Tag Archives: science

Guns… In… Space!

17 Mar

Image result for guns in space

Space Cadets arise! It’s time to join the Space Force!

President Donald Trump has declared that space is a “theater of war”, and he has come up with the idea of creating a Space Force, a branch of the military that would operate outside of earth’s atmosphere….you know, like, in space!

“Space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea,”  The President recently told an audience of service members at a Marine Corps Air Station. “We may even have a Space Force, develop another one, Space Force. We have the Air Force, we’ll have the Space Force.”

He was so excited kids. He had to say it 3 times in a run-on sentence! (Do not try this in school)

Our forward thinking president then described how he’d originally coined the term as a joke, while discussing U.S. government spending and private investment in space. “I said, ‘maybe we need a new force, we’ll call it the Space Force,’ and I was not really serious. Then I said, ‘what a great idea,’ maybe we’ll have to do that!”

President Trump told this to a crowd of Marines and I am disappointed to say that they loved the idea… And even more disturbing, a contingent of House lawmakers in June proposed dividing the Air Force into two separate branches, one dedicated to aviation and a second, dedicated to space ventures. May the Force be with us!…and in space too!

The President (of the universe?) however, continued…”From the very beginning, many of our astronauts have been soldiers and air men, coast guard men and marines. And our service members will be vital to ensuring America continues to lead the way into the stars.”

And shoot them? …Sounds like a plan doesn’t it? But who will America fight out in space? We WILL need an enemy won’t we? Maybe that’s why we want to go to Mars…to establish a colony of Martians… and then invade!?…or maybe goad them into invading us? One can’t be too careful I guess.

Space is a gun free zone at the moment and with our luck some trigger happy, crazy, unloved, parent hating, alien loner from a far off planet where their constitution deifies weaponry, will wander into our air space (space space?) and start shooting up the thermosphere! (Hopefully just with like, guns… like we have)

Anyway, in case you might think I’m making this all up, Representative Mike Rogers, a Republican from Alaska and the biggest backer in Congress of a military space branch, said that directives have been included in the most recent National Defense Authorization bill that could facilitate the Space Corps plan in the future.

“This is just the first step,” said the Congressman. “We will not allow the United States national security space enterprise to continue to drift toward a space Pearl Harbor.”

Meanwhile, back on Earth, according to a report from Homeland Security in a department far, far away…Russian Earth-men have infiltrated our nuclear, electric and water power plant operating systems (which are still using software from a century far, far behind) and apparently remain there in cyberspace! (not space space)… waiting to…turn them off?… Should the situation or need arise???

And our President and our Congress have absolutely nothing to say about how they plan on defending us from that!




Party Like It’s Armageddon?!

12 Dec


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President Trump recently declared Jerusalem to be the capital of Israel, bringing much chagrin to many countries around the world…but not to Christian Fundamentalists, who see this as a prelude to the end of the world!

But don’t worry. Rather cry Huzzah! Because if you are a Christian Fundamentalist it means that the end of the world is a good thing and that soon, perhaps even sooner than we all thought, Jesus shall return to rule supreme once again…maybe even in time for Christmas!

Many Christians interpret Bible prophecy to be symbolic of the progression of the world toward the “great day of God, the Almighty” in which God’s just and holy wrath is poured out against unrepentant sinners, (like us? Them?) led by Satan, in a literal end-of-the-world confrontation. And it’s supposed to take place in and around Jerusalem, Israel and the Middle East.

And why shouldn’t it all be happening now? After all is our President not doing his best to please his base supporters and only those supporters? Many of whom are Christian Fundamentalists and also ardent Trump supporters and campaign contributors.

President Trump has been dismantling regulations, under-manning and under-funding key government departments like the State Department, placing unqualified supporters to head other key agencies like the Departments of Education, Environment, and Energy. His isolationist policies have insulted our allies and frightened our enemies bringing us to what many fear is the brink of nuclear war with North Korea.

And his very devout administration has been promoting other policies such as:

1. We don’t need to take care of the earth.
2. Going to war in the Middle East is a good thing.
3. We don’t really need to educate our children.
4. We don’t have to take care of the poor.

So what’s so wrong about all of that?… Why fret about what’s going on here on the insignificant Earth?…if you are a devout fundamentalist Christian evangelical  thinker then the Rapture should begin soon and you will be whisked away to join with Jesus in the sky. Everyone will be there! Cotton Mather, Kirk Cameron, Roy Moore, Sean Hannity, Hal Lindsey, and 41% of all American Christians! (according to the Pew Research Group) believe that they will be there too!

So let’s all cry Whoopee and Merry Christmas this year!… And shop till we drop then party like it’s 1999, or Armageddon, or the end of the world (as we know it). Because it’s the most wonderful time… of the Tribulation!

