Tag Archives: Christmas

Party Like It’s Armageddon?!

12 Dec

 

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President Trump recently declared Jerusalem to be the capital of Israel, bringing much chagrin to many countries around the world…but not to Christian Fundamentalists, who see this as a prelude to the end of the world!

But don’t worry. Rather cry Huzzah! Because if you are a Christian Fundamentalist it means that the end of the world is a good thing and that soon, perhaps even sooner than we all thought, Jesus shall return to rule supreme once again…maybe even in time for Christmas!

Many Christians interpret Bible prophecy to be symbolic of the progression of the world toward the “great day of God, the Almighty” in which God’s just and holy wrath is poured out against unrepentant sinners, (like us? Them?) led by Satan, in a literal end-of-the-world confrontation. And it’s supposed to take place in and around Jerusalem, Israel and the Middle East.

And why shouldn’t it all be happening now? After all is our President not doing his best to please his base supporters and only those supporters? Many of whom are Christian Fundamentalists and also ardent Trump supporters and campaign contributors.

President Trump has been dismantling regulations, under-manning and under-funding key government departments like the State Department, placing unqualified supporters to head other key agencies like the Departments of Education, Environment, and Energy. His isolationist policies have insulted our allies and frightened our enemies bringing us to what many fear is the brink of nuclear war with North Korea.

And his very devout administration has been promoting other policies such as:

1. We don’t need to take care of the earth.
2. Going to war in the Middle East is a good thing.
3. We don’t really need to educate our children.
4. We don’t have to take care of the poor.

So what’s so wrong about all of that?… Why fret about what’s going on here on the insignificant Earth?…if you are a devout fundamentalist Christian evangelical  thinker then the Rapture should begin soon and you will be whisked away to join with Jesus in the sky. Everyone will be there! Cotton Mather, Kirk Cameron, Roy Moore, Sean Hannity, Hal Lindsey, and 41% of all American Christians! (according to the Pew Research Group) believe that they will be there too!

So let’s all cry Whoopee and Merry Christmas this year!… And shop till we drop then party like it’s 1999, or Armageddon, or the end of the world (as we know it). Because it’s the most wonderful time… of the Tribulation!

And may God bless us all, everyone!…(well, you know, not everyone…wink, wink)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The War is Over!

8 Dec

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And Christmas has won!

According to the Donald Trump camp the election of Donald trump has made it OK to say ‘Christmas’ again and apparently  saying “Merry Christmas…Is not a pejorative word anymore.” Pejorative (for you non-elites) means expressing contempt or disapproval.

Really? Has anyone noticed a particular disdain or contempt from anyone that you might have said merry Christmas to over the last few years? Rumor has it (Fox News) that President Obama ushered in a war on America’s most celebrated holiday some 8 years ago because of the liberal left’s mad desire for political correctness…and of course because President Obama, well you know, is not from around here. (Sean Hannity, Donald Trump)

But those days are over now because way back in August Mr. Trump said that he always makes a particular effort to say ‘Christmas’ in  acknowledgement of the nation’s “persecuted” Christians…and he vowed that, if elected, he would right wrongs by making sure that the words ‘Merry Christmas’ be featured in department stores all across the land…

because they haven’t been?

Anyway, the war is over! And the 83% of Americans who identify themselves as Christians, (that’s 270 million!) won’t have to take crap from the 13% of Americans who say they have no religion at all.(only 44 million)

Imagine that! 13% pushing the other 83% around and not letting us Christians say Merry Christmas to each other without having to feel persecuted and bad about our beliefs. How did they ever get away with it?! It certainly wasn’t the Muslims, Jews and Buddhists and other non-Christian religious folks pushing us around and stomping on our Christmas rights because there are only about 13 million of them in America…combined!

How does 83% of a country find themselves in the minority in the first place? And losing a war with the other 17% too? But it was happening dammit! And we couldn’t win no matter how hard we tried! Until finally a savior appeared at just the right time, from a Trump tower on high, to turn the tide in Christmas’s favor.

Hallelujah! It was a Christmas miracle! And we can now all, Thank Trump for that!

So…Merry Christmas everyone! (now don’t you all feel better?)

 

 

And So This Is Christmas…

24 Dec

And what have we done?

Congress has still not brought our troops home from the longest war in America’s history…over 12 years and counting and can anyone tell me what we are there fighting for today? The war in Afghanistan has eclipsed our second longest war by almost 3 years but that’s only because it started almost 3 years before that one did. Can you name our 2nd longest war?

It’s the war in North-West Pakistan, which I did not even know we were engaged in. Did you?

Our Veteran’s now face sky rocketing suicide rates, leukemia from exposure to radioactive ammunition and return home with severe physical and mental disorders…excuse me…I mean simply, Post Traumatic Stress.

Meanwhile, at home our Congress voted this year to cut food stamps to 50 million Americans, most of whom are women and children, that we have managed to vilify for being so vulnerable and hungry…I’m sorry…they are now known as the “food insecure”.

