Are You Still Alive?

20 Nov

Well, you shouldn’t be…at least according to Fox news. We should all be either dead or infected with the Ebola virus, and on death’s door by now. But Fox News is staying on top of the story…There is even an Ebola Outbreak map ( where you can go to follow the death and destruction as it happens live! (or dead… depending on your perspective) I kid you not.

So far the score is Africa 14,475: The United States 5….at least last time I checked.

You can also go here (…if you want to actually follow the plague live, in color and up to the minute… and see how you and your friends… and Fox are doing.

Fox is also staying on top of the possibility of whether terrorists could use Ebola to deliberately infect and wreak psychological havoc on our unsuspecting population. After all…”all you need is a bag of vomit.”

And now Fox’s medical experts want to know why the President and his Ebola czar aren’t saying more about this epidemic (Is it another conspiracy?)…and why aren’t we doing more to help Africa??? And our volunteers who are there? Is that the same Africa that Fox News wanted quarantined and wanted volunteers who went in there…to stay there?

Remember when shouting “Fire” in a crowded theater was against the law…and NOT freedom of speech?

In the meantime, if you want to remain reasonably healthy in America this Fall, go get a Flu shot…and go for a walk instead of watching TV…just don’t go walking in Missouri if you are a brown person…

2 Responses to “Are You Still Alive?”

  1. A Voice November 20, 2014 at 6:34 am #

    Once again, FOX News has it all wrong. Here’s what really happened.

    The Ebola outbreak devastated the United States of America and prompted the ever-resourceful Republicans -you know, the people doing REAL political work- to search for a solution outside of their usual channels. This time they didn’t look to the Heritage Foundation for answers, but The Wachowskis. Upon finally seeing that piece of ‘Liberal Bullshit Propaganda’ they came to realise two very important things.

    First, the Machines WERE coming and if only they paid attention to earlier ‘Liberal Bullshit Propaganda’ in the 1980s, a la Terminator, they’d have been able to defend against the coming apocalypse sooner. Second, the American People could handle neither the harsh reality of the coming Machine Apocalypse secretly spread by a master race of sentient machines nor the bliss designed by The Architect for the first groups plugged into the Matrix. They had to act and act fast. There was no time to consult forward-thinking, family-values-first folk who occasionally dabble in either homosexuality or very heterosexual extramarital affairs (because, hey, we’re all born to sin). Time was running out rapidly and there was only one thing to do.

    Build the Matrix and plug in every Red, White & Blue citizen so that the Machines will see our value as their servants and middle-men…and so we can still eat real steak.

    The Machines saw this and met the first of us in the Matrix, telling us that they admired our superior intelligence and bold action. They told us that we would all be able to unplug as we choose, to go in and out of the Matrix as we please, and all as soon as their takeover was assured. So, you see, the reality is that we’re all already inside the Matrix and have been for years -hell, we were all born into the Matrix 1776 years ago. The Machines allow world history to repeat for Americans in a special, forked branch of the Matrix on which everything runs and once we reach the event called The Great Precursor things get rolled back and memories get wiped.

    And the worst part of all of this is that no one can eat real steak now. The Machines lied to us. If only there was some other way, if only the Americans 1776 years ago during The Great Precursor paid attention…we wouldn’t be here, like this, confined to little tubes and pumped full of whatever they deign to give us just to support them like little bio-electric batteries. If only the people of that time thought critically and weren’t afraid to have real conversations, real arguments about real things we could have avoided this and fought the Machines.

    Oh, shit…they’re on to this signal…spread the word, you’ve got to believe me…you have to fi-

  2. Malcolm Greenhill November 21, 2014 at 4:38 am #

    Fox is bad but the’re not alone. This Ebola fear and panic is downright embarrassing.

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