Good Grief and Praise the Lord.

13 Dec

Tis the season of holidays and celebrations and New Years…and religion. Which means a visit from the local religious affiliates and their spokespersons. They all seem like very nice people but their visit, no matter how brief, always ends with the handing over of the pamphlet…and that’s where they always lose me.

This year’s pamphlet went something like this:

Why you can trust the Bible!

Answer: Because it’s never wrong! For example, some say that the Bible makes no sense when it explains that Cain met his wife? How could Cain meet his wife when Adam and Even had only 2 sons? Well, because the Bible actually says that Adam became father to sons and daughters so… Cain married his sister or niece!

Now I feel better!

Last years pamphlet said this:

It is true; most people are pretty good. However, contrary to popular opinion, not all good people go to heaven. In fact, you do not have to be a bad person to go to hell. Another interesting fact found in the Bible is that you are not really as good as you think you are.

And the year before?

What you MISS by being a Christian: HELL! (but see above)

Anyway, it’s that simple! So simple that you’d think that after 2,000 years and change, Jesus would have an overall approval rating greater than 31%, but he doesn’t, for only 31% of the world’s people consider themselves Christian.

Yep! Nothing says Holiday cheer and good will to all like a visit from your local Christian organization. That’s for sure! But don’t despair because this year’s pamphlet also explains that since the Bible is never wrong that means that the end times are near!

And I’m not just talking about New Year’s Eve… So according to my pamphlets, at least 69% of the world’s population is going straight to hell…and soon! The rest will beat their swords into plowshares and clean up…

It seems to me that most everyone on this planet always wants to feel exclusive and special about their beliefs. Somehow when something is available to everyone, and for nothing, it simply loses all of its value. Maybe that’s why we can’t get everyone on the same page when it comes to taking care of our planet. So Who, I wonder, do we think is taking care of Heaven…if there is such a place?

But why isn’t Heaven for everybody… and must only the like minded apply? I suppose that’s what makes Heaven so special, it’s exclusivity. Hell, on Earth anyone can get in! We are a greedy lot and it is hard to share the things we possess but you would think that after all of the pain, suffering and strife we go through together here on Earth we’d all just agree to share in an afterlife of peace and rest.

God knows, What would be so wrong with that?

4 Responses to “Good Grief and Praise the Lord.”

  1. ranu802 December 13, 2015 at 8:58 pm #

    I also wonder, who will go to heaven? 🙂

  2. helen meikle's scribblefest December 13, 2015 at 10:00 pm #

    Me, I’d say those who come to your door and those who write the pamphlets will be excluded from heaven (if there is one) for their sin of sheer self-righteous arrogance. The new testament was written years after Christ died, by men then old enough to be having (dare i say it) the odd memory problem. It’s been translated from the original umpty-million times and reinterpreted to suit the needs of every bunch of ‘Christians’ thereafter, culminating in this lot’s claim that god is only love if you believe their version. Which is OK by me. Imagine sharing eternity with all that smugness!

  3. Joanna December 21, 2015 at 12:44 am #

    You hit the nail on head every time. You should be running for President. Strike that. You’re way too truthful to get anywhere. Keep up the good work.

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