science academies? More rigor in our de ri·gueur?… In order to get more people to learn and accept the truth? Research (the polls) have shown that if you’re one of the 23% who does not believe in global warming then you’re not very likely to change your mind no matter what evidence you are confronted with, or how many times you are polled…It still gets cold in the winter and hot in the summer and that’s about all of the science and data on climate change you need to know.

Hey teachers! Does this ring any bells?

A 2012 poll from the Pew Research Center found that even though 97% of all scientists agree that humans are causing the spike in global warming, less than half of all Americans thought scientists agreed so completely. And why do So many Americans think that the scientists are still split about what’s causing all of this warming?

Well, The media has assisted in this public misconception, because most of their climate stories are always “balanced” with a “skeptic” perspective making those few scientists who might be in disagreement seem like half! So by trying to balance their stories by showing both sides of the debate (even though there is really only one side and no debate at all) the media has actually created a completely unbalanced perception of reality. As a result, people believe scientists are still split about what’s causing global warming.

So why can’t people learn? Duh…it’s the television! That damn stupid TV!

But then again, any teacher (let alone scientist) could have told you that!

Moral of the story? Take a day when you can and just Call in sick and go to the beach, cause this old world is still gonna blow a gasket…whether you or those other 23% believe in the facts or not…(which of course you won’t)

And that’s the fact Jack!

Are You Still Alive?

20 Nov

Well, you shouldn’t be…at least according to Fox news. We should all be either dead or infected with the Ebola virus, and on death’s door by now. But Fox News is staying on top of the story…There is even an Ebola Outbreak map (http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014-ebola-outbreak-map) where you can go to follow the death and destruction as it happens live! (or dead… depending on your perspective) I kid you not.

So far the score is Africa 14,475: The United States 5….at least last time I checked.

You can also go here (http://www.foxnews.com/live-coverage/tracking-ebola)…if you want to actually follow the plague live, in color and up to the minute… and see how you and your friends… and Fox are doing.

Fox is also staying on top of the possibility of whether terrorists could use Ebola to deliberately infect and wreak psychological havoc on our unsuspecting population. After all…”all you need is a bag of vomit.”

And now Fox’s medical experts want to know why the President and his Ebola czar aren’t saying more about this epidemic (Is it another conspiracy?)…and why aren’t we doing more to help Africa??? And our volunteers who are there? Is that the same Africa that Fox News wanted quarantined and wanted volunteers who went in there…to stay there?

Remember when shouting “Fire” in a crowded theater was against the law…and NOT freedom of speech?

In the meantime, if you want to remain reasonably healthy in America this Fall, go get a Flu shot…and go for a walk instead of watching TV…just don’t go walking in Missouri if you are a brown person…

Goodnight and Good Luck…

16 Oct

Well, I honestly don’t know where to begin…The television set is positively aglow with the Ebola virus: the wheres, the hows and the whyfors. It’s here. It’s on the move. Is it an epidemic? A pandemic? Can it be stopped? who’s to blame? How can we stop it? Can it be stopped?… And of course don’t forget to check out your favorite networks’ new fall lineups! Let’s not get too crazy, I guess.

Over at MSNBC there seems to be genuine concern over the growing crisis and their guests seem to be pointing fingers at the fact that it’s a very big world out there filled with lots of people on the go, which makes it quite difficult to keep them from going where they want to. And there’s the question of our country’s lack of investment and interest in our nation’s infrastructure over the last 2 decades or so. Even though corporations are still making billions of dollars and especially so in the healthcare industries, not a lot of that money is trickling down to the first response workers when it comes to equipment, training and proper regulations and protocols…perhaps you have even felt or experienced this trend as a worker in your place of business, wherever and whatever that may be. It seems that Money has a habit of rising to the top and then staying there these days.

But over at Fox News there was nothing but non-stop hysteria. We’re doomed! Hide under the bed and change your paper money into gold and silver and lock it in your safe! (seriously, it was one of their commercials) And Fox’s experts (All Fox employees) know exactly who is to blame. And it took only a few minutes to impart all of this info to me as I surfed by their channel… Fox News is like a lighthouse beacon that shines one bright light around and around and around all day so you can’t miss the message…

Anyway, it is all President Obama’s fault because he is an African and not an American and has personally seen to it to allow the first Ebola case to enter the USA. He chose Texas because they didn’t vote for him in the last election. He is not closing the borders and isolating Africa into quarantine because he and his henchmen (damn Democrats) mean to kill us all. This is why me must all vote for Republicans in the upcoming election so that they can stop him before he is allowed to complete his dastardly plan. (Even though they pretty much intimated that it was too late to save any of us…but just in case vote Republican)

Finally Bill O’ Reilly and resident Fox comedian, (er…expert comedian) Dennis Miller summed it all up with a few jokes and laughs about how sad things have gotten in America and even though it’s too late to do anything about it and we’re all gonna die, they wanted us to know that later this month they’ll be appearing together in South Carolina where I guess their comedy routine will be appearing on the road…no doubt they’ll be making lots of money and converting it to gold for their post apocalyptic shopping spree.

