Archive | 8:49 pm

New Jersey’s Richest!

11 Sep

     Okay so the richest person in the world is a woman from Australia, but who is the richest woman in New jersey? She is Jaqueline Mars! And as of March 2012 she had a net worth of 13.8 billion dollars! How did she do it? Through hard work and no socializing, smoking or drinking right? Wrong!

     She inherited it from her grandfather and father of the Mars candy billionaires, owners of the world’s largest candy company. The candy maker’s most famous brands include Milky Way, M&M’s, 3 Musketeers, Twix, Skittles, and Snickers, reportedly named for the Mars family’s favorite horse. (He was a hard worker I’ll bet!) Anyway, over 400 million M&M’s are produced in the United States each day. (Them’s a lot of Ms). How do I know this? Because once upon a time I oversaw the selling of quite a few of those millions of M’s while employed as a school teacher in Ms. Mars’ very own home state of New Jersey.

     That’s how we would fund raise in the good old days! Buy a case of M&M’s from the home company and watch them sell! Most kids couldn’t get out of the classroom and into the hallway before their entire inventory was sold, they were that popular amongst school children (Didn’t their parents ever feed them at home?) In fact, Selling M&M’s in public school was a better gig then the beer concession at Yankee Stadium!

     Once a colleague suggested that our drama club sell something better to the kids that was potentially good for them like apples. Apples! What was she out of her mind??! Maybe if I priced each apple at $10,000 and then hoped to sell 1! So we tried Dunkin’ Donuts instead and broke the bank! We couldn’t even get them into the building, they were incredibly popular but we had to stop because the powdered sugar that was strewn about the building due to their frenzied demand had become a health hazard…and come to thing of it perhaps the beginning of the diabetes epidemic in America…but I digress.

     That was the late 70’s and now we have regulations in schools about the things we can and can’t sell to kids (Apparently eating healthy is good for you!) but it did occur to me way back then that I was helping the richest woman in New Jersey get richer and that most public schools were doing the same thing and that even though we were all making money there was something inherently wrong in financing extra curricular activities in public schools with candy sales and in making the richest person in NJ richer while our school district was always getting poorer…but even today in the 21st century, though most schools have stopped selling her product, she is still the richest woman in New Jersey! So those nasty “socialist anti-business regulations” that are strangling the richest Americans chance at making more bucks are really not a problem at all.

      Ms. Mars is also a trustee of the United States Equestrian team and sits on the board of the Washington National Opera, which recently completed a merger with the Kennedy Center, (Of course!)  so I’m willing to venture a guess that she cares about stuff and isn’t just all about money. (I’m guessing)  So if I have a point to all this it would be that America’s richest people have all the money…okay, most of the money…maybe just a shit load…but no matter how you look at them, their money just keeps getting them more money (Even when the banks steal ours! How does that work?!) so sooner or later we’re going to need their help. That’s all…just sayin’.

      Oh and By the way, Ms. Mars also owns Wrigley’s gum. You know, that stuff you chew when you’re just sittin’ around wasting time and not working hard. Ironic, isn’t it?

If You Think Numbers Are Fun then you’ll Just Love Percentages!

11 Sep


If You Think Numbers Are Fun then you’ll Just Love Percentages!


Of all the U.S. students in the graduating class of 2009 who had advanced skills in math, only six percent performed at the advanced level. Maybe this is why.

My bank gives me .1 percent interest on the money that I keep in my checking account. I keep it in my checking account because let’s face it, I never get to keep my money for very long before it’s headed someplace else.  They used to pay me 6 percent interest when I was little but that was a long time ago when banks had way less money than they have now and could afford giving me more interest…wait a minute…is that correct? Unfortunately it is. Anyway, 6 percent is another way of saying .06 and .1 percent is another way of saying .001

As far as numbers go .06 and .001 don’t look all that much different do they, but .06 is actually 60 times more than .001. That means that the bank cut my interest by 60 times! They are now giving me 60 times less interest on my money then they were giving me when I was a child. Boy, I sure wish that banks had more money today than they used to when I was a kid…oh wait…they do!

Anyway, back when I had 1 million dollars in the bank and was getting that 6 percent interest I would make 60 thousand dollars every year just for keeping it in the bank. Today the bank only gives me 1 thousand dollars a year for keeping my 1 million dollars there. But wait! I don’t have 1 million dollars. I lost some in the Savings and Loan scandal and then lost some in the Enron Scandal and then lost some more in the latest banking scandal (Did they name it yet? Perhaps they can call it the Bernie Madoff Did It All By Himself and Nobody Else in the Whole Wide World Could Figure it out but Him so Only He Was Punished scandal)  when the banks lost most of their money too (which they then got back from the government I think, even though I didn’t get any of my money back) but I am getting .1 percent interest from the bank for doing me the favor of holding onto my money before they lose it.

Anyway, that .1 percent looks an awfully lot like 1 percent doesn’t it? But it is actually 10 time less. That’s the power of the percentage point. So now the 10 thousand dollars that I have left in my account gets me an additional 10 dollars a year in interest which I can use to drive myself to the poor house…As long as it’s no more than 3 gallons of gas away!)

Perhaps this is why kids in the United States don’t like learning math. Math is just too sad…but I will say this: If we use math wisely and apply it to our daily lives, troubles, problems and deficits, we can solve all of our problems! When will we learn what every math teacher already knows? Just do the math!

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