Guns and Diapers

2 Apr

Gun sales in the USA are through the roof with 23 million new gun permits applied for in 2015! Americans, apparently, are nervous. Here in the land of plenty, the most prosperous and powerful nation on the Earth, the nation that extends its imperial arm across the globe like no other nation in the history of the planet…we, the people, are afraid…of something.

But what is it that we are afraid of? An eventual gun shortage? A mob of Mexicans flooding across the border to take our jobs before the great wall gets built? Isis and the Muslim horde come to take revenge for our Middle East transgressions? An LGBT explosion accompanied by forced mass gay marriage? An abortion epidemic? The possible election of a woman named Hillary? Our own government gone mad with regulation?

You’d think we’d be happy… ruling the world, kicking ass and taking names, using 25% of the world’s everything while being only 5% of the world’s anybodies… having 500 channels to choose from…plus the internet… and Netflix…and all at our phone fingertips!

So why all the guns? Is it because we really need to make America great again and this time America needs our help? Is it because Donald Trump is everywhere…telling us that we’re not great? I know that the media can’t figure it out. Our trained professional journalists keep putting him on television and then, quite disingenuously,  can’t  seem to figure out why he’s always on television.

And then whenever he says something incorrect or untrue, rather than challenge him or point out to the American people that what he has said is completely false…they simply move on to the next question.

But you have to admit that Mr. Trump does put on a good show. He’s been in the television business for quite sometime now and he understands all too well the power of outrageous spectacle and a populous that can’t get enough of unrealistic “reality” programming. He’s created a larger than life character that’s helped turn the Republican party into a late night infomercial and he has most Republicans running scared too.

Republicans have been selling hate, bigotry, fear and misogyny for quite sometime now but apparently they didn’t want to sell it right out in the open and so cheaply like “The Donald” is doing it. I do believe they prefer the more subtle, back alley, smoke filled room approach.

In any event many American citizens are now finding themselves frightened and fixing for a fight as guns are flying off the shelves in a country that already has the most guns per capita in the history of the world! Even the patriotic 17th century American militia minuteman would be hard pressed to interpret the 2nd Amendment this liberally (or is it conservatively?)

But where do the diapers fit into this story? Well along with guns, diapers have seen a 43% rise in sales since last year! Everybody’s buying them! Are we having more children in the USA hence we need more guns? Nope the diapers that I am referring to are of the adult variety! Yep, guns and adult diaper sales are surging all over America.

And so it’s come to this: An aging American population, living in the greatest democracy in the history of the world, is sitting at home, staring out the window, with guns in hands, irrationally frightened of impending doom…and literally crapping their pants!?

Perhaps it’s also finally come time in America… to turn off the TV? Because if we’ve learned anything about a good television program, we know that it’s the suspense that’s going to kill us. Unfortunately we also know that we just can’t wait to see how it ends.

So have fun crapping your pants everybody! And try not to shoot yourself in the process!

Goodnight…and good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

3 Responses to “Guns and Diapers”

  1. makagutu April 2, 2016 at 9:25 am #

    Will stand your ground laws and concealed carry permit or whatever it is, no one wants to be left out in gun ownership. Maybe suddenly most Americans have become hunters

  2. onnovocks April 5, 2016 at 10:06 am #

    What happens at the end of a Monopoly game?…Now have a good look around. Greetings.

  3. Barbara Backer-Gray April 8, 2016 at 6:47 pm #

    Hahaha! I can just picture folks sitting on their porches with their guns across their laps, wearing adult diapers so they don’t have to interrupt their vigilance at any time!

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