To Have and Have Lots

22 Jan

Here on the East coast of New Jersey winter storm Jonas is about to hit! And what are we humans doing? Food shopping of course! The grocery stores here are so crowded that one would think that we New Jerseyans hadn’t eaten anything in 3 weeks and aren’t expecting to be able to go outside again or get near a food store for 3 more!

After all it’s only going to snow for about 8 to 10 hours and most of that will happen over night when most of us usually do our sleeping. And then we’ll get up and shovel our driveways and the temperature will rise above freezing and…we’ll be free again! Free I say!

But why take chances? There’s nothing like the threat of snow to bring out the gluttony in everyone! What if we are trapped inside of our houses for most of the day and have to eat everything in our cupboards just to keep warm? Then what will we eat tomorrow? Is 10,000 calories enough? 20,000?

What if we humans lived on the planet Venus where it storms all of the time? We’d all be in a perpetual state of food shopping and living in fear of going without cupcakes! Just Imagine how happy grocery chains would be in a place where there was always the threat of bad weather…but it never came?

Now just think about how awful it must be to live in a food desert? You know, one of those places here in America where it is unprofitable to run a supermarket or grocery store because the people there don’t have enough money to shop… until they drop. Grocery chains don’t really care what the weather is like in the inner cities I suppose. And the poor people there must spend a lot of time praying for sunshine… and manna to drop from heaven.

But that’s life here in the states. If you’re not busy indulging in gluttony then you’re probably busy going hungry. Just as long as you’re busy doing something…otherwise the government will probably cut your food stamps again. It’s gonna cost millions and millions of dollars you know, just to plow all of this snow…

So we can go out in our SUVs… and get some more food.

10 Responses to “To Have and Have Lots”

  1. mrsloomis January 22, 2016 at 8:22 pm #

    French toast for everyone! Eggs, milk, and bread. I can’t think of any other reason to clear the shelves of those three items.

  2. Kayla MacNeille January 22, 2016 at 8:57 pm #

    Love this! You have such great voice. Maybe some of these people are worried their power will go out! I know I’ll be grateful for my hand-held can opener when I have to survive during a power outage as long as 3 HOURS…

  3. Kevin Deisher January 22, 2016 at 8:58 pm #

    Get out of my way! Let me at those frozen burritos! Stop that! I saw that first! No, you may not have that box of Raisin Bran and yes, I do need all 8 gallons of milk! Mind your own business!

    This was a hilarious post. Thanks for sharing. If you don’t mind I will link to this from Facebook so my panicky friends on the Atlantic Seaboard can have a good laugh.

  4. happilycurious January 22, 2016 at 9:08 pm #

    I’m in NC and we are getting the storm now. Mostly sleet and freezing rain for the past 12 hrs. The grocery stores here were empty days before the storm hit. I never understood the rush to go out and buy a ton of food just to be in the house for a couple of days.

  5. ruminationville January 22, 2016 at 9:18 pm #

    Excellent piece!

  6. George January 22, 2016 at 11:53 pm #

    I don’t understand the mentality. Never have, and I’ve stopped trying. I think we can thank the media for some of this pandamonia. Now I go to the supermarket just to watch the crazies. It’s fun and I try to get my laughs whenever and wherever I can..:)

  7. kingmidget January 23, 2016 at 1:49 am #

    I’m always amazed at the media’s fascination with weather and the frequent hysteria that is part of that. It’s raining outside. I can look out the window and see that. So why is the lead story on the news on days when it’s raining is that … It’s raining. I don’t understand why we need news stories to know about what we can observe by looking out the window.

    And then there are the STORMS OF THE CENTURY!!! There was one that was trumpeted across every news station in Northern California last year and the herd went out and stocked up on batteries and water and food and the storm of the century barely wet the ground.

    But I realize there’s a larger point to your post. The gluttony of those who have versus the food deserts that exist for those who don’t. It is one of those things we as a nation should be able to figure out. How to ensure that all people have decent grocery stores in the neighborhoods so they too have the opportunity to participate in the gluttony. No. That was a poor attempt at a joke. It’s disgusting the utter lack of options for healthy, reasonably priced food in the food deserts of this country.

  8. M.G. Piety January 23, 2016 at 3:21 pm #

    I have two theories about this. First, I think people eat out so often that they don’t actually have much food at home. What they are freaking out about is the prospect of being unable to get out to a restaurant.

    My other theory, which I came up with last night when I too was out buying groceries but the storm had not actually hit yet. Maybe, I thought to myself, this is simply a plot to stimulate the economy…

  9. TamrahJo January 23, 2016 at 10:59 pm #

    End of December, 1999 – I’m in Pace (or maybe Sams club -hard to remember, now) checkout line – in my cart are the items up for ‘replacement/restocking’ for this, ‘every 6 week shopping trip’ excursion – looks like toilet paper, laundry detergent, 2 kinds of cheese, restaurant size bag of pepperoni and other odds and ends that were last purchased 2-4 trips ago – –

    In front of me in line AND behind me, as well as carts at many of the other lines, are shoppers with one or more carts filled with: bottled water, manual water filtration bottles, deydrated food emergency stores, flashlights, batteries, home safes to hold the money they are going to withdraw, for you know, all the ATMs and banking system is going to fail – –

    I get my turn with the cashier – he grins, asks how I’m doing and if I’m stocking up for the millennium – “No, this is just my normal rotational shopping trip – have you guys been busy?”

    He just laughed and said, “It’s been NUTZ! But glad to see you got some toilet paper – we ran out a few days ago and had to do a ‘hurry order’ with the warehouse – –


    I grew up in a rural neighborhood, that in a 20 mile radius, used to have 5 grocery stores/3 butchers/2 drugstores and 2 dry goods stores – now there are 2 grocery stores left –

    Let word of a blizzard coming arrive and there would be an instant shortage of milk and toilet paper – both then and still, now, regardless of the number of stores šŸ™‚

    So I get what you are saying, but even with a variety options, until humans change their approach and thinking, it will still be a madhouse – and created shortages – šŸ™‚

    Great post! Thanks for letting me share, too!

  10. silentlyheardonce January 25, 2016 at 9:50 am #

    Pretty much on point.

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