Bizzarro Ball

20 Aug

Yesterday I may have witnessed the most entertaining baseball game in history.

It was already sure to be a barn burner because it featured that classic and age old rivalry of The mighty Yankees vs. the dreaded Red Sox when up to the plate stepped the Yankees third baseman, the most vilified baseball player of the modern era, A-Rod the Steroidable, while on the mound stood the home team’s hopeful and champion for goodness, Ryan the incorruptible Red Sock , Dempster.

It was a classic face off…good vs. evil…When low and behold the clouds darkened and The force for Goodness proceeded to throw 4 straight pitches at the evil Dr. of baseball, finally plunking him on the shoulder with his last pitch! The Red Sox hurler couldn’t have been more obvious about his evil intentions if he had strolled up to the plate, grabbed the bat from the Yankee batsman’s hands and whacked him upside the head with it… And all while the entire baseball world watched on TV!

Good assaulting evil? With malice aforethought? Why, that’s unheard of! It’s supposed to be the other way around. Even the umpire was so confused that he refused to throw the assaulting pitcher out of the game. One can’t punish good for doing wrong to evil can one?

Even the players of both teams were perplexed as they stormed from their opposing dugouts onto the field where, rather than engaging in angry fisticuffs, they began to mill around in confusion not knowing who to defend…or hit: The aggressive good guy who did a bad thing or the defenseless bad guy who was now the good guy just minding his own business at home?

Yankees manager, Joe Girardi, nearly died in a fit of apoplexy while cavorting about in front of the umpire trying to make sense of it all. “You should throw the bum out!” He appeared to be yelling while the umpire was trying to figure out which bum he meant.

And then from there the game simply,  evolved… or did it devolve…into a reverse…or was it perverse… form of hero saga as the Red Sox jumped into the lead by virtue of their righteous anger and mission to  show these once mighty Yankees and the world that cheating through the use of performance enhancing drugs would no longer and could never again be tolerated on such a stage!

But then, in a most bizarre twist of events, the Darth Vader of hardball, the man they now derisively called A-Roid, returned to the scene of the crime to once again stand at that fateful plate and face off against his Luke Sky-walker of a foe only to this time meet the mighty mounds-man’s  most righteous lightning bolt of a fastball with the mighty tha-whack! of a lecherous long-ball into the deepest depths of centerfield…

It was an A-bomb for A-Rod!

A shot heard round the house of he who has not sinned and far into the dark night of strange redemption… for what followed was a Yankees stampede of hits and runs that brought the forces of Red Sox goodness to their knees while elevating this cheating cheater (for it has been foretold that he hath cheated more than once!) and his cohorts to victory!

Have the Baseball Gods gone mad?

Has all hell broken loose?

For only in Bizarro World could such things happen!

And what does this portend for the future of our national pastime? Will A-Rod lead the forces of darkness through to the playoff wilderness and out into the light of the World Series, there to prevail in a bizarre and dark victory of un-justice???

Can you even imagine such a bizarre and twisted ending??? The accused and presumed guilty criminal achieving ultimate victory over his captors while out on bail and before his inevitable death sentence is served?

Why It’s unthinkable! Unheard of! Unheroic!

But in Bizarro world anything is possible!

That’s why from here on in my money’s on the Cubs!

7 Responses to “Bizzarro Ball”

  1. bikerchick57 August 20, 2013 at 11:37 am #

    Stupid baseball gods! I would say root for the Brewers, but then there’s Mr. Braun and the Brewers are pretty bad anyhow. I’m not sure if his promise of an apology (this week!) sits any better with me than A-Roid’s arrogance and declaration of innocence. An apology in his case only seems like a transparent attempt at damage control after being caught.

  2. mvschulze August 20, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

    Wonderful take on the truly bazaar, and genuinely funny!

  3. geneb527 August 20, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

    The same Gods seem to be watching over the U.S. today! Hope our righteous God returns to work soon???

  4. Lloyd August 21, 2013 at 4:30 am #

    I know my Yankees need help to stay in the race this year—even if the push has to come from one who will be out this year and next. Go Yankees!

  5. Hollywood August 21, 2013 at 12:32 pm #

    Reblogged this on The Daily Grind.

  6. Sheri de Grom August 21, 2013 at 9:28 pm #

    Love your commentary. I watched a few different takes on the game but enjoyed yours the most. I think the A-Rod recognizes no one in Congress plays by the rules so why should he. After all, when’s the last time a congressional member even pretended to be ‘all grown up.’ Better yet, doesn’t our Prez do whatever he darn well pleases and the people be darned?

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