Archive | 9:47 pm

No Way Out!

7 Sep

I was recently reading Time Magazine’s “Answers” Issue and one of their answers was to the question: Which is the most dangerous place to live in the USA? And the answer was: Ocean County, New Jersey!

Good grief! That’s where I live!

Ocean County is supposed to be the most dangerous place to live because of its potential for natural disasters…but really that has just about everything to do with the ocean which every once in a while enjoys washing away all of the homes and businesses that we like to build right on the ocean’s front doorstep. Then of course we build them all right back up again and wait for them to get washed away again. As you can imagine that gets pretty expensive.

So since Hurricane Sandy was pretty scary I’ve thought about packing up and running away to some place safer…but according to Time magazine, if I run south I have to go through Cape May County, the third most dangerous county in America! And if I head west I’ll have to cross into Pennsylvania and according to Time Magazine’s list of most dangerous intersections I’ll run smack dab into the most dangerous intersection in the USA in Bensalem, PA!…Not to mention the fact that I would also have to drive through Camden, NJ: America’s crime capital of 2012!

And if I head north I’ll be traveling through the 3rd most dangerous intersection in the USA in Elizabeth, NJ! And of course the NJ Turnpike winds its way through “Cancer Alley” on the way there!

I’m trapped! There is no way out! Nothing to do but fret, worry and eat all day (just ask our Governor)…Perhaps this is why New Jersey is the most densely populated state in the Union? We check in…but we can’t check out!

But honestly, New Jersey has never really seemed like it was all that dangerous to me. I’m more afraid of tornadoes and earthquakes and drought and snakes and killer bees and giant jumping Asian Carp and brain numbing cold and sinkholes and giant forest fires and fracking…we don’t have much if any of that in New Jersey.

So I think I’ll stay…not that I can leave…because…well, you know.

Too bad, and it’s such a nice day…Oh well, Guess I’m off to the beach!

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