It’s All In the Head!

19 May

My best advice for education reform now and in the future is to take care of the children and simply this…”Parents and children of the world! Protect the head!

Forget about mandatory seat belts and car seats and bicycle helmets for young children. It’s too late by then. I say mandatory helmets for all newborns, not to be removed until the age of ten! We’ll have to develop some new age material that will be form fitting and fashionable of course and impervious to assault from small animals, siblings and adults who like to shake, shake, shake… shake their kids silly, but we can do it!

How did I arrive at this startling realization that the head is our most important teaching and learning tool? One day during class it occurred to me to ask one of my lower track freshmen classes, after a particularly hard day of trying to get them to understand the concept of sitting still, if perhaps any of them had ever suffered from head trauma as a young child? Blank stares filled the room and not one hand was raised. Briefly confused myself, I quickly realized my mistake and explained that trauma meant getting smacked upside the head.

That’s when every hand shot up into the air.

“Oh sure, said one boy, my brother hit me in the head with a baseball bat!”

“When did that happen?” I asked.

“Everyday when I was 6!” came his answer.

“Me too!” Said another boy, but it was my dad who hit me. Mom tried to protect me though. She said, hit him in the ass you idiot.”

“I fell down the stairs! Lots!” said a young girl.

“I fell out of the car.”

“I ran through the sliding door window!”

“I liked to hit myself with my shoes! Said another girl. That’s when I got my first pair of sneakers and went to the “Little Genius Academy”. I used to be a genius you know.”

And that’s when I knew I was on to something. All of my poorly performing, low achieving, attention demanding students had all suffered head trauma at an early age and some consistently! In every class, when I asked my students this question, almost always, all hands went up. It was their one common bond (besides being scatterbrained).

So I say this to all parents and children everywhere. Protect the head! At all times!  It’s the only one you’ve got and you’re going to need it every day!

5 Responses to “It’s All In the Head!”

  1. mesardonicmesarcastic May 19, 2015 at 1:56 am #

    Oh my God, ahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. D. Arthur Wargo May 19, 2015 at 2:52 pm #

    I fell out off a moving car, well actually my sister pushed me. My brother hit me in the head with a baseball bat, and Doug Mickey elbowed me on top of my noggin every time I played basketball with him.


    I agree.

  3. avwalters May 19, 2015 at 2:55 pm #

    I had several concussions as a kid (and a couple as an adult, too.) No, I’m not in professional sports; I’m just clumsy. Still, I cannot complain about the ultimate outcome–advance professional education, and the ability to think and write. One wonders what might have been…

  4. Elle May 19, 2015 at 3:08 pm #

    love this study you’ve done, indeed the head needs protecting. especially babies with their puzzle piece skulls which aren’t yet actual solid bone.

    I had never thought about this before, more specifically, how it could relate to later cognitive behaviors. thanks for the insight!

  5. Lorra B. May 22, 2015 at 9:24 pm #

    When I was 9 my sister accidentally (well, she SAID it was an accident) knocked me off the top bunk of our bunk-beds, and I landed directly on top of my skull…I was out for a long while and the scene looked like Jack the ripper had been there–head wounds being very messy and all. So, just imagine my intellectual possibility had this not happened!! I jest, though the story is true. Head injuries can have devastating affect, I was lucky. I think anyway…. 🙂

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