Tag Archives: storms

Hey! This Isn’t Kansas…And Never Has Been!

13 Jun

Here we go again here on the East coast of the United States! It used to be that during a long hot summer day the sky would begin to darken, the wind would begin to blow, the trees would begin to sway, a flash of lightning would appear then thunder off in the distance and all would head for cover.

Then a thunderstorm would pass through, dumping rain on us all and after a short while the storm would pass and all would be right with the world again. Mostly they were kind of fun and enjoyable to watch or even be caught in as long as you could find a place of moderate shelter to stand under while the wind and rain moved through.

And they were always quite a refreshing respite to the heat of the day and they would always rear their ugly heads in the late afternoon or evening or perhaps late at night when one might be awakened to the flash and thunder of a passing storm…then in the morning the sun would be shining and you might wonder if perhaps that storm were only a dream.

Now?! These storms are being treated by everyone as the second coming! And they have become so violent in their nature that one might expect an angry god to appear out of the sturm and drang to actually take retribution on us all…and I’m not kidding!

And they come complete with warnings hours in advance…we never had warnings before…there were no warnings in thunderstorms! And they arrive in the morning! What gives? It’s only 10Am and already the animals and myself have battened the hatches and are prepared to cower under the covers for the rest of the day…the rest of the day!?!

Who ever heard of a thunderstorm that lasts an entire day? And this one is supposed to bring giant hail…GIANT HAIL?! And tornado like winds…Isn’t that a tornado?! And don’t I live in New Jersey?!

Would someone please tell these storms that they are not in Kansas any more?!

What have we done to the planet Earth to deserve this? Is this happening where you live… Or are storms still pretty much storms where you are? Please let me know because either we have completely screwed up the entire planet…and the planet isn’t happy…or New Jersey has finally gotten its comeuppance for all of the crazy stuff that you no doubt have heard that all of we crazy New Jersians do!

Whatever happened to storms? You know, the kind the dictionary describes like this: a disturbance of the atmosphere marked by wind and usually by rain, snow, hail, sleet, or (not all!) thunder and lightning…

Stop Already!

6 Mar

Winter Storm Saturn Brings Heavier, Wetter ‘Heart Attack Snow

This was a headline that popped up when I googled “Winter Storm Saturn” and well, here I go again…

Hurricane Sandy, whose name I have argued against for just being too damned cute for a devastating storm, was certainly a storm for the ages and it did cause a tremendous amount of damage and grief that some people here at the shore are still experiencing…and I certainly don’t want to make light of that suffering…

but we do not need to start the suffering before the suffering even begins, do we?

Heart attack snow?! I do understand the metaphor but please we need to get back to the good old days of “There’s a storm-a-comin’!” and leave it at that.

Does snow cause a heart attack? Can rain cause drowning? Will fog bring zombies? Does dark of night mean blindness?!

Here at the Jersey shore we are all still shell-shocked as a result of Hurricane Sandy.

And we really do not need to be frightened by any more self proclaimed meteorological experts, thank you very much. We get it. We know what a storm is.

storm  /stôrm/ Noun -A violent disturbance of the atmosphere with strong winds and usually rain, thunder, lightning, or snow.

Is there any other kind? Really?

Can we just call the next storm Uranus please, and leave it at that?


Finding Nemo

8 Feb


Well, they’ve done it again. Now the dreaded storm named Nemo is bearing down upon us here in the Northeast and once again I have to ask: Is that the best they can do? Nemo? A cute fish is about to devour Boston, New York City and half the eastern seaboard and we have to call it Winter Storm Nemo???

The Abominable Snowstorm works for me, and then like the Superbowl, just keep adding Roman numerals. Then we will know exactly what’s coming while also being reminded of exactly how many times this has happened before. “Oh no! It’s Abominable Snowstorm MCDXL!”

Really though, must they name every storm now? Remember when we just used to have storms?

Sadly, while reviewing my flood, earthquake, hurricane and homeowners, insurance policies I noticed a little addendum at the end that stated…and I quote,

A $500 deductible applies to covered perils other than storms named by The National Weather Service, to which a $10,350 deductible applies. These deductibles are part of a broad effort by the insurance industry to have homeowners take more steps to protect their homes, by having these owners share some of the risk. (let me know if you can find this clause in your policy)

So thank you insurance companies everywhere and the National Weather Service too for helping out the little guy and leading us undoubtedly towards a future that will probably see no storm, no matter how great or small, go unnamed.

So get ready for Light Flurry Flo! Foggy morning Frank! and Drizzly Daytime Dan! Soon coming to a town near you.


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