Congress is also trying to decide if they should extend unemployment compensation into the new year for those who have reached their limit in benefits. After all says, Rand Paul, the best way to end unemployment is for the unemployed to “go get a job”. The unemployed are now the “chronically lazy.”

Congress has also sat idly by while housing shortages and the homeless population in our country continue to rise…

…As does our prison population. It’s the largest in the world by number and percentage…but at least our prisoners do have a home, so to speak, even if it does cost around 40 thousand dollars each, per year,  just to keep them there. Money well spent would you say?

And One year after the tragedy at Sandy Hook, Congress has still passed no significant legislation to help better regulate guns in our country…but clearly to many members of our most august legislative body it was the victims own fault for going to work and school every day in a “gun free” zone. They should have known better….and apparently, we have more of a mental health problem in our country than a gun problem. We have one of our most beloved presidents to thank for that but don’t mention it. We love him just the same…and it saved us money…so there is that.

And most sadly,  if a child were born to a poor couple in Bethlehem today he would still have twice the chance to live to celebrate his second birthday than if he were born in the United States…and that’s according to the CIA World Factbook.

All in all I’d say that’s a pretty dismal record for a country that fancies itself the greatest “Christian” country in the history of mankind…wouldn’t you?

So my question this “holiday” season is: What does it avail a man or woman to keep the Christ in Christmas if he or she is not going to keep the “Christ” in his or her country all year long?

We may have come a long way Baby, but Jesus, not near enough.

So a very Merry Little Christmas to all.

I hope we all can do better, by god,  in 2014.

Shall we?

 

 

A Christmas Miracle

19 Dec

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

I really am not attempting to be blasphemous but…

Here is a great holiday story just in time for Christmas!

A new study recently published in the British Medical Journal has found that one in every 200 young American women claims to have experienced a virgin pregnancy!

Apparently, A long-term and confidential study about reproductive health, found that 45 of the 7,870 women involved said they had become pregnant without ever having had vaginal intercourse or going through in-vitro fertilization, including 31 percent of the subjects who said that they had made a “chastity pledge” of the kind that has become popular among many Christian groups.

 

Still and according to the report, the findings were “put together from a series of questions about pregnancy history and vaginal intercourse history.” And The women were never directly asked if they had had a “virgin pregnancy”.

One of the researchers did state however that it was possible that some of the women “did not want to admit that they had intercourse,” or maybe just misunderstood the questions…because the researcher went on to add that the results were rather “unrealistic.”

Really? I wonder why she thought that? Are 45 virgin births “unrealistic” whereas 1 is “just right”? Or is it simply because it just isn’t possible to give birth to a child without first having…well…you know… But then again there is in-vitro fertilization so…I suppose the debate is…still open for debate?

 

Anyway the best part is that the lead researcher added “We actually found a few virgin fathers as well-which is a little harder to get your head around.” 

I’ll say!

But what does all this mean scientifically?

Well, according to my notes…It truly is possible… for anyone… to be believe… in anything…

apparently, even…???

 

Another Reason Why Christmas Need Have No Fear.

11 Dec

I like to think that I’m up on current events but I was shocked and surprised to read  that the much revered and beloved Nelson Mandela, who passed away this week, was on The United States terrorist watch list from 1986 until 2008!

This human rights icon, remained on the U.S. terrorism watch list until 2008, when then-President George W. Bush (of all people) finally signed a bill, approved by Congress, and removing him from the list.

South Africa’s apartheid regime designated Mr. Mandela’s African National Congress as a terrorist organization for its battle against the nation’s legalized system of racial segregation that lasted from 1948 to 1994. Soon after then U.K. Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher followed suit by describing the ANC as a typical terrorist organization and then our own President Ronald Reagan agreed!

 

And then again In 1986, our very own beloved statesman, Dick Cheney, then a U.S. congressman, voted along with 179 other members of the House against a non-binding resolution to recognize the ANC and call on the South African government to release Mandela from prison. The measure finally passed however, (whew!) …but not before a veto attempt by President Reagan!

 

And 14 years later, In 2000, soon to be Vice-President Cheney still maintained that he’d cast the correct vote!

So what does all this have to do with Christmas?

Well, I think that our much beloved traditions surrounding Christmas and its celebration here in the United States can survive any amount of “Happy Holiday” greetings that we the people can dish out to one another for quite sometime and well into the future because…

if the country that made slavery a household word and had to fight a 4 year long civil war because it couldn’t think of any other way to abolish the heinous institution yet then a full 6 score and 1 years later saw the African National Congress and its leader fighting against the inhumane policies of Apartheid in South Africa as a “typical terrorist organization” and continued to list that leader as a terrorist for another 1 score of years, then…

I think that it is safe to say that old traditions die very very hard here in the land of Christian love and tolerance and that Christmas and our Christmas traditions will have to be dragged out of our cold dead hands…so to speak…before we will ever let them go.

So children of America have no fear to spread the Merry Christmas cheer…although I have heard it said, that whenever Dick Cheney smiles…an angel loses its wings.

