Rise of the Machines?!

12 Sep

So I’m walking through the Home Depot looking to check out and There’s a long line of registers with no people working at them. Finally I spy one lonely human working the register where about 10 contractors are lined up waiting to be checked out but I only have 2 small items to pay for. Woe is me! But then, Hark! I hear a voice. “Please purchase your items here.” or something like that…and it’s such a sweet voice, so nice and polite and it’s a machine! But such a nice machine. So I push the buttons and put the money in and all the while the machine helps me to push the right buttons and check the correct oracles or whatever and then thanks me and wishes me a nice day. (even as I’m halfway out of the store) It never gave me an attitude, or complained when I fed my money to it too quickly or in the wrong hole. It didn’t tell me a story about it’s long day or ask me how the weather was outside where the people roam.

     As far as I know these machines are not from another planet, nor are they invading our borders from foreign countries to the north or south. And I don’t think they are making themselves or being hired because they have other machines in high places who they are related to. But they are awfully nice and awfully efficient… and apparently taking the jobs of humans! And I don’t think that the humans are that upset about it. In fact it was a human employee (I think she was human) who said, “Don’t wait on line. The machines will help you.” (or something like that)

     PEOPLE OF THE EARTH! WAKE UP BEFORE IT’ S TOO LATE! IT’S THE MACHINES! THE MACHINES ARE TAKING OUR JOBS! WE MUST STOP THE MACHINES!

     But they are so polite. I really like how polite they are…

3 Responses to “Rise of the Machines?!”

  1. trinward September 12, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

    Only use those when I’m in a huge rush and the lines are too long. Sometimes they CAN be just as infuriating as a gum-popping bored cashier, but I usually prefer the personal touch. (I also had major trouble with the machines the first two times I was in such a hurry, but finally got a good result the last three times, so …) – Steve

  2. elizjamison September 12, 2012 at 10:15 pm #

    I love how you set that one up. VERY disturbing. The other day I was at Kroger and had the “machine” check me out as well. The problem was that I had to wait five minutes for an actual human to check my ID for wine. I did Tweet this post because I think it is worth thinking about!
    http://dissertationgal.com

  3. memoriesofeverydaywarrior September 13, 2012 at 10:29 pm #

    Guiltily, I prefer the machines. They spit out the right change, they don’t have a mouth full of rotten teeth, they’re not complaining about how much they hate their jobs or how they’re stuck at work for 3 more hours, they don’t wear too much perfume, and I can sometimes change their language to Spanish (or Chinese or German or…) and crank up the volume just to confuse people. Self-check-out is always faster and almost always drama-free… and I’m always in a hurry, rushing to escape retail prison so that I can once again enter the bliss that is my world. I like the machines.

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