The Crayola Conundrum (#20)

8 Mar

Why does The United States Speaker of the House have orange skin? And should we care?

Years ago I had a student in one of my classes who would show up for school every day in white face. And I’m not saying that she was pale. What I am saying is that she literally painted her face white each day with make-up. Apparently it was a teenage angst or rebellion thing but there she was every day with her white and somewhat disconcerting visage sitting at her desk in class. She was a good student, polite and respectful and she always did her work and caused no trouble and was punctual and on time each and everyday…except one day when she was conspicuously absent.

I use the word conspicuously only because when you have a white -faced student in class every day you definitely notice when she is not there!

Anyway, she appeared white face and all, on the very next day and I asked why she was absent on the day before…and her explanation made me roar with laughter. (discretely of course)

” I was here yesterday Mr. Picone but the administration wouldn’t let me in and sent me home.”

“But why? I asked. They let you in every day.”

“Because, she replied, yesterday was Halloween and they told me that they do not allow costumes to be worn on Halloween!”

So, as far as our administration was concerned, on every day of the year she had teenage angst or was making a statement about life, death or harlequin romance…but on Halloween they could actually say that they were seeing it for what it was…a costume.

Now I know it sounds like I’m picking on House Speaker, John Boehner, (I’m willing to bet we have many more quirky congressmen on both sides of the aisle) but that’s only because whenever I look at pictures of our Congress he sticks out like an Oompa-Loompa at Will Wonka’s Chocolate factory (at least to me) but I suppose my real question is: Are our emperors finally wearing the new clothes that we can’t say we see or dare to speak of?

When asked by the media about his seemingly constant Crayola #20 glow, Speaker Boehner replied,

 “I have never been in a tanning bed or used a tanning product.”

Which, as far as I have been able to discern through extensive googling, no one believes. So why the pretense? And that got me to thinking…

I remember one time in the dead of winter when a colleague of mine told me that he was going to begin frequenting a tanning salon. When I asked why, he replied, “Next month I’m going to call in sick for a week and go to Florida. If I have a tan before I go, then once I get back no one will suspect that I’ve gone.” (devious I know, and a definite abuse of the rules, but it happens…)

Which is why I suspect that Congressman Boehner remains in a state of vacational awareness so that we the people do not suspect that he is possibly more often than not vacationing rather than trying to get his job done. This would also explain why he never seems to get his job done…and why he is always tan…and why Congress is more often than not…on vacation!

Which brings me to my last question: Have we “jumped the shark” in America? Is Congress on the verge of closing…has the show been canceled and we haven’t gotten the notice yet. Has the good speaker been so brazenly Sunkist because he has been surreptitiously laying the groundwork for an impending governmental migration? Is the country  running up debt like a terminal Kardashian with a credit card because…

… in the not so distant future  the man with the Tropicana tint will appear with his gavel in hand,  crocodile tears in his eyes and announce the final session of Congress and the greatest sequester of them all?

Wham bam, thank you tan…  Cayman Islands… here comes Congress!


11 Responses to “The Crayola Conundrum (#20)”

  1. S. Trevor Swenson March 8, 2013 at 4:19 pm #

    and you forgot his extensive collection of fuschia, pink and key lime ties. I wonder…does he burst in to tears during his many golf games with billionaires?

  2. Wild Heart Scribe March 8, 2013 at 4:20 pm #

    That was so good! Gave me my first laugh of the day! 🙂

  3. runningwithellen March 8, 2013 at 4:32 pm #

    Quite depressing.

  4. TamrahJo March 8, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

    My chiropractor turned orange for about 3 months – – she was doing some intense carrot juicing cancer fighting plan….hmmmmm…..

  5. Jae March 8, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

    Congress and the President do go on vacation way more than they should. But I have to admit, I’ve never thought of John Boehner as an oompa-loompa and it did make me giggle. 😉

  6. Susanna March 8, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    Awesome post! Your world view is so cool.

  7. destinationmommyville March 9, 2013 at 4:35 am #

    Your post is hilarious! I have to admit that I don’t remember what the House Speaker in the US looks like (being Canadian), but your reasoning for his “oompa loompa glow” is too funny!

  8. A Voice March 9, 2013 at 5:28 am #

    We can be fair to Boehner and contend that he may have a problem processing beta-carotine and that is why his complexion has a noticeable tint.

    Pointing out and mockingly questioning his complexion is perhaps the most polite thing we can do in relation to him. After all, if we were to begin to point out his record it would be much more fair but much, much less polite.

  9. Barbara Backer-Gray March 9, 2013 at 5:16 pm #

    Hilarious! I wish I could write like that.

  10. Dan Hennessy March 9, 2013 at 6:41 pm #

    Fantastic story of the ‘white face’ student not being allowed in on Halloween ! Brilliantly absurd rational ! As for Mr.Speaker : We should not judge a person by the color of his skin but by the strength of his character . [ In this case , perhaps , both a bit phoney ]

  11. jojodiet2013 March 13, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    🙂 hehe !!

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