Archive | February, 2014

Homo-Geniuses?

11 Feb

College football star, Michael Sam, recently announced that he is gay and because he is almost certain to be drafted, he could soon be the first openly gay active player in the National Football League. So naturally this is a matter of major concern to big strapping male jocks all across America. Why?… Mostly because men are idiots (just ask women)

But more importantly my question is…why must male athletes always shower together? In one big giant shower room? Who else does that? Prisoners? And who invented the communal shower room? Caligula?

I mean really! If guys are so worried about other men’s sexual orientation…

Then stop showering with other men! And/or stop making them shower with each other…and you!

The photo above is from the Dallas Cowboy’s state of the art multi-zillion dollar football stadium. You’d think that they could afford separate shower stalls… with doors even…for their multimillionaire employees. After all the Cowboys do earn over 1 billion dollars a year as an NFL football franchise! Do they have a portable black and white TV with rabbit ears hanging over the stadium? No! They have 2 state of the art 13,000 square foot high definition video monitors…so what’s with the shower room that looks exactly like the one I was herded into like a terrified wildebeest when I was in high school?

And  why communal showers anyway? Do you shower with your co-workers after a hard days work together? If you’d like to, then go ahead and suggest it, and see if you have a job tomorrow.

What other career do you know of that requires everyone changing and showering together as part of its job description?

I remember being in the 7th grade and suddenly learning that one of the prerequisites to being a high school athlete was showering with other naked guys. This was apparently supposed to be some kind of tribal rite of passage…although no one told me what tribe we were suppose to be in.

Judging by the highly sophisticated and intellectual coaches we had… I’d say it was the Homo-Genius tribe!

Haven’t Sports evolved?…So when will men?

 

Horrible Humans

9 Feb

So Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson are on TV talking about how much better healthcare would be in America if only we let free enterprise do its job and allow health insurance companies to compete for customers instead of the dreaded new healthcare law that we have now…and they were laughing and chuckling and smiling and having a grand old time agreeing with each other about how much better and cheaper things are when you “outsource” to private enterprise and get government out of the way.

Anyway, their conversation suddenly took a serious tone when Ms. Coulter told a little anecdote about how her “friend” in California called her up one evening and told her that the friend’s sister had lost her insurance because of “Obamacare” and then when the sister became sick they couldn’t even go to the emergency room because they had no insurance. So days went by and Ms. Coulter had to go give a speech and when she got home afterwards she received a text from the friend informing her that the sister had gone into septic shock… and died! And the friend added in the text that her sister was “killed by “Obamacare!”

“Can I tweet that?” Ms. Coulter asked her friend. And her friend replied, “Of course you can. My sister would have wanted that.”

“Oh my God!” said a suddenly saddened Tucker. “That is really upsetting!”

“Shocking but not unexpected”, said Ms. Coulter with a chuckle (she’d apparently gotten over her grief) and then went on to conclude that “Obamacare” kills people just like she and all Republicans always knew it would and that the obvious answer is free market capitalism which as we all know saves countless lives all over the world and never is responsible for the death or mistreatment of anyone.

However, Never once did Ms. Coulter mention the fact that Blue Shield (the friend’s sister’s insurance company) did not pull out of California, like she said it had, and the company did not leave people without insurance, like she said it did… And in fact, in California, customers are allowed to keep their existing insurance plans through March…and of course that obvious scholar of all things American, Tucker Carlson, never once corrected her.

Nor did Ms. Coulter happen to mention to her friend that anyone can go to the ER in a hospital for emergency treatment, with or without insurance, and must be treated for life threatening illnesses. (any illegal alien knows that!)  In fact that has been one of the cornerstones of Republican angst whenever they discuss the sorry state of healthcare in the U.S.A. and how expensive it is to supply free ER care to the millions or immigrants, illegals and uninsured in the country today.

And Ms.Coulter apparently forgot that she is a mufti millionaire and could have saved her friend’s sister by simply telling her friend to “take your sister to the doctor and send me the bill. I’m really rich! Spare no expensive because after all, we’re good friends!” …but she didn’t…and Mr. C. didn’t point that out to her either.

All Ann did was go give a speech and then text her friend, after her friend’s sister died, “Can I tweet that?”

 

Then Tucker and Ann went back to alternately smiling and looking concerned and feigning outrage while continuing to discuss how President Obama and his horrible “Obamacare” (actually it’s called the Affordable Care Act) was specifically designed by the President of the United States and forced down the American people’s throats just so he could purposely kill people.