And may God bless us all, everyone!…(well, you know, not everyone…wink, wink)








24 Nov

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I visited my oldest son on Thanksgiving Day. He has one of those robot vacuum cleaners that moves about the house remotely and cleans under sofas and chairs, in corners and just about everywhere a human can reach.

But when the robot ventured beneath his living room sofa to do its cleaning thing, my son’s cat, who had been watching the machine carefully and with some suspicion, pounced off of his perch and refused to let the robot escape. Each time the robot attempted to report back to the light of day, the cat would bat it back to its underground lair, essentially rendering it useless.

So humans of the world do not despair! And Terminators of the future take heed! In the coming war between the Humans and the Machines, it will be the Cats who shall save the day! (so please make sure your cats get some Thanksgiving leftovers. It’s the least we can do and the future of our planet may lay in the balance of their gratitude!)

It’s Just Business America, Just Business…

9 Oct

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Today, President Trump’s campaign announced an “exclusive Columbus Day sale,” offering 25% off Trump-branded merchandise.

The Email sent to Trump campaign subscribers wrote: “As leftists push harder and harder to erase our nation’s past, there’s never been a better time to celebrate our history. America’s past is being vilified and stripped away by liberals in the media and our schools — but we won’t stand for it.” …

So there is nothing like enjoying a discount to make you feel better is there?!… Just use code 1492. (for all of you history buffs out there) I kid you not…this is too true to make up.

This of course is not the first time that a President has made a speech on Columbus Day to honor the old explorer, but it is the first time that a POTUS has done his best to profit from it by selling his own merchandise (at discount prices no less!) as though he were representing Macy’s or K-Mart rather than the United States of America…and while bashing at least half of all Americans in the process!

Nothing is worse for America than liberals the media and schools! So let’s all work to make America Great Again by shopping on-line for hats and other crap with our President’s name on it!

Because everyone knows that good old Chris Columbus was not looking for a new world (with Liberals, Leftists, Natives, Immigrants, Newsmen, Scholars, Protesters, Africans, Latinos and Jews in it!!!) He was looking for a way to get to the other side of the OLD world…

…So he could go shopping, of course! MAGA!


Are You an Anti-Intellectual?

21 Apr

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President Trump thinks that Korea was once part of China…you know, like France and Russia were once part of Germany. But do today’s Americans really care where a bunch of gooks originally came from?

I know that sounds insensitive of me and like I just used a racial slur but that’s OK now isn’t it? Now that we here in America no longer have to worry about being politically incorrect… which is apparently just another way of saying stupid.

Stupid is in. It’s cool now. It’s so anti-intellectual… and it’s taken the burden off of having to know things all the time. Now we can feel truly free again and not worry about having to always be right, knowledgeable or even educated about the subjects we are talking about… or the things that we are saying.

Like when President Trumps says that he has a task force steaming its way to the Korean Peninsula but it’s actually going in the other direction. Or like when our Attorney General refers to Hawaii as just some island in the middle of the pacific. Or how about when our Secretary of State says “Pon-Yang” like that’s really a place in North Korea? Isn’t that just so rad?

And remember when Press Secretary Spicer called Hitler’s concentration camps Holocaust centers? That was funny wasn’t it? Thank God the days of having to be PC about that war are over, n’est pas?

There are alternative facts now! Finally we can all stand up to the highly educated and tell them to take their knowledge and book learning and truths and stick then where those “Bowling Green Massacre” victims are buried…am I right?

In fact,  a recent survey of college campus presidents by Inside Higher Ed tells us that there is a growing gap between American college campuses and the American public...because about 70% of respondents agreed that anti-intellectual sentiment is growing in the United States.

Pretty cool huh? Especially now that we have an anti-intellectual president to help us lead the charge. No more worrying about what we don’t know, or what we just said or what we just did that might get us in trouble. And spelling??? Like that’s a thing!…From now on It’s full tweet ahead!

Like any insensitive monarch who could care less about what people think of us, we can now hold our heads up high when asked about what we meant about this insult or that, that off handed remark or this, or that bombing or the other and say…Mmmmmmm what was the question??? I just had such a delicious piece of chocolate cake, I can’t think straight!

Isn’t life in Post-Knowledgeable America grand? Let’s all eat some cake!

1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back?

5 Mar

Image result for drowning the government in a bath

Stephen Bannon, President Trump’s Chief Advisor, recently provided an explanation as to why almost all of the President’s cabinet choices are known mostly for opposing the very Federal agencies they’ve been designated to lead.

Mr. Bannon said, “If you look at these cabinet nominees, they were selected for a reason, and that is deconstruction.”

deconstruction: the analytic examination of something often in order to reveal its inadequacy; dismantling.

