Double Identity!

14 Apr

Well, it has finally happened! I apparently am suffering from an identity crisis…and all because my bank has just informed me that I can’t withdraw any money from the drive-up or teller window unless I show them 2 forms of identification! Who do they think I am anyway?… Do I know?

They take my money just fine without so much as a how-do-ya-do…but when I ask for some…just some… of it back? They can’t tell me, from Bonnie and Clyde! The Teller was very nice, and I know it’s not her fault nor her policy, and she gave me my money (this time) with only my driver’s license as ID…(you know, the one that I could only get when I proved who I was by showing 7 points of Identification to the State of New Jersey) oh, AND MY FACE! Did I mention I had my face with me? My face??? The same one I’ve been wearing for 60 years… this May!

She said, “I can give you your money this time because we know who you are. But next time you’ll need to have 2 forms of identification. I guess It’s because of all of the bank fraud and fake IDs going around these day.”

Really? How is it possible that people are defrauding their own banks, where they do their banking,  with fake IDs…IN PERSON?!?! Did I mention that I was wearing my face at the time? And did you notice that her sentence had “We know who you are” in it? That’s probably because I have been going to that bank for 30 years, looking like I always have looked…except a little older each time…with the same ID and the same bank account and the same FACE! And…did I mention…THEY KNOW WHO I AM!

It is now easier to go buy a gun, with one ID (or none?) return to the teller window, and then just hold up the bank and get my money that way, than it is to ask for it politely with 1 ID and a bank check and a signature. And I’d probably get away with it too because when the police showed up the teller would be like, “Gee officer, I don’t know who the man was. All I saw was his gun and 1 form of ID! He could have been anybody… I guess?”

I just hope I don’t live to see the day when I show up to the bank with my bag of IDs, personal attorney and birth certificate and hear the words. “Money? What money?”

17 Responses to “Double Identity!”

  1. Human Interest April 14, 2015 at 10:47 pm #

    Reblogged this on Human Interest.

  2. Rellick April 14, 2015 at 10:51 pm #

    Was you wearing your face? lol

  3. Lorra B. April 14, 2015 at 11:05 pm #

    OMGOSH!! ROFLBO! I’m truly sorry for the aggravation you went through, really. BUT, thank you for the laughs! And, of course, the knowledge that I’m not the only one who finds the whole thing ridiculous. Perhaps you could wear your face as a fanny pack so they know where to kiss you as you walk out of their bank! 😂😂😂 Yup, makes me crazy too….😀

    • Outlier Babe April 15, 2015 at 12:09 pm #

      Brilliant, and appropriate, fanny-pack comment.

      • Lorra B. April 15, 2015 at 1:56 pm #

        LOL! 😀

  4. onnovocks April 14, 2015 at 11:26 pm #

    So now they can fail to verify 2 forms of ID instead of just one, …giggles! Next they’ll be asking us to get chipped, ….

    • Outlier Babe April 15, 2015 at 12:11 pm #

      That is already here. There is at least one company inserting chips under the skin of its employees’ hands which serve to identify them and Llow them to use the copier.

      • onnovocks April 20, 2015 at 12:21 pm #

        @ Outlier Babe. Ah, the Copier, a hacker’s dream, why hack the well guarded Server when no one knows how to, or remembers to secure the Copier’s memory. Yup, I’ll refuse to get chipped like my Passport or pet, I now carry my Passport in an aluminum box, with the right antenna and a “Dumbphone” the Chip can be read from 15 feet away, making a fake Passport even harder to detect as it contains all the right digital information. Aluminum clothing is not yet fashionable, but it will be 🙂

  5. avwalters April 14, 2015 at 11:35 pm #

    They act, more and more, like it’s their money.

  6. jesebell April 15, 2015 at 3:00 am #

    Sounds like the red, white, and blue bank I worked for.

  7. makagutu April 15, 2015 at 5:43 am #

    Thanks for the laughs. Sorry about what you had to go through.

  8. emmylgant April 15, 2015 at 6:58 am #

    Funny and sad.
    What’s the point of all this nonsense?
    For some one id is a challenge, especially the elderly, never mind two!
    Damned two-faced banks who spew bare-faced lie as they hide behind tellers who can’t use their common sense.
    Bank robber has a whole new meaning…:-(

  9. mbtrevino April 15, 2015 at 10:59 am #

    I bank weekly at a small, local bank. In the lobby, I walked in and bumped into the president of the bank; we are friends. We hugged, talked and laughed. Then, I went over to the counter to conduct my transaction, the teller asked for an ID. I gave her my Driver’s License. (She had just witnessed the cordial greeting.) She paused and boldly questioned if I was indeed who I claimed to be. My driver’s license has my full legal middle name, Elizabeth. She doubted that Beth is a shortened version of that. For an entire nano-second, I felt like an identity thief. Wait, the real question is what kind of customer service is this? Next time, I will just use the drive though. They give away suckers.

  10. Outlier Babe April 15, 2015 at 12:12 pm #

    Excellent, snarky, funny post.

  11. witchinsuburbia April 15, 2015 at 12:59 pm #

    Don’t forget to leave a recording of your voice and a video of yourself! Then when they ask you to present your bag of IDs and do a sexy dance while grunting and exposing the pattern of your chest hair, you’ll be fully prepared. :o)

  12. I’ve missed your blogs. I take the responsibility. My husband is very ill and his care comes first. I so understand what you mean about these banks and their new rules they make up as they go along. A case In point is the bank where my husband’s business account is. They know me, I’m on all signature cards complete with photo and we even have power of attorneys on file for me to do any and all business with them.
    This past week I went to deposit a large check for a necklace Tom had made on commission for a regular client. This happened to be a long time client from the early 80s and they spend a lot of money on jewelry. I wouldn’t have been angry bur the bank insisted they had to confirm the originator of the check before deposit. I don’t want to move the business account back to CA but if upper management cannot fix this problem, I won’t stay.

  13. aj vosse May 7, 2015 at 7:01 pm #

    I reckon it must be a respect thing… they respect you and your money equally so they need to see two ID’s before they part with your money and then have to live with the consequences of not seeing you again for a while. Two eyes she has… two ID’s she needs!! Burn her retina’s!! 😉

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