Tag Archives: Heaven

Isn’t It All Just Really About the Benjamins?

30 Apr

Unless you’ve been living under a rock then you’ve heard about Donald Sterling, the owner of the Los Angeles Clipper’s basketball franchise…and probably not much else for the past day or so. He’s the billionaire racist who, because of remarks that were recorded by his girlfriend, will from now on be forever known as… the billionaire racist.

Now of course no one in their right mind can agree with the statements that he has been credited with making, as countless television and radio personalities have been pointing out ad infinitum all day long, but while I was listening to all of the talk and debate I was amazed to hear that through it all, Mr. Sterling’s wife still supports him… But I thought that he had a girlfriend… Which of course he does have. He has both a wife and a girlfriend and not only is it not a secret, but apparently everyone is cool with that. The NBA, the media, the fans, the owners, the wife, the girlfriend…everyone! That’s a non story.

The real story is that Mr. Sterling is a selfish, racist, old bastard. I mean really, who could have seen that coming?

Not his wife, who while defending her husband’s comments is also suing him for damages because he has been spending “community money” on his girlfriend rather than “his own” money on his girlfriend.

Not his girlfriend, who has been too busy enjoying all of the cars and houses and jewelry that he has been buying her to notice that deep down he’s always really been just a creep.

Not the media, who can’t seem to get enough of all things Mr Sterling these days including the sudden recollection of previous stories that can prove that he has been a racist old fart for as long as anyone can remember.

Even the NAACP gave Mr. Sterling a life time achievement award a few years ago to honor his billionaire largess. What were they thinking? Couldn’t they see past his wallet far enough to notice he was a misogynist bigot?

In fact just about everyone everywhere has been outraged by Mr Sterling’s comments, and justifiably so, especially the NBA players and their fans…just not outraged enough to stop working for him or to stop attending the games played by his team. We all have morals but if the checks are signed and the tickets are already paid for what can one do?

Anyway, my point is that if Mr. Sterling’s first name weren’t Billionaire, we probably all would have been done with him long ago or not even bothered to have mentioned him at all in the first place. But luckily for Mr. Sterling, he is a billionaire and billionaire’s have money and lots of it, which, according to the Supreme Court of the United States, in their most recent decision, is equivalent to free speech and apparently even freer, although more expensive, than speech itself…so Mr. Sterling should have kept letting his money do all of the the talking while keeping his big mouth shut…at least in front of recording devices, because it seems as though all of the people who can now remember all of the bigoted things he used to say… had for some reason, somehow, forgotten them.

And besides, Mr. Sterling really need not worry too much because only a few months ago that same Supreme Court also struck down the Voter’s Rights Act of 1965 effectively declaring racism pretty much dead and gone to heaven, at least here in the USA. So how can he be a racist when there is no more racism?

Besides, now that he is out of the basketball business he can always just use his money to buy…excuse me…speak to… a few (or as many as he likes) Congressmen and Senators and then instruct them…excuse me…suggest to them that they create a new law that makes racism officially, once and for all, extinct and anyone who says otherwise can and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, so help me God…and don’t laugh. That definitely can be done now. Just ask those 5 Justices.

And speaking of God, if Mr. Sterling is for some reason particularly concerned about his soul and future standing in heaven (he is 80 years old) then he can always pay (make a donation to) his church for the guarantee of his soul’s absolution. They still do that don’t they? I’m Catholic and that’s how we used to do it (and why you’re all Protestants now) but I don’t think we say it out loud anymore…sometimes you have to learn lessons the hard way.

I know I probably sound too cynical but I bet that even if I do make it up to heaven some day there will probably be an entrance fee. Okay, now you think I’ve gone too far. Heaven has to be free, whether you’re poor or rich, or else it just wouldn’t be fair. But I know that you’ll probably have to pay if you want to get one of the nice condos with a view. And don’t tell me they don’t have condos up there because I’ve already paid for the 12 cassette program that an Evangelical sold me explaining all about the mansions that God is preparing in heaven… so put a credit card in my casket because I’m pretty sure they won’t take cash. Better put some coins over my eyes too so I can pay for parking…there’s never free parking…and never enough of it so I can probably expect to have to drive around…forever…waiting for a space to open up. What are the chances of that happening?

