4 Jun


I went to Ikea for the first time the other day? My family loves it there and it was an interesting experience and so other-worldly…who are these Ikeans and why have they come to Earth and especially here to America?

Are they some wee people from another planet in another solar system. Their store came with directions on the floor so I could not get lost as I roamed amongst their Hobbit-like furniture and Lilliputian wares…why an entire Ikean’s house furnishings could fit into one American sized great room!

Do they have Great Rooms in other countries I wonder? Do these aliens wonder what one does with a great room and what it is for? “Welcome to America. Here is my bathroom for bathing and my bedroom for bedding and my living room for living and my dining room for dining and my kitchen for…watching television… and here is my Great room where I spend my time in greatness of course!” and out there of course is my garage which is a house for my car!”

After following the Ikean path for what seemed like hours I came upon their dining hall where they served entire meals for $4.99! Imagine that? Meat and potatoes and strange berries for under $5! I was so amazed at these affordable and delicious dinners, I had three! Where do they find such meat and so cheaply?

And their coffee was free!

I would like to see the Ikeans shop at a great big American store! What might they say as they peruse our oversized and magnificent living structures?

“Look at that couch! It is bigger than my house! Where would such a television fit besides a drive in movie theater?? OMG! That automobile has rooms! We could put some nice shelving in the back seat!”

And what would Ikeans think of our food and eating habbits?

“Quick over here! They call their small coffees Grande! And place an entire ice cream sundae inside each cup…and all for only 8 dollars and 95 cents!…And there is an entire meatloaf with vegetables and cheese between the bun where my wee hamburger should be!”

Then I followed the path from their place of eating (more like midnight snacking if you ask me) to another level of shopping for accessories and decorations to fit inside their wee spaces…it was exhausting!

But then I wondered why are all of my fellow Americans so gleefully and happily shopping here among these strange and foreign Ikean retailers? Do they not realize that we are still giants among men and planets?! Or…

Is something happening to America? Is the unthinkable upon us? Has the unspeakable finally happened? Has the unraveling of our greatness begun? Is America downsizing?!

Good grief! Americans beware! Run for your extra -large lives! Save your over-sized selves!

The Ikeans are here!

13 Responses to “The IKEANS”

  1. sheilamariegrimes June 4, 2013 at 4:07 pm #

    Down sizing is good! good post!

  2. jas2jar June 4, 2013 at 5:40 pm #

    As an IKEA addict this made me laugh! For my kids going there only mean one thing, getting breakfast, I don’t think they realise there is a store attached to the restaurant. Its a good job the nearest one is a three hour drive though. Loved the post.

  3. Angelique Stevens June 4, 2013 at 7:14 pm #

    As an Ikea junkie (AKA Ikea Girl by my family), I thoroughly enjoyed this post! As an American who is tired of all the excess, I LOVED this post!!

  4. Lil Miss Kris June 4, 2013 at 7:29 pm #

    Every time we watch the movie Wall-e we say stuff like this. This post gave me a giggle as I sit in my family room which located not far from the formal living room, thinking of how over indulged we are that my three car garage is bigger than some people’s houses AND a lot nicer. Good grief we are an entitled people aren’t we?

  5. Mocha June 4, 2013 at 8:03 pm #

    My lord I admire your enthusiasm. I really detest ikea. It is madness to me

  6. silverliner98 June 4, 2013 at 9:06 pm #

    IKEA furniture is easier to put together than the stuff “made in China”, that was made by blind people-I mean who else but blind people could manufacture shit that has to have holes re-drilled or metal bars bent to fit in the manner that it was meant to? My first experience with IKEA was in German- now, back in America my entire studio is furnished with IKEA items and I couldn’t be happier.

  7. bikerchick57 June 4, 2013 at 11:10 pm #

    I’ve been to IKEA once and I can only say that it’s a good thing the store is a three hour drive from where I live. That place is cool.

  8. westwickletimes June 4, 2013 at 11:35 pm #

    Mmmm…. Swedish meatballs.

    Houses here in Britain do seem to be considerably smaller than yours. Although I have only seen US houses on TV. I remember watching shows on TV as a kid where they were supposed to be depicting a low income family, and I remember thinking at the time: ‘How can they afford to live in such a massive house?’

  9. charlypriest June 5, 2013 at 10:44 am #

    Brought good memories. I worked in Ikea for 6 months, they´re one of the best at marketing and selling to you. That´s why they lead you, literally and subtly, through all their vast space. Say I went to get a bed, they have people who actually work on this, they will see what products have been sold more on a quarterly basis and those products tend to be on the back, so as you walk to the back you start noticing that little table that can go perfectly next to your bed e.t.c And the food, same marketing strategy, you´re sitting talking but at the same time noticing things like a candle stick or whatever. It´s called guiding the customer and I think their the best at this type of selling. You can use that same strategy in the internet if you want to be in affiliate marketing.

  10. lyndaanning June 5, 2013 at 11:00 am #

    made me chuckle x

  11. avwalters June 5, 2013 at 3:56 pm #

    The last word on the land of the giants! Can you imagine in 100 years that IKEA (if it lasts) will be the antiques of the day?! And in the distant future all that will be left of us is our granite kitchen countertops. Archeologists will think they are altars–after all it must be a sacred place–with stone tables–where ancient Americans went to worship before the tabernacle/microwave–since there surely is not evidence that they cooked. (Except for those funny little swedish meatballs at IKEA.)

  12. Dan Hennessy June 7, 2013 at 11:52 pm #

    I don’t have enough patience to put together the furniture after I get it home . The stick figure instructions seem to mock me . Can it be the Ikean plan ?

  13. mike olley June 8, 2013 at 3:04 pm #

    Great post. Incidentally, in the UK it is estimated that 1 in 5 children have been conceived in an IKEA bed.

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