And the thought of that was amusing to them too! Silly Americans, you elected a murderer! Hee, Hee, Hee…

And for some strange reason Ms. Coulter also failed to mention how, if only her friend’s sister had been a Liberal Democrat, this all would have been a very happy story with a very happy ending and also the title of her next book, “How Obama murders liberals and I don’t care!”

How do these horrible human beings live with themselves? They make a living laughing, joking, cavorting…lying and worst of all, pretending to care about relieving the abject despair that so many real Americans live with every day of their lives… when they really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone other than their own sorry, selfish, insincere, money grubbing selves.

How do they do it?

Will somebody please tweet me that.

 

Give Peace a Chance?

7 Feb

 

Here is a very alarming statistic!

There are over 200,000 inmates in America’s prisons who are veterans.

That’s 14% of the U.S. prison population!

Which means that 1 out of every 7 American citizens who is incarcerated today, once served our country by participating in its armed forces.

And when you consider that:

Nationwide, 900,000 veterans live in households that rely on SNAP to provide food for their families.

57,849 veterans are homeless on any given night, according to the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

An investigation by the Department of Veteran Affairs concludes that Almost once an hour a military veteran commits suicide. That’s over 8,000 suicides every year.

And consider that government programs for food stamps, housing and mental health have all recently been cut.

Then…

When our nation’s young soldiers are recruited and advertised as heroic unselfish patriots fighting for national freedoms and yet later as veterans, treated as though they were worn out, discarded and forgotten appliances who can no longer be of any marketing value, then something is seriously wrong with what it is that we all think we, or rather our soldiers, are fighting for.

If the costs of waging war are so great that the costs of healing the wounded are considered too burdensome then it’s time to recognize the fact that war isn’t our most serious nor our most pressing problem.

Isn’t it?

It Makes the World Go Round

6 Feb

Recently there has been a spate of computer hacking at large retail stores, most notably,  Neiman-Marcus, Target and Michael’s, where customer credit card information has been stolen from each companies computer systems. This information has been sold to other criminals who in turn use the info to create bogus credit cards which are then used to purchase items on-line in the names of the stolen identities.

If you have ever had your identity stolen or have had fraudulent charges made to your credit card account then you know how upsetting and frustrating this can be…and you also probably know how little surprised and unfazed the credit card companies are by all of this thievery when you contact them.

There are two relatively easy fixes for this problem: One involves these large companies strengthening their computer systems security measures to make it more difficult for the hackers to place malware and other viruses into those systems which then allows the hackers to retrieve valuable data used to steal credit card and customer info. That of course would cost the retailers money.

The second fix involves creating a new type of credit card, one with a technologically superior computerized chip and stripe that requires your also using a 4 digit pass code when making purchases. This would replace the current stripe that is on the back of your card now and which represents a credit card technology that is already 40 years old.

So why not create a newer and safer credit card for all to use?

Because even though the new card would only cost credit card companies about $3 each to replace there are about 5 billion credit cards in circulation in the U.S. alone. And since credit card fraud amounts to about 5.5 billion dollars in fraudulent purchases it’s more cost effective for the CC companies to…you guessed it…do nothing.

So, until the thieves do more thieving it’s up to us to be more vigilant about how we use our cards. One thing to do is to select credit rather than debit when swiping your bank card at stores. And purchasing on-line is safer than in person (go figure) and of course cash…remember that?…is the best way to avoid identity fraud.

Of course then you might have to wait a bit at checkout while the cashiers do the math and count out your change, but having us all do a little bit more math is probably a good thing since nothing is going to get cheaper and thieves are way ahead of all of us when it comes to doing the math.

I’d also mention the old adage, “If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it”… but I can hear you laughing already…

Superstitions and Super Bowls

2 Feb

Pennsyltucky Phil has done it again! It’s Groundhog Day and the little critter has been yanked from his home to make his yearly prediction: Six more weeks of winter! Ouch! Phooey! No Fair! That’s 42 more days, to those out there who are mathematically challenged, of winter! And since it’s February 2nd and the Spring Equinox occurs on March 20th which, for those of you who are scientifically challenged, is when the sun crosses the celestial equator and Spring begins, there are still 46 days until Spring! 

So huzzah! Spring is coming early, by rodent standards that is, whether Phil saw his shadow or not…and if you are governmentally challenged then you have forgotten that daylight savings time begins on March 9th this year and we’ll all get an hour of extra daylight (not really, we’re just moving it from morning to evening) and that’s only 35 days away so thank you Uncle Sam, Spring will be arriving even earlier (as far as I’m concerned. How about you?) again this year!

