Penis not Included?

6 Mar

To Womb it may concern:

I keep seeing Facebook and Blog posts here and there about how Hillary Clinton is not the right choice for President of the United States because of the man she is married to and that any respectable woman fit for the Presidency would have divorced him by now…

So I wonder, are we to believe that because a man improperly used his penis, his wife is not Presidential material? Do we judge a woman by the man she is married too and if so, do we value or devalue men in the same way?

Over on the Republican side we have 3 men who all claim that their penises are the proper size for governing, as if such a measurement standard exists let alone has any validity. They are even arguing over whose penis is larger and who has used it the most! Donald Trump has used it to attract 3 wives already while Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz have only had 1 wife each.

Does that fact devalue the Trump wives or raise the value of Mses Cruz and Rubio…and is this really how we measure people? In any case they all seem to agree that owning and operating a properly sized penis correctly (politically speaking) is a prerequisite for seeking the highest political post in the free world.

Does Hillary (or any other woman) need to have a penis surgically attached to her anatomy (or one removed from her husband) in order to make her a valid candidate for President of the USA? Both options are medically possible and even acceptable now by a majority of American citizens…Does man in fact complete and define woman?

Or can a woman in the United States of America, here in the 21st century, actually possess the capabilities, intelligence and gravitas necessary to lead the country and the free world, with husband in tow, regardless of discussing said husband’s accomplishments or lack thereof, with or without penis, to become the First Woman President of the United States…

Or is First Lady, the best a woman in America can and should ever do?

I do believe that this fall we Americans will have the chance to actually answer that question for the first time in our history and while I do not know what the answer to that question will ultimately be, I am fairly certain that should Hillary Clinton win, her husband will be the first spouse in the White House to have a penis…

So America, if a penis you must have…there’s always that.

7 Responses to “Penis not Included?”

  1. Invisible Mikey March 6, 2016 at 7:24 pm #

    Brilliant, and hilarious. You might have to technically note there may have been a partner-with-penis at times during the Buchanan Presidency. (

  2. jmsabbagh March 6, 2016 at 9:40 pm #

    The remaining Three.God bless America .

  3. kingmidget March 7, 2016 at 2:49 am #

    In the midst of a get-together with friends last night, one of the women said she thinks that America was far more ready to vote for a black man for President than they were to vote for a woman. I just find that to be an odd sentiment. I believe there are a certain percentage of people who will vote for anybody for President, regardless of their skin color, gender, or whatever. And the same people who voted for Obama are, for the most part, more than willing to vote for a woman.

    My issue with Hillary has nothing to do with the fact that she has no penis or that she is married to Bill. Instead, it is with how she and her husband have led their lives and done things over the years. The best example is that between the two of them they have made over $150 million over the last 15 years giving speeches to rich people, corporations, and special interests. And then there are the millions those same interests have donated to the Clinton Foundation. There is something just unseemly about how they go about their business and it has nothing to do with her gender or who she is married to.

    • gpicone March 7, 2016 at 2:48 pm #

      I understand that but if I could make a million dollars speaking to rich bastards I’m pretty sure that I would. Unfortunately you can’t run for office without taking money from someone and then spending it all and when you consider that Sara Palin now makes over 12 million dollars per year on speaking engagements, and she is an idiot who cannot speak in sentences, well then I think Hillary will make as fine a president as we can ever expect in this day and age, especially when our only alternatives are named Cruz, Rubio, Trump etc…

      • kingmidget March 7, 2016 at 2:57 pm #

        I agree with that to a point … if Bill and Hillary wanted to live a private life and make their millions off of special interests, fine. But Hillary clearly did not want to do that. She wanted to remain viable as a candidate for higher office and run for President. Under those circumstances, I think they should have been satisfied with the tens of millions of dollars they made writing their books. It’s pretty hard to credibly attack the special interests when they’ve paid you that much money.

  4. George March 7, 2016 at 4:09 am #

    What an embarrassment to this country.

  5. stevenjwillard March 7, 2016 at 1:37 pm #

    Are we supposed to choose the candidate with the biggest dick or just the biggest dick? Some choice.

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