So, according to Steve Bannon, President Trump’s right-hand man, The President’s cabinet has a mission. And that is to show how inadequate their departments are and then perhaps help dismantle them….because, after all, do we really need clean air, clean water, fair labor laws, fair housing standards, anti-discrimination laws, financial protections, food and drug safety, national education standards and such?

Will this be the result of 4 years of a Trump Presidency? The dismantling and downsizing of the government as famed Republican strategist, Grover Norquist, has advocated for many years… until it can be :”Drowned in a bathtub”?

It is of course too early to tell and it is hard to know on which ideology President Trump’s ever changing mind will settle, but it does not bode well especially when you consider that the President has already signed an executive order on future and present government regulations.

“If you have a regulation you want, No. 1, we’re not gonna approve it because it’s already been approved probably in 17 different forms,” President Trump said. “But if we do, the only way you have a chance is we have to knock out two regulations for every new regulation. So if there’s a new regulation, they have to knock out two.”

The President’s supporters tend to applaud whenever they here this mantra repeated at rallies and speeches but if you take the time to think about it this new policy on government regulations is either one of 2 things. It is either a short-sighted and silly gimmick that sounds like it could be a good idea, when left unexamined… or it is meant to be quite sinister in nature from the get go…and here’s why.

Mathematically, the end result of this policy will leave one with no regulations at all. For if you have, let’s say, 100 regulations to start with then by creating 100 new ones you will have to eliminate 200…and 200 regulations will be exactly how many you would have after creating the 100 new ones. Any which way you examine it, a 1 step forward 2 step back approach will leave you, not in the same place that you started, but rather a considerable distance backward.

And if you think I’m being silly because you know that the President doesn’t really mean it (like he doesn’t mean most of what he says…literally?) then why did he make it a Presidential Order? Do those mean nothing to him also? He is our President after all…and he made it a Presidential Order! (with his giant signature and everything!) So if you don’t think he meant it to be literally true… then does the POTUS know that?…or doesn’t he?

Should we be listening to his advisors and spokespeople and tweets and executive orders…and believe what we are hearing and seeing?…Or should we be taking them all with a grain of salt?

Once again…we have to wait and see. Will everything simply work itself out in the end and all for the best? Just like in a Hollywood Movie… or Network Reality Show… or Good, Bad Dream?… Or should we prepare to draw America its bath?

Don’t Cry for Me, Scandinavia

22 Feb

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President Trump likes to get most of his information and news from TV…you know, just like the average American does. Even though he says that the news media is the “enemy of the people” (That would be us) he still likes to watch Fox and Friends, CNN, NBC news, ABC, CBS, Saturday Night Live and then stay up late to tweet about all of it…to other people like him… who like to watch TV also.

He says that Fox and Friends is the only “Honorable” news program out there and that the rest are crap! and not just any old crap but the lying, deceitful, dishonest, scummy kind of crap. Between all of the TV he watches during the day and night, and the time it must take to apply his “tan” each day, I often wonder how he finds time to do other things like….be President of the United States!

Anyway, at a pep rally this weekend (why does a POTUS need to throw pep rallies? I haven’t been to one since high school… How about you?) President Trump  falsely suggested that there was an immigration-related security incident in Sweden and that Sweden was having serious problems with immigrants… Can you imagine that? Sweden? (his words, not mine) The President later said that his comment was based on a television report he had seen…on Fox News… about how dangerous life has become in Sweden!

Of course wouldn’t you know…This was news to Sweden… and they called the U.S. State Department for an explanation…who of course…didn’t have one! So a little bit later a White House spokeswoman told reporters that President Trump had been referring generally to rising crime in Sweden, not a specific incident in the Scandinavian country.

But official statistics show that Sweden’s crime rate has fallen since 2005!… even though it has taken in hundreds of thousands of immigrants from war-torn countries like Syria and Iraq…So the Swedish foreign minister decided to post on Twitter an excerpt of a speech in which she said democracy and diplomacy “require us to respect science, facts and the media.”

I guess in Scandinavia they don’t watch a lot of Fox news or Fox and Friends on their Swedish TV sets…but here in the United States watching television is how our President learns about reality and as a former Reality TV star he knows that Fox broadcasts facts and not the fake news that all of the other networks manufacture. And we know he knows this because he is like, smart. (his words not mine)

But seriously, wouldn’t you think that as the President of the United States you could get your facts from the people who work for you and not have to rely on watching TV at all? You have access to the Cabinet and the Congress and the Pentagon and 17 Intelligence Agencies and Secretaries General and even Modern Major Generals! Heck, you have a direct hot-line to all of the leaders of the world, not to mention Alexa, Siri and Google!

You are the 45th freaking President of The United States! Why, in the name of all that is holy, are you gleaning information about the world from a TV show called Fox and Friends and then regurgitating UN-verified and possibly “alternative facts” to a crowd of admirers at a pep rally that you’ve had staged for your own aggrandizement?!



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