Christmas, Your Demise is Greatly Exaggerated

8 Dec

In Iceland they are grieving because a citizen was shot by the police for the first time in its 44 year old Independent Republic’s history.

Here in the United States that happens every day and almost 400 times a year but who’s keeping score? No. I mean literally, there is no one keeping score of such a statistic here in the U.S. If you do some research on the internet you’ll find that some people are trying but officially there is no definite number as to how many U.S. citizens are shot by the police every year.

But in all fairness to our police force we have about 300 million more citizens than Iceland does.

And we have about 35,000 more citizens killed each year by gun violence than Iceland does. Iceland has only about 5 shootings per year…but then again there is that 300 million citizen discrepancy. If Iceland had 300 million citizens they would have about 5,000 shooting deaths per year…of which their police would possibly shoot about 21…statistically speaking that is.

Which would still be 30,000/380 fewer shooting deaths per year than we have!

So what’s my point?

Here in the United States we like to shoot each other. So much so that it really isn’t even news. With almost 100 citizens being shot per day you’d think we’d hear about that more often…but we don’t or at least if we do we don’t seem to pay much attention. Why is that? Is 100 shootings per day too many to care about? Not enough? Just right? In Iceland they’re all bent out of shape about just 1. Do Icelanders love one another more than Americans do…or is it just a numbers thing? Multiply Icelanders by 1,000 each and see if they care when 100 or so turn up on the wrong end of a gun.

Who can say? But my second point is this…If we Americans and our news media are unconcerned with 100 citizens being shot and killed each and every day, why is the supposed and attempted assassination of Christmas such a big story?

If someone were really trying to kill Christmas in this country, it would be dead already!

Wouldn’t it?…

Probably shot dead from a 6th floor department store window during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I mean if anyone really had it out for Christmas it would be Thanksgiving! Right?

But even so, we Americans are a resilient bunch and would probably just brush off Christmas’ untimely death and move on…after a proper grieving period followed by more intensive shopping to get our mind off of our misery. Then we’d just replace Christmas with the new kid on the block like Vice-Christmas or Widow Christmas or Christmas junior or maybe just move straight onto the Superbowl and upgrade its status straight to deity. Then we could have an extra crazy month of shopping and celebrations added to the holiday season!

I’m just saying…

And besides, With all of Santa’s yearly home invasions wouldn’t Christmas have been dead long ago, shot by a vigilant gun owner who just didn’t like surprises?

That is if we Americans really had it in for Christmas?

But we don’t. We love Christmas here in America…and we love it so much that…dare I say… we love it more than we love life itself?

Yes Christmas, you are safe and well here in the United States and although hammers and guns may be of equal and deadly force when it comes to breaking our bones it’s people who kill people not hammers and guns, so certainly being called a name like “holiday” shall never hurt you.

And yes, Virginia, the reports of Christmas’ death are being greatly exaggerated. So don’t you worry about Christmas…you on the other hand, may just want to consider moving to Iceland.

 

Killing Christmas?

30 Nov

Is there a war on Christmas? That’s what I’ve heard but it appears to me that Christmas is doing just fine. Plus I’m pretty sure that we needn’t worry too much because Christmas can hold its own against anybody. Just ask Thanksgiving! It was swallowed up this year by the shopping frenzy we call the Christmas season.

This year Black Friday, which is the day after Thanksgiving and also the traditional starting point for the holiday season and also coincidentally enough, always held on a Friday… began on a Thursday! And that Thursday was Thanksgiving! What other holiday can swallow up another holiday while empowering one of the week’s days into swallowing its own eve? Now that’s what I call a Black Friday! And that’s what I call Christmas being Christmas.

Besides what other holiday has its own season? Really? I think Christmas is doing just fine and can hardly be affected by mere mortals who might dare to say “Happy Holidays!” or “Look at my Holiday tree!” And any school kid knows that Christmas vacation by any other name would still be 10 days off! And Christmas is the only day with the power to fall on a Wednesday and extend your holiday fun to 2 full weeks! Christmas rocks and always will!

And Christians in general need to just calm down and be happy that Christmas is the one Christian holiday that actually gets atheists to shut up about atheism for a few weeks and join the flock like lost sheep in need of shearing.

Yes, yes, yes, Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ but not even Jesus was a Christian. He was Jewish and never mentioned anything about starting up a new religion that worshiped him, of all people. I suspect he would be turning over in his grave at the thought…if he were still in it.

In fact I’m pretty sure that someone, who lived his life as a devout and rather orthodox Jewish man, if and when he did return to Earth to find us all decking the halls, burning the yule log and kissing Santa Claus, that jolly old fat German elf, as part of the worship of a holiday in his name, most likely wouldn’t even join in on the festivities over his own dead body.

Oh, wait…

Anyway, I like Christmas and always have and unless the Mayans are right and the world ends on December 21st, then Christmas shall have won another victory!

So Go Christmas Go! Happy Holidays and to all a good fright, because look out Halloween, we’re swallowing you up next!

A war on Christmas? Yeah, right. And the Easter bunny lays eggs!

GRACEFIFTEENTEN

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