Archive | 2:59 pm

The IKEANS

4 Jun

 

I went to Ikea for the first time the other day? My family loves it there and it was an interesting experience and so other-worldly…who are these Ikeans and why have they come to Earth and especially here to America?

Are they some wee people from another planet in another solar system. Their store came with directions on the floor so I could not get lost as I roamed amongst their Hobbit-like furniture and Lilliputian wares…why an entire Ikean’s house furnishings could fit into one American sized great room!

Do they have Great Rooms in other countries I wonder? Do these aliens wonder what one does with a great room and what it is for? “Welcome to America. Here is my bathroom for bathing and my bedroom for bedding and my living room for living and my dining room for dining and my kitchen for…watching television… and here is my Great room where I spend my time in greatness of course!” and out there of course is my garage which is a house for my car!”

After following the Ikean path for what seemed like hours I came upon their dining hall where they served entire meals for $4.99! Imagine that? Meat and potatoes and strange berries for under $5! I was so amazed at these affordable and delicious dinners, I had three! Where do they find such meat and so cheaply?

And their coffee was free!

I would like to see the Ikeans shop at a great big American store! What might they say as they peruse our oversized and magnificent living structures?

“Look at that couch! It is bigger than my house! Where would such a television fit besides a drive in movie theater?? OMG! That automobile has rooms! We could put some nice shelving in the back seat!”

And what would Ikeans think of our food and eating habbits?

“Quick over here! They call their small coffees Grande! And place an entire ice cream sundae inside each cup…and all for only 8 dollars and 95 cents!…And there is an entire meatloaf with vegetables and cheese between the bun where my wee hamburger should be!”

Then I followed the path from their place of eating (more like midnight snacking if you ask me) to another level of shopping for accessories and decorations to fit inside their wee spaces…it was exhausting!

But then I wondered why are all of my fellow Americans so gleefully and happily shopping here among these strange and foreign Ikean retailers? Do they not realize that we are still giants among men and planets?! Or…

Is something happening to America? Is the unthinkable upon us? Has the unspeakable finally happened? Has the unraveling of our greatness begun? Is America downsizing?!

Good grief! Americans beware! Run for your extra -large lives! Save your over-sized selves!

The Ikeans are here!

GRACEFIFTEENTEN

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