I just sincerely hope that somewhere in America tonight there are still serious people doing serious work, who are non-partisan, earnest and industrious and seriously interested in doing their jobs because it is the right thing to do and not because there’s a bucket of money or a re-election campaign to win.

Of course there is. There has to be, right? We haven’t jumped that shark yet…have we?

Goodnight and good luck…

Think About… What You Think About

8 Jan

Here is something very interesting to consider for the new year.

The Program on International Policy Attitudes (PIPA for short) managed at the University of Maryland found in a survey of American voters that Fox News viewers are significantly more misinformed than those who get their news from other sources.

Simply put, the more one watches Fox News as their primary source for information about what’s going on in the world…

THE LESS ONE WILL KNOW ABOUT WHAT”S GOING ON IN THE WORLD!

I live in New Jersey where a Farliegh Dickinson University Public Mind Poll examined New Jerseyans and how their television news watching affected their overall knowledge of what’s going on in the world. What they found was that those who watched Fox News as their primary news source were less informed about the world than those who…

didn’t watch any news at all!

Holy crap!

And these are not the only public surveys or studies to reach this conclusion. Several others have found that the more you watch FOX the less you will know. And don’t take my word for it. Please look it up, Google it, or check it out for yourself. Which is my entire point. Don’t just believe everything you see and hear on TV, especially if you love to watch Fox News.

Check your sources. Use multiple sources. See what others are saying. Engage in a true dialogue with friends and relatives. READ! Ask questions and expand your information base. Stop watching TV if you have to… but please, please, please make it a New Year’s Resolution for 2014 to start really thinking about…

what you think about…

And what you think you know.

 

The Everyday World Is Seriously… Getting More Expensive Every Day

27 Oct
It’s time for the Fall Classic…as in the Major League Baseball World Series… and along with it has come a new financial ranking of Major League Baseball teams by Bloomberg.com. and according to their recently released data there are now 10 major league baseball teams that are worth over 1 billion dollars! The New York Yankees (who else?) are first with a net worth of 3.3 billion followed by the Los Angeles Dodgers, Boston Red Sox, and New York Mets all at 2.1 billion and then the Chicago Cubs rounding out the top five with 1.3 billion dollars of net worth.
 
What I found most interesting however, was that only 2 of these super wealthy teams made the playoffs this year (Boston and LA) with the New York Yankees falling just short and suffering a dismal season, but 2 of the 5, The Mets and Cubs were downright dreadful! In fact the Mets and the Cubs didn’t even bother to put much of a baseball product on their respective fields and really haven’t offered much in the way of baseball quality for several years now. The Cubs haven’t been to the World Series in over 75 years! But really, why should they bother? And the Yankees are considering not upgrading their team this off season but rather cutting payroll to get below the MLB luxury tax threshold.
 
And why not, because According to Bloomberg’s editors, sports are no longer just about ticket and concession sales, and how the game is played. Today it’s more about regional sports networks and cable television and putting your team brand out there where it can sell, sell, sell! But I suppose any junior, pee-wee, midget, little league coach and parent knows that by now too. “Come on kids. Let’s get out there and sell, sell, sell those boosters…then we’ll play!”
 
40 years ago George Steinbrenner bought the New York Yankees for 10 million dollars and today they are worth 3.3 billion! Not because he went out and bought the best players but because he created the YES Network – the most profitable regional cable channel in the U.S.A. That’s why the Yankees are far and away the most valuable franchise in the league. The money, say the experts, is in the cable, as in cable TV…because consumers now pay to stay!… at home and watch that is.

Watching sports has become America’s favorite pastime…not playing sports, unfortunately, which would go a long way towards solving our country’s obesity problem…but rather just watching (sigh). And we love to watch. So much so that even the Mets and Cubs in all their futility are still…and apparently…immensely watchable…go figure.

Why, We Americans love to watch sports so much more than we love playing them that baseball isn’t even the most lucrative sport that we have to watch. It’s football! While only ten of the 30 major league baseball franchises are worth 1 billion dollars or more All of the 32 NFL football teams are worth over 1 billion dollars!

in fact, 1 prime time televised football game costs the network that televises it…120 million dollars… just to televise! That’s as much money as movie studios will pay to produce 1 pretty big studio movie! So the money…is in…the television. Who knew?

Once upon a time television came freely into our homes over America’s airwaves. All you had to buy was the television set. Now your TV set receives absolutely nothing unless you hook another technological contraption up to it… and that connects to a cable…and that is what you have to pay for if you want to watch your TV.

You’ve got to hand it to the media moguls though. Owners used to have to blackout home games so we would have to get up, leave our homes and go to the ballparks where we would then pay to watch them play in person… but at least that got us out of the house. Now whether we realize it or not…we pay (and not just a little but a lot more) to stay at home.

and that I guess, is why they call it “smart” TV…as in the TV is smart…not you and me.

 

 

 

 

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