But even so, tens of thousands of folks gather around each year to see what poor little old comatose Phil, ceremoniously dragged from his cozy hibernation lair, will have to say about it, even though Phil’s track record is less than reliable. He’s only gotten it right just 39 percent of the time since 1887, which of course makes him as accurate as a coin flip…but not really!

I guess we humans just love a good reason (or any) to party, and the good folks of Punxatawny say that this annual event (party) has helped raise millions of dollars for their economy. Meanwhile a few hundred miles east the NFL is celebrating the real end of winter with their annual Super Bowl (party), in which dozens of men collide into one another, (while tens of  millions of others watch) rattling their brains, and lowering their own life expectancy in order to help raise billions of dollars for another great cause…the National Football League. 

If only we humans could find a way (party) to make ourselves care about one another the way we care about superstitions and Super Bowls. There’s no telling how much money we could raise for a good cause (the human race?) then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Jersey’s Big Fat Traffic Study

2 Feb

 

This is a paragraph taken from The Traffic Study Policies and Procedures of the City of Los Angeles, Dept. of Transportation:

 

“A traffic study may be required of a development project due to environmental law or to City regulations, and its purpose is to predict and analyze the circulation and congestion impacts of project-generated traffic, and identify feasible mitigation measures.”

You might have heard that here in New Jersey our Governor, Chris Christie, has been accused of purposely creating a major traffic jam at the George Washington Bridge in order to take revenge against the mayor of Fort Lee for not endorsing the Governor’s reelection bid this past November.

Governor Christie denies having any knowledge of the events that led to the traffic congestion and says that it was all the the fault of his aids and staff who were acting without his approval, “I had no knowledge of this — of the planning, the execution or anything about it.” said Sergeant Schultz…I mean the governor…”I was told and thought they were performing a traffic study.”

A TRAFFIC STUDY?! Forget about what Governor Christie knew or didn’t know. Why hasn’t anyone questioned him on what he and his cronies  think a traffic study involves because apparently they are all complete morons and incompetent public servants if they think and believe that a traffic study involves closing 3 lanes from NJ into the George Washington Bridge to see what happens? That’s a study? Really? Someone intelligent, important and/or competent at what they do really needs to observe and STUDY a colossal traffic jam in order to believe that it will happen? When you close down all of the traffic lanes? In New Jersey? Heading to the George Washington Bridge? At rush hour? Really? Seriously? This is the best excuse that you’ve got? And we believe you?!

His saying “I thought it was a traffic jam.” is simply NJ Goombah speak for “Of course I was doing it on purpose with full knowledge aforethought, duh! Now who’s the idiot for asking such an obvious and dumb question?”

It’s like saying, “Hey Tony! Don’t make me come over there and perform a colonoscopy on your ass!” when you’re not a proctologist!

Or, Hey youse! Hows about I come over to your place of business and interview you for that position in the concrete factory in front of all of your friends?” When you don’t own a concrete factory nor plan on conducting an actual job interview!

It’s like running down a rival gang with with your Land Rover and telling the police, “Hey like uh…I thought it was a traffic study!”

We had a bully in the school where I taught, who punched a kid in the hallway just because he didn’t like the kid’s looks which started a tremendous brawl that jammed the hallways and kept everyone from getting to class but later when we finally caught him, rather than own up to it, he told us in all seriousness and with all due respect that he was just conducting a hall traffic study. You know, to see what would happen …so of course we just let him go and spent the rest of the day debating  whether he was telling us the truth or not…

Yeah right! What were we idiots!? He was a wise ass just like most bullies are, but that doesn’t mean we have to believe them.

So now Governor Don Christie’s close personal aid who resigned and took the fall for said traffic jam has come forward to announce that the governor knew all along about the “traffic study” and the dirty trick they were going to play on the mayor and good people of Fort Lee. Of course he didn’t come forward personally but rather issued a statement through his lawyer…most probably because he wants to avoid that later interview at the concrete factory!

So, did our illustrious Governor, born and raised in and vowing never to leave, New Jersey…really know about the… uh…how should I say…said and aforementioned, uh… traffic study? (wink, wink)…before he said he knew about it?

Fuhgetaboutit!

Oh, And by the way, we have a nice bridge we’d like to sell you too.

GRACEFIFTEENTEN

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