Tag Archives: taxes

Have I Seen Everything Now?

19 Jun

Image result for gas station deli and grill

The other day I was driving along and passed the Exxon Deli and Grill!…As in the Exxon gas station has a deli and grill attached to it now. Whatever happened to repair shops being attached to gas stations? Now they’re making me a sandwich while pumping my gas?

So if I go in there and ask for a sandwich made just the way I like it, and they ask me what kind of oil I’d like on it, do I ask for 30 weight or 40? And does it matter if I’m buying my sandwich in the Winter or Spring?

What’s on the grill? Alaskan Duck marinated in Exxon Valdez oil spill?

Oh well, at least now I know what the oil companies are doing with my Trump Tax Break. Now that they’ve raised their gas prices all of my tax savings are going straight into their wallets!

So “Fillerup!” And make my grilled salmon to go… with an extra helping of fumes!”

Of course it’s to go. I’m at a freakin’ gas station for cryin’ out loud!!!

 

It’s Official!

15 Feb

#EndorseThis: Jimmy Kimmel Discovers Hair-Raising Truth About Trump’s Wind

Now if only the wind would blow the President’s tax returns to a place where we could see them! I for one would like to know what kind of a tax break he is getting in his weekly earnings and if/or he pays any taxes at all. The answer my friends is still blowing in the wind.

At least we know why our president can’t start his day until 11AM. He’s doing his hair and makeup…and we were worried about electing a woman to the presidency!

Anyway, I know it’s not that important but in today’s world of politics…er…entertainment this is a big story… but I guess that’s life…hair today…

gone tomorrow.

 

It’s Good To Be the King!

24 Dec

Image result for President Trump signing tax bill

Remember when President Trump talked about his tax-reform plan, which he said would benefit the middle class at the expense of wealthy Americans like himself? And when he said: “They can call me all they want. It’s not going to help,” (he said of his rich friends). “And it’s not good for me, believe me.” (Did you believe him?)

Well President Trump is spending the Christmas holiday with his family in Florida this year (each trip there costs “we the people” 21 million tax dollars) and according to CBS News (all fake because they work for the Democrats and Hillary who actually rules the world) he told friends at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, just hours after he got there that: “You all just got a lot richer.”

Proponents of the bill celebrate it as relief for the middle class that also provides a tax cut based spending stimulus for large corporations… to the tune of 1.4 trillion dollars, which for all intents and purposes will be going to key donors and lobbyists, the richest members of Congress, President Trump, his family and other families like his. (but of course we don’t know for sure how much President Trump will get because our president won’t show us his taxes)

But we can all rejoice in the fact that our share should result in somewhere between 1,000 and 2,000 dollars next year of tax relief, depending on the size of our paycheck today of course. That should amount to anywhere between 19 and 38 dollars a paycheck (or 38 and 76 dollars if you are paid bi-monthly) That’s 30 gallons of gas each month! (nothing to sneeze at, right?)

At that rate your tax breaks could save you enough money to take you by car from Maine to Mar-a-Lago in 2.12 months (of saving your tax breaks)…but if you wanted to go there in style like the POTUS does (at least bi-monthly, and for 21 mill a vacay) then you’ll have to save your tax breaks for 127,000 months or about 10,500 years! (That’s if your getting the BIG middle class tax break)

In conclusion?: It’s good to be the King isn’t it? (and I suspect it always has been)

What Do We Know?

3 Nov

Image result for survey of new tax plan

Tax cuts are coming! Huzzah! But so far no one knows how much or when and recent surveys of taxpayers have shown that most American tax payers have no idea how much money they actually pay in federal taxes each year nor what percentage of their earnings their taxes equal. Do you? Does President Trump? We suspect he does but he is not telling us anyway.

However the President’s advisers have been arguing that he does not need to reduce federal spending while he cuts taxes in order to make ends meet. Just like you wouldn’t have to cut your home expenses if you lost your job or were forced to take a pay cut because, you know reduced income will stimulate your home economy just like reduced tax revenue will stimulate the US economy.

But according to a new survey conducted at the University of Chicago, Eighty-four percent of all economic experts polled disagreed that Trump’s tax cuts would pay for themselves through increased economic growth. Mostly because it’s never worked before…ever.

Still that is the plan, although it has yet to be finalized by the president and Congress… and most Americans polled believe that they will get screwed and end up paying more in taxes unless they are rich and/or a corporation. I wonder why that is? Could it be that when Asked whether tax cuts since 1980 have ever paid for themselves, no economists argued that they had?

So will it work this time? We will just have to wait and see. The average American’s wages and income have not increased in real dollars (as in kept up with inflation) in over 40 years but maybe, just maybe, this will be the year. They say that the president himself will be looking at a 31 million dollar tax savings just for himself but then again no one really knows how much if any taxes the President now pays (but that’s only because he won’t tell us).

But we do know that the average corporation in the new tax plan will receive a massive cut in their tax rate from 35% to 20%! Will you and I see a 15% reduction in our tax rate? Probably not, but don’t despair because after all, here in America, corporations are people too! and they also have to make ends meet… just like you… Huzzah!

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Party Time!

5 May

Image result for Congress celebrating healthcare repeal with beer

Congress has repealed the Affordable Care Act (ACA) and replaced it with the American Health Care Act (AHCA). All they had to do was take the word affordable out! It was just that easy and also very American. Now let’s all party at the President’s Palace! (formerly known as the White House) There are free buses to and from and beer and selfies!…But sadly you and I were not invited.

Anyway, experts agree that the changes in America’s Healthcare will mean cheaper prices and more healthcare for the young and the wealthy and more expensive prices for the poor and elderly. Huzzah! This is just as it should be!

