The Mighty Casey has…

19 Oct

While I was watching the New York Yankees fold to the Detroit Tigers last night for some reason my mind turned to the problems we face with drugs here in America. Why you ask? Probably because I had just watched A-Rod strike out 10 out of 11 times at bat (or close to that) and he was one of the most famously known and notorious PED (performance enhancing drugs) users in Major League Baseball! Selfishly, since I’m a Yankee fan, my first thought was why has he stopped using them?! Then I thought, who is still using them? Since there are over 100 known PED users on a list being kept secret by Major League Baseball, I felt this was a valid thought. After all none of my Yankees could hit the ball any more. They couldn’t be using drugs! Perhaps Detroit players are? After all, they’re clobbering us! Have you seen their pitching? My god, they all look like Bob Gibson. Get the tests!

Then I thought…Why does Major League Baseball test each player in the spring and then again randomly over the course of each season? Isn’t that a waste of time and money? Why not just test excellent (and aberrant) performers? Wouldn’t this make more sense? “Hey, nice homerun there big fella! You hit that ball so hard it almost left the stadium! Here’s a high five and a cup to pee in. Now hit the urinals!”

Then I thought…Gee, if A-rod had fired up a joint there in the dugout to help him relax and forget his troubles while being benched in front of America for his obviously poor and non drug related performance, he would have been arrested and taken to jail. Using a performance enhancing drug would only get him a suspension from baseball. He’d see no jail time, get to keep his millions and probably a trip to the hall of fame. That’s weird isn’t it?

Then I wondered just how many people are in jail for using marijuana. (The game was all but over so what can I say? My mind was wandering)

Anyway…I went to the computer and googled the DOJ and discovered that: In 2007 the Department of Justice reportedthat there were 1,841,182 drug arrests in the United States; And that there were more drug abuse arrests than any other category of offenses. Marijuana arrests accounted for 47.4% of the drug abuse arrests. That means about 872,720 persons were arrested for marijuana offenses. Eighty-nine percent of these arrests were for possession.

That led me to think…Who are all of these people that they are arresting for marijuana use?

And why is there anyone on a college campus today who isn’t in jail?!

Then someone popped out and the game was mercifully over…but then a commercial came on and the spokesperson was hawking testosterone and explaining how any man over 30 needed more of it! And this was on national television! And testosterone is one of the banned performance enhancing drugs that will get you suspended from baseball! In fact Melky Cabrera who led the National League in hitting just returned from his suspension for using it!

Then the game returned to my TV set and there were the Detroit Tigers celebrating in their locker room by pouring champagne over their heads and into their mouths from time to time and I thought…

Wouldn’t the Detroit Tigers’ parking lot be a great place for a DUI checkpoint? Quick somebody notify the police but I doubt anyone will get in trouble in Tiger town tonight…

So be careful out there America! We have a strict drug policy in this country but I have absolutely no idea what it is. Just like the Mighty Casey, and A-Rod, I guess every at bat is gonna be either a hit or a miss.

6 Responses to “The Mighty Casey has…”

  1. The Meandering Matriarch October 19, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

    Very well said!!

  2. Mjollnir October 20, 2012 at 7:48 am #

    Some are trying a more grown-up approach…

  3. Margarita October 20, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

    The “game” in your head sounds much more interesting than the game on the field!

  4. ladygodiva2012 October 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    Without any disrespect to a very poignant and intelligent article, my mouth dropped open at ‘fold to the Detroit Tigers’. Haven’t lived in Motown for 15 years and the last time I remembered the Tigers winning anything was in ’84. 😉

    • gpicone October 21, 2012 at 7:58 pm #

      Don’t forget 2006! 🙂

      • ladygodiva2012 October 21, 2012 at 10:03 pm #

        Ah… visited in 2005 briefly, and haven’t been there since… but good to know the gap between wins is closing! 😀

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