Kentucky Free For All

Why cancel the Kentucky Derby? Do we really need to pack the stands at Churchill Downs with wealthy, crazy hat wearing, mint julep drinking fans? Do the horses really need diminutive human riders sitting atop their majestic equine frames?

Can’t we just line them up at the starting line and ring the starting bell and…they’re off!

All of us sports crazed, sports craving and sports deprived fans could place our bets from home on our computers and then watch on television to see what happens.

Where will the horses go? Will they run around the track as they’ve been trained? Without a rider? Will they hang out for a while and say hello to one another. Will they run amok, here and there or where ever? Try to find the barn? Munch lazily on some grass if they can find any.

This race could take minutes or hours or??? Who knows? But Americans everywhere could watch for however long it takes, fixed in their seats at home anticipating a conclusion and a big pay day should their horse cross the finish line first. And no matter the odds each horse would probably have an equal chance to make it around the track and back to where they started all by themselves…shouldn’t they?

I’m sure the true racing fan and horse aficionado could tell me if I have a clue as to how horses would behave under a riderless circumstance and I know that a thoroughbred race horse is highly trained and loves to run but…we’ve got to watch something don’t we?

So let them run for the roses…or the hills?

I think the American sports fan is just about reading to watch anything!

 

It’s All About the Spread

The National Football League is the most profitable “non-profit” organization in the world. And its product, football, is beloved by millions of adoring fans and Its football games are watched by millions of people… but most importantly and what makes it the premiere sports league in the history of the world is that its games are wagered on by millions and millions more.

Over 100 million dollars, that we know of, was wagered on the Super Bowl alone last year. And people will bet on everything possibly involved with the game from the exact length of the Star Spangled Banner as sung by the guest singer during the opening ceremonies, to the final score of the game, to the heads or tails of the coin flip, to the over/under of the final number of points tallied in the final combined score of the two teams. You name it and it can be bet on.

But one thing you don’t want to bet on is whether the NFL is going to kill their golden goose. And that is why the mystery of the New England Patriot’s championship footballs with the illegally missing air… shall remain a mystery. For to accuse, substantiate and penalize, as in suspend, someone before the biggest game of the NFL year would be to plunge the point spread of said game into the unknown and send the sports bookies running for the hills.

Imagine the New England Patriots without their immortal quarterback in the huddle for the big game or sans the winningest coach in NFL playoff history on their sidelines because of suspensions for cheating? Who wouldn’t bet on the Seattle Seahawks to win? And what if the team found out to be cheaters, then actually went on to win the game? Cheaters can’t win! I want my money back! Las Vegas itself would explode and disappear beneath the desert sands of the Mojave!

So where did the air in those footballs disappear to? Thin air? Hmmmmmm there’s a thought. If thin air does in fact exist then perhaps it was thin air that was in those footballs in the first place? Certainly Tom Brady, doesn’t know. He handles footballs for a living and even though he has said that he prefers to play with an under-inflated football he really can’t tell the difference between one with too much air or too little air when he holds it in his hands during a football game. At least that’s what he had to say in today’s official press conference.

How about head coach Bill Belichick? Does he know? He’s been around footballs all his life and today he revealed in his press conference, that he only just found out on Monday that footballs had air inside them! So he doesn’t know where it went either?

And the NFL Commissioner? He’s still looking for the missing air and who took it, and this investigation could probably take quite a while because looking for missing air and who took it is like looking for…uh…air… in a haystack I guess. Anyway, I can save everyone a lot of time and tell you right now who took the air.

It was a quiet, unassuming and soon to be discovered ball boy who loves Tom Brady, New England and Patriots everywhere and he was just trying to help out his boyhood hero by trying to make his balls feel good…uh…ummm…so he took the air. And…uh… absolutely no one told him to do that. And…uh…he is so sorry and…uh…it will never happen again because he is the one and only one who will be suspended and never heard from again.

How much you wanna bet I’m right? I’ll lay you 10-1 on the over/under of the NFL’s psi gauge.

Do Not Try This At Home!

Here is something that you really should never try, although if you have been listening to certain members of the United States Congress, you might think that it is a viable alternative to your personal budget woes.

Here is what they suggest: Get a credit card and then go out to your favorite stores and buy whatever you want for yourself, your family, your neighbors, whoever… and then when the bill comes to your house…don’t pay it! …It’s that easy!

In fact you should vehemently deny to pay all of your bills and explain to your creditors, family, friends, whoever that you are doing it because you are trying to be more financially responsible by imposing limits upon yourself and your reckless spending habits. Your creditors, family and friends may try to point out to you that you have to put limits on your spending before you buy things not after, but just shrug them off as financial no-nothings because your plan and Congresses is sure to work.

I once knew an alcoholic who always swore off drinking after he got drunk, never before…the above mentioned financial philosophy is kind of like that…wouldn’t you say?

Some of you may actually have tried this financial approach to your spending and bill paying. Many Americans have and they usually and eventually end up in bankruptcy. That’s if they can afford a lawyer. If they can’t then they usually end up in jail.

Why? Because, the above mentioned practice is not only irresponsible, immature, thoughtless, ill-considered, harebrained, corrupt, dishonest, shameless, unscrupulous, unethical, immoral, fraudulent and stupid…It’s also illegal…and oh yes, and just plain wrong.

Go ahead and try it and see where it gets you.

It’s strategies like this that have made gambling illegal because most gamblers always figure that they will win so why not bet with money they don’t yet have? Of course when they lose, their first inclination is, “I won’t pay!” problem solved! And that’s what always leads to the leg breaking and hence gambling is illegal…unless of course it is done under close scrutiny and regulation by…you guessed it…a government agency!

Go figure. You’d think Congress would know better. In fact I am quite sure they know better, so what do you figure is their game? They are either all drunks, degenerate gamblers or they don’t think very much of the American people whom they are supposed to be serving.

Perhaps if they continue down this road and welch on their promises and actually go through with not authorizing the payment of bills they have already incurred on our behalf… (and make no mistake about it, we and not they, will bear the financial brunt of their refusal to pay the bills because they’re all quite wealthy and they’ll be just fine)…their creditors will be allowed to enter their exalted chambers with baseball bats in tow, find those who voted against paying their debts, cowering behind their desks no doubt,  and…well you know…teach them a real lesson?

“Some people use one half their ingenuity to get into debt, and the other half to avoid paying it.”
-George Prentice

“If I owe you a pound, I have a problem; but if I owe you a million, the problem is yours.”
-John Maynard Keynes

“The man who never has money enough to pay his debts has too much of something else.”
-James Lendall Basford