Archive | 2:27 pm

I have a feeling I’m not in Jersey Anymore

24 Apr

Tornado in Toms River 4-21-20

This is what came down our street earlier this week! And it announced its arrival with the sound of a freight train, which was quite frightening because we don’t live near any train tracks. And it swept through our neighborhood like the monster from the Id did when it came for Dr. Morbius in Forbidden Planet, with trees tossed to and fro and houses be damned.

But do I live in Kansas or Oklahoma or somewhere else in the Midwest? Nope. I live in New Jersey… and near the beach!

Whatever happened to storms? You know, the kind the dictionary describes like this: a disturbance of the atmosphere marked by wind and usually by rain, snow, hail, sleet, or thunder and lightning… but NOT ALL AT ONCE!

Good grief! What’s happened to New Jersey?! That quiet little corner of the world east of the Delaware River tucked in between 2 other states big cities. Home of parkways and turnpikes and interstates peppered with rest stops serving pork roll and cheese sandwiches? Where a gas station or big lot store or Pizza Town can be found on most street corners? You know, The Garden State! Where did it go?

Because now it’s become a terrifying cornucopia of weather phenomena and disaster! What ever happened to the old New Jersey we New Jersians had come to know and love? The New Jersey where nothing exciting ever happened? The New Jersey that people from the north, south and western states only came to so they could drive to New Jersey’s eastern edge… and jump off!…into the ocean?!

We used to have seasons here in Jersey. Now we ride a weather roller coaster like the one we were on last Tuesday: 60 degrees and sunny, then dark ominous clouds riding in on the Southern Central Freight… a tornado! with rain, hail and snow…followed by sunny skies and temps below freezing!

Sometimes a hurricane will just decide to do an unannounced drive by. They used to visit every 25 years or so. And thunderstorms? Now we have thunder days with sideways lightning! In the winter! Or what used to be winter. Now it’s more like Wintummerspralling. In 2018  the Delaware Bay froze in January, the all-time monthly record for the warmest minimum temperature was set in August, followed by the wettest fall in 70 years and we even had a meteotsunami that May!(don’t even ask)!

Who knows what going to happen next?

Even the weather service doesn’t know what’s going on. They called this week’s tornado an “Incredible wind event”…just a few more feet into the ocean and we could have has a Sharkdado! but I’m sure that would have been called and incredible shark flying event…with wind!

No one seems to know what’s going on but we now have sometimes snow-less winters, all year round bugs and jellyfish, leaves that fall at Christmastime, flowers that bloom in February… and wineries! There’s no wining in Jersey! Who ever said, “Hey, lets go to Joisey and taste some wines. And fughettabout the pizza and the pork roll. Have the flatbread…and get the avocados?”

What the frig???

There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.

Crap!

I’m still here! Wherever this is?!?!

Joisey? Oh, you ain’t gonna see him no more.

 

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