Anyway, that’s probably Purgatory: getting close but winding up in the parking lot on a hot day waiting for a space to open up. Maybe that’s where we are when we contact Jonathan Edward on the satellite radio so we can talk to our living relatives back on Earth, while they’re all tuned into Larry King on pay cable?

Oh well, I wonder who’ll be waiting for us at the Pearly Gates? Will it be old Saint Pete, or Mr. B. Franklin… As in Benjamin? Because you just know that when you die… if you want to end up some place nice… somebody is gonna have to show someone the Benjamins…and lots of em’!

 

 

Of Heaven and Homophily

31 Mar

Does anyone practice religion in heaven, and if so, what for?

Where Did He Go?

27 Mar

I just have a question… and I am being serious when I ask it and I am not trying to be flippant or rude or disrespectful at all. I sincerely mean that, although I do realize that simply by asking the question I will appear flippant, rude and probably disrespectful.

But here’s the question:

I saw this statement today “He Is Risen” and I know that the “He” refers to Jesus/God and I know that the word “Risen” refers to his having left the grave and ascended to heaven and I also know that since Jesus’ body went missing also, we are not just referring to his soul having risen but to his body having risen along with it too. 

So I just want to ask if anyone knows where he went…as in where is heaven?

I haven’t been to church in a while and I am a bit in the dark  as to where religious folk these days consider heaven to be. Is it an actual place? Is it in this reality as in our physical universe or is it in another dimension that can’t be seen by living beings?

I am assuming that since we Christians believe that Jesus took his body with him then bodies must be of some use there but this is just speculation on my part because the rest of us here on Earth never take our bodies anywhere after we die and many of us agree that it is our soul that does the extraterrestrial traveling.

I don’t see how heaven could be in our minds because those cease functioning when we die otherwise we certainly wouldn’t bury the dead or have their bodies (and minds) cremated. And if heaven and Jesus were in the physical and visible universe (As I believed when I was little) we certainly haven’t spotted either with the Hubble telescope yet even though while traveling at the speed of light Jesus’ body would only be 2,012 light years away by now. (Of course I do realize that God could do better than the speed of light if he wanted to)

I also know that many people believe that their loved ones are out there somewhere (and I’m not even excluding myself from that group) because whenever Jonathan Edward or other mediums of his ilk says he is communicating with them many gather around to listen in on the conversations.

Although I hate to think that life in Heaven means hanging around for all eternity just waiting for John to answer his head…but I have always been taught to suppose that anything is possible.

So once again, I am asking all of the true and faithful believers out there…and I ask without judgment or prejudice or disrespect to anyone’s beliefs, because we all must admit that there are quite a few different and varied beliefs out there.

But to all who possess faith in the belief that “He Has Risen” and considering that this is now 2013 years after the event and in light of all of the scientific discoveries that have been made since then and in light of the fact that billions of people were recently so fascinated with the apparent importance of choosing a new Catholic Pope, I humbly ask:

Where do you believe exists the destination to which he went?

 

 

 

Heaven and the Hall of Fame

26 Jan

Image

I was thinking about baseball and heaven yesterday…

A question that I used to ask my students, usually depending on the occasion and reading material we were discussing, was “Do you believe in heaven?” Most students if not all would raise their hands.

Then I would follow up with, “Who thinks they will someday go there?” And all who had first raised their hands would always  keep them raised. I never thought that unusual. In fact I think it would be unusual to believe in heaven and then not think you were going there. That student would probably be a candidate for the child study team.

But I digress…here’s where the baseball part comes in.

Is heaven like the Baseball Hall of Fame? Must we have and have lived with exceptional moral skills to get in? Do we have to have lived a life with the moral skill set equivalent of a Willy Mays or Babe Ruth Or will Bill Mazeroski skills get us in there? What if we live a decent life but our moral batting average is more like Mario Mendoza’s baseball batting average? (It wasn’t very good and he is not in the Baseball Hall of Fame)

Or do we have to hang out in Purgatory (Do we still have that?) for a while and wait for the Heaven Veteran’s committee to vote us in?

The reason I ask is because it seems to me that whenever one of our loved one’s die those of us who knew them in life form a veteran’s committee of sorts and automatically vote them in…don’t we?

I mean you never hear Jonathan Edward say, “Hey, I’ve got a spirit coming in and it’s a hot one! Anybody out there have a loved one whose gone to hell?”

Anyway, I’m just asking. What do you think? Is getting into Heaven like getting into the Hall of fame?

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