If you want something you have to pay for it. This is called Capitalism… and if you want something and don’t have the money to pay for it then you don’t get it. It is a very simple and straight forward system. Tried and true.

So naturally our new Healthcare system favors those who can pay over those who can’t because if you want something that you can’t pay for and then cry about it, you are a Socialist and Socialists can go screw and have babies! And a lot of good that will do them because their babies won’t get healthcare either. So rest easy… In case you were worried.

But look at the bright side. If you are elderly then you are close to dying anyway so isn’t spending money on healthcare a waste of money? And if you are poor then what do you have to live for? (especially in one of the most expensive countries on Earth) so wouldn’t spending money on your health be counter productive? And if you are poor and elderly well then… do the words “cost effective” mean nothing to you?

Besides, the United States is number 1 in child poverty (Among industrial nations) and number 1 in the amount of money we spend (Don’t) on helping the poor. (As in LAST)…in case you were worried again. So when it comes to Entitlements this new Healthcare Act is not one of them! Huzzah again!

Because Freedom is Expensive, not Free! It’s expensive when you are born. Expensive when you are alive and expensive when you die. And if we are doing it right it gets more and more expensive as you go along. That’s called business.

And oh yeah, the new bill eliminates The ACA’s employer mandate, which required large employers to offer affordable coverage to their workers. If the bill becomes law, companies that do not wish to cover their workers will face no penalty. It frees all large employers of the complex reporting necessary to enforce the provision and It also pushes back enactment of a tax on high-cost employer health plans.

So take your excess money (if you have any) and put it in your new Healthcare bank account (tax free) and tell the bank to invest it in Healthcare (not yours silly…the business) and Pharmaceuticals and medical devices and even tanning beds! Those businesses are about to go through the roof! If you’re lucky You’ll be able to cash in on the death and dying of others so that you can afford your own future demise.

And if we can get the banks to bundle these healthcare accounts into derivatives and then sell them back and forth to each other until the whole system collapses under its own weight and from sheer greed, then the feds will have to step in and bail out the entire convoluted establishment and we all get rich…if we don’t get dead first!…which of course we most probably will.

Anyway, I digress. Just look at all of those happy, old, rich, white guys laughing and smiling and about to party like it’s 1776! And most of them haven’t even read the bill they’ve just passed (I kid you not) including the big guy in the middle who says that it’s a great, no, very great, piece of legislation.

But don’t despair yet. The American Senate still has to approve this bill and so far they say that they aren’t going to read it either…just disapprove it… and then make their own healthcare legislation. Why? Because the American Health Care Act is…wait for it…too generous!

So party hearty America!…Happier (if maybe not healthier) days may soon be here again…and If you’re an old, rich, white guy… did they ever really end?

 

 

 

 

Around America’s East Coast in 80 Days

12 Apr

Image result for President Trumps travel to Florida

In his first 80 days in the White House, President Trump’s six weekend trips to Mar-a-Lago, his private club in Florida, have cost around $21.6 million. That’s according to CNN, that fake news outlet. So can their numbers really be trusted? Probably because these are actual factual numbers that can be checked by anyone with access to a calculator, pencil and paper, abacus and normal working human brain.

Meanwhile our most recent President, Obama, spent close to $97 million on travel during his entire presidency! And that’s according to Judicial Watch, a conservative government watchdog. At President Trump’s current vacationing/golfing/spending pace he’ll spend around 777 million dollars (680 million dollars more than President Obama) if he lasts 8 years in the presidency.

That’s almost 1 billion dollars! Or 8 times the amount that President O. spent… which by the way, caused Republicans to go positively apoplectic. Now however, no one seems to care in the least that our President spends only half of his time at the White House and the other half vacationing in Florida…and at extra taxpayer expense.

Nor does anyone seem to care that our First Lady refuses to live in the White House also, preferring to live in NYC at a cost of millions more in tax payer dollars…not to mention the millions of additional dollars that the states of New York and Florida have to shell out in security costs for our itinerant first family.

Doesn’t anyone remember when Candidate Trump was an outspoken critic of President Obama’s travel and golfing excursions and when he said that he himself would be too busy working hard in the White House for America and Americans to be able to have any time for himself or for his friends and family let alone his favorite hobbies.

And now here he is keeping his promise to make America Great again by having America spend a fortune on infrastructure…his own, that is. Imagine that? Possibly 1 Billion tax payer dollars or more spent on an American President and his wife’s commute to and from home and work!

Thank goodness he’s not also taking a salary, huh? But then he’d have to pay taxes wouldn’t he? Kind of makes you want to hurry up and get your own tax return in by the April 15th deadline doesn’t it?

Dearth and Taxes

3 Feb

Here are the new taxes that President Obama has proposed in his new budget plan. Which one of these new taxes would be a big problem for you to pay or would hurt your children and family after you are dead?

-Raising the capital gains tax, paid by investors when they sell at a profit.

-Imposing a new tax on inheritances. So if you are a billionaire or own A family home or a stock portfolio that quadrupled in value to $1 million over the years and want to leave it to a child it could be subject to taxes on that gain, whether or not it’s sold.

-Cutting the corporate tax rate to 28 percent from 35 percent. The proposal would limit corporate tax deductions, and also tax overseas profits held abroad at a special lower rate (14 percent — if companies return them to U.S. shores)

-Levying a tax on large banks, designed to compensate for the advantage they gain in the market from being seen as “too big too fail.”

Naturally the Republican Congress is outraged over these tax proposals and will most definitely oppose them and make sure they never see the light of day because…“these new taxes would really make it hard on American families.”

I don’t know how hard these new taxes would affect your “corporate” family, but my “corporate” family should do just fine…wake me up when they start proposing taxes on debt!

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