Breaking News from the White House Press Secretary…(republicans, you will not want to miss this!)

The White House press secretary has just announced that in 2016 President Trump had the largest, greatest and most attended inauguration in the history of the United States!

(Note: images may appear doctored depending on your point of view and/or mental health)

And in News from the Justice Department: The Attorney General of the Unites States has announced that U.S. prosecutors may begin looking for the strawberries!

Meanwhile: The President-Elect, Joseph Biden, is not receiving his daily intelligence briefings as per U.S. law, and national security officials are being fired and/or resigning from office.

The CDC says that Democracy may have contracted a terminal illness but their findings as of yet remain unclear…

Stay tuned for more breaking news!

Strawberries… and Nuts

There is a scene in the fictional naval drama, The Caine Mutiny, in which Captain Queeg  becomes convinced that missing strawberries from the officer’s mess were stolen by a sailor who had made a duplicate key to the food storage locker that he then used for the theft. The Captain then orders a ship wide search in an effort to find the duplicate key so as to prove his theory and bring the thief to justice.

It is later revealed to the audience that Ensign Harding had already informed Queeg that the mess boys had eaten the strawberries, and that Queeg had threatened to revoke Harding’s leave if he revealed that knowledge to anyone else, while the Captain continues the search for what he knows to be a non-existent key.

Meanwhile  here in the real world drama of the American Presidency, President Donald Trump had this to say via Twitter:

“I will be asking for a major investigation into VOTER FRAUD, including those registered to vote in two states, those who are illegal and….even, those registered to vote who are dead (and many for a long time). Depending on results, we will strengthen up voting procedures!”

He is making this claim and hoping to pursue this investigation despite an overwhelming consensus among state officials, election experts and politicians that voter fraud in the United States is rare…and that no evidence of widespread voter fraud has ever been found in the history of U.S. elections.

And yet despite having been declared the winner of the Presidency with 306 electoral votes, President Trump is still convinced that 5 million illegal aliens and dead citizens not only illegally cast votes in November’s election but also that all of those illegal votes were cast against him!…and thereby costing him a victory in the popular vote… which he lost to his opponent, Hillary Clinton, by 3 million.

5 million illegal votes would be an amount equal to almost 4% of  all of the votes cast in November’s election! That’s a lot of dead aliens! Or dead voters! Or Illegal voters. Or illegal aliens!… And they all voted for Ms. Clinton?! Not one dead/illegal/alien vote for Mr. Trump… who only carried some states by a mere few thousand votes?

For the sake of all that is sane, President Trump’s crazy crusade for illegal voters, which he has to know is a bogus one, lest he actually be insane… by definition… could only lead to his undoing should his insane quest somehow succeed…because he has already won the Presidency!!!!  What has he got to win???

White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, has since confirmed that President Trump continues to believe that  millions of illegal immigrants (and/or dead people) voted in the Nov. 8th  election even though he also could not provide any evidence to support those beliefs. He did however go on to say that although no White House investigation is at yet officially planned… “maybe we will … anything is possible.”

Holy crap… and strawberries… on a cracker!