Guns… In… Space!

17 Mar

Image result for guns in space

Space Cadets arise! It’s time to join the Space Force!

President Donald Trump has declared that space is a “theater of war”, and he has come up with the idea of creating a Space Force, a branch of the military that would operate outside of earth’s atmosphere….you know, like, in space!

“Space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea,”  The President recently told an audience of service members at a Marine Corps Air Station. “We may even have a Space Force, develop another one, Space Force. We have the Air Force, we’ll have the Space Force.”

He was so excited kids. He had to say it 3 times in a run-on sentence! (Do not try this in school)

Our forward thinking president then described how he’d originally coined the term as a joke, while discussing U.S. government spending and private investment in space. “I said, ‘maybe we need a new force, we’ll call it the Space Force,’ and I was not really serious. Then I said, ‘what a great idea,’ maybe we’ll have to do that!”

President Trump told this to a crowd of Marines and I am disappointed to say that they loved the idea… And even more disturbing, a contingent of House lawmakers in June proposed dividing the Air Force into two separate branches, one dedicated to aviation and a second, dedicated to space ventures. May the Force be with us!…and in space too!

The President (of the universe?) however, continued…”From the very beginning, many of our astronauts have been soldiers and air men, coast guard men and marines. And our service members will be vital to ensuring America continues to lead the way into the stars.”

And shoot them? …Sounds like a plan doesn’t it? But who will America fight out in space? We WILL need an enemy won’t we? Maybe that’s why we want to go to Mars…to establish a colony of Martians… and then invade!?…or maybe goad them into invading us? One can’t be too careful I guess.

Space is a gun free zone at the moment and with our luck some trigger happy, crazy, unloved, parent hating, alien loner from a far off planet where their constitution deifies weaponry, will wander into our air space (space space?) and start shooting up the thermosphere! (Hopefully just with like, guns… like we have)

Anyway, in case you might think I’m making this all up, Representative Mike Rogers, a Republican from Alaska and the biggest backer in Congress of a military space branch, said that directives have been included in the most recent National Defense Authorization bill that could facilitate the Space Corps plan in the future.

“This is just the first step,” said the Congressman. “We will not allow the United States national security space enterprise to continue to drift toward a space Pearl Harbor.”

Meanwhile, back on Earth, according to a report from Homeland Security in a department far, far away…Russian Earth-men have infiltrated our nuclear, electric and water power plant operating systems (which are still using software from a century far, far behind) and apparently remain there in cyberspace! (not space space)… waiting to…turn them off?… Should the situation or need arise???

And our President and our Congress have absolutely nothing to say about how they plan on defending us from that!

 

 

 

5 Responses to “Guns… In… Space!”

  1. hb March 18, 2018 at 10:26 am #

    Is anyone planning a trip to the inner space between Mr Trump’s ears?

  2. August Jensen March 20, 2018 at 9:29 pm #

    Here’s the problem… Space may be a “gun free zone” but plenty of countries have demonstrated the capability of shooting down satellites from here on Earth, and our military is heavily dependent on these satellites to be effective. Furthermore, it’s been established that we are falling behind in protecting and utilizing this kind of technology, in large part due to a lack of funding. Right now all space ops fall under the Air Force, but it’s simply not delegating enough funding to space programs. By creating a separate Space Force it is easier to ensure that these technologies are being properly invested in with both manpower and money.

    Of course this is all so polarizing because Trump is the one who said it, but he’s far from the first to propose it, despite his ludicrous claims (he needs to feel self important on every issue to fulfill his ego).

    • gpicone March 22, 2018 at 2:03 am #

      And not even you mention the fact that our power grid has already been infiltrated and compromised. Unless we fix that first what good will our satellites be?

      • August Jensen March 22, 2018 at 11:30 am #

        Everything is intertwined but one thing is for sure, more funding is needed to properly manage